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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29422290">When It Snows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncities/pseuds/ncities'>ncities</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Friendship, I tried to make this cute, Jaehyun is sad, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Wholesome, a little hurt and hopefully comfort, angst? not really, in which you see in black and white until you meet your soulmate, kinda funny idk, past sehun/johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:42:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>61,371</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29422290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncities/pseuds/ncities</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jaehyun woke up in the hospital, he didn’t need anyone to tell him before he realized the harrowing truth that he would now have to live with. His soulmate was gone. The world that was vibrant hours ago had returned to the agonizingly dull monochromatic scale of grey.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolanna/gifts">smolanna</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have so much to say right now but I'll keep it as short as possible. I promise the notes in the rest of the chapters will NOT be this long, if they're there at all.</p><p>First of all, this fucker has been in my drafts for a year. I started this at the beginning of the 2020 quarantine (although this story does include quite a few public gatherings) as a plot for a webtoon (which I still want to make, so you can maybe expect that in 1-5 years), but my friend suggested I write it as a fic.<br/>I'm honestly just happy to be done with it, but over time it has become a place of comfort for me. I have a lot of love for these idols and a lot of love for the characters in this story. I purposely kept it quite light for the most part because I'm used to, and rather like, writing sad stories, which (spoiler) this is not. That being said, if you don't like slice-of-life type stuff I have something dramatic in the works ;)</p><p>Edit: some of you are saying that this hurt and I am quite sorry for that. It was not the intention 😭</p><p>I hope, dear reader, that you find enjoyment here. I hope you can sit back and relax and maybe relate to some characters as I did. I have a lot of insecurities about this, but I am still happy to finally share it with you.</p><p> </p><p>  <b>For Anna, who stuck with me through a year of babbling and random ideas and who helped me out more than a few times. I started (and finished) this for you.</b></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In a world of black and white, everyone was desperate to see in colour. Children would sit wide-eyed, listening to those who had found their soulmates describe the beauty and vibrancy they would one day experience. They would rush to their parents with any new object and ask for a description, be it a flower or a stone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun never understood how this world worked. He was once interested in knowing what “red” was, but he had gotten so many different descriptions that he thought it was simply something people had made up. Someone had told him red was the colour of their wife’s lipstick on Friday nights. Another had told him it was her girlfriend’s hair when it shone in the sun. Jaehyun had seen those two things as very different shades of grey. Jaehyun’s least favourite description of red was when someone had told him it was “the glow around this flame” as they flicked their lighter to their cigarette. All he saw was a spark of white.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No way those are all the same colour,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t long before Jaehyun realized that not everyone was honest about their ability to see colour. He found this out one day when he had asked his mother to pass him a blue crayon. He had been told that the ocean was blue, and wanted his drawing to be realistic. He had expected her to absentmindedly pass him a crayon, just as his father would, barely looking away from what he was doing in that moment. However, she had put down her book and picked up three different crayons before finally smiling and handing one to Jaehyun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun turned the crayon in his hand, looking for the label. In all lowercase letters, the paper read “blue.” Jaehyun avoided confronting his mother about this for years, until the night of his parent’s 15th anniversary, he couldn’t ignore the tears his mother was holding back. His father had given her a large bouquet of flowers that Jaehyun didn’t need to see in colour to recognize their beauty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always said pink flowers were your favourite,” his father said with a smile, kissing his wife on the forehead. He had later found his mother clutching the bouquet and crying on their balcony, the stillness of the moonlight falling over her hair and the petals. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you lie?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t break his heart, Jae. I love him more than anything, but he’s not my soulmate.” Jaehyun wondered how one person could be someone’s soulmate when it was not mutual. He also wondered if his family would fall apart if his mother admitted the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first time he told me he could see colour was when he pointed out that my nail polish didn’t match my outfit. I had joked that his socks were mismatched. All I saw was one darker shade, Jaehyun. I didn’t know I was right. When he proposed, I figured there was no reason to let him down. I love him, but he is not my soulmate,” she repeated. Since that incident, Jaehyun had lost interest in colours. He didn’t think it made any sense for some people to see colour, while others lied just to avoid being whispered about. Were colours really that important anyway? Jaehyun was sure that he wasn’t missing out on much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That all changed when he met his soulmate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time Jaehyun met his soulmate, something was off. From the moment he laid eyes on him, he felt something change inside, but he didn’t know what it was at the time. Jaehyun was 19 then, and had just walked into his first class of the year. The lecture hall was barren, which didn’t surprise Jaehyun since, as his best friend had said, “Who in their right mind wants to attend an 8:00am class?” Students were scattered around the seats, maybe ten so far. Jaehyun scanned the room for somewhere inconspicuous to sit when he saw him. In his mind, it felt like a full blown romance movie scene. The boy’s skin was smooth as glass and his light hair blew in slow motion from a breeze that was probably a figment of Jaehyun’s imagination, considering they were in a room in the middle of the building without any windows. Needless to say, Jaehyun was smitten. As he headed to a seat close (but not too close) to the boy, he felt his head spin. He wasn’t quite sure if it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the boy. Jaehyun put his bag and laptop down as quietly as he could but, much to his dismay, the boy looked at him anyway. Jaehyun gave his best polite smile and was met with the same, but it seemed to be too bright for a smile of courtesy. The boy’s eyes were large and gentle, sparkling while Jaehyun felt like they were piercing through his skull. His teeth were almost perfectly aligned and his cheeks had the same alluring shine as wax apples. Jaehyun took a deep breath and sat down. He had had crushes before, but none of them had made him feel so dizzy. None of them had sent a dull pain through the back of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is it that serious, dude?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun thought to himself. The professor had entered now and begun to talk. Jaehyun looked over to the boy to indulge himself one more time before the class started and saw the boy sitting leaned over, listening intently with two fingers pressed to his temples. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Class was the same the following day. Jaehyun still felt a bit light headed and was starting to worry about himself if all it took to feel nauseous was a glance from a pretty boy. At the end of the class, Jaehyun waited until the boy was gone to leave. He put away his things as slow as he could without looking ridiculous, but the boy seemed to be slower. Jaehyun looked at what the boy was wearing. He knew it was a denim jacket but the fabric was a shade of grey he had not seen before. His shoes were presumably white, almost the same shade as his hair. Jaehyun wondered if his hair was dyed white or if he was what they called “bleached blonde.” His ripped jeans were dark enough that Jaehyun was sure they were black. Jaehyun caught himself staring at how dangerously high the tears in the pants were. How the skinny jeans hugged the boy’s slender legs. They looked graceful, like his every step defied gravity. Like every step was bringing him closer. Like every step was bringing him closer? Suddenly the boy was a mere few feet away from Jaehyun. He could smell him from this distance. The boy smelled like the clementines his mother would peel for him when they went for picnics in spring. She would prop herself up on one elbow and watch as her son and husband played frisbee, Jaehyun’s tiny five-year-old hands miserably failing to grasp the disc that was flying towards him. She would call him over every few minutes to feed him a bit of the fruit. Sometimes she would grab his face to kiss him, her fingers smelling of the clementines. That was back when her laughter was genuine and not just for the sake of others. At least Jaehyun thought it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun was snapped back into the moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Taeyong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy had extended a hand, his fingers long and elegant but shaped like they were used to work. Not soft, but not calloused either. Jaehyun met the boy’s hand, the warmth of Taeyong’s palm complementing the coldness of his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Jaehyun,” he replied, his throat feeling dry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you. I was wondering if you wanna sit together tomorrow? There's basically no one else in our row and we could share notes.” Taeyong spoke directly and comfortably, as if they had known each other beforehand. Jaehyun, however, was unwilling to open his mouth in fear of stumbling over his words. He decided to say the safest thing he could think of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day rolled around and Jaehyun woke up. He actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>woke up</span>
  </em>
  <span> and didn’t stumble half asleep to the washroom. He didn’t fall asleep leaning against the shower wall, and he didn’t need four shots of espresso to get through his class. Taeyong was more interested in showing Jaehyun pictures of his cats and speaking in detail of how each of them was adopted rather than paying attention to what was going on at the front of the classroom. Jaehyun was sure the professor could hear Taeyong’s feeble efforts at whispering, but ignored them, doing the bare minimum to earn his paycheck. Jaehyun felt strangely at home with someone he had known barely three days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, three days turned into three weeks, then three months. Jaehyun was ridiculously happy with Taeyong. One morning, Jaehyun woke up to a dull pain in his head. It was like what he had experienced the first time he met Taeyong. He looked to his boyfriend sleeping at his side and whispered a barely audible, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. My. God.” Jaehyun’s eyes were glued to Taeyong’s lips. The lips he had kissed a thousand times. The lips that talked with him into the ungodly hours of night and the lips that eventually sang him to sleep. Jaehyun didn’t know what he was looking at, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> black, white, or any possible shade of grey that could fall in between. Jaehyun thought for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Pink.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was pink. It was pink because that’s how his father had described a model’s lips when Jaehyun was watching him paint. It was pink because that’s how his aunt had described her wife’s lips when she was wiping off lipstick for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your natural pink is much sweeter than any shade you use,” she had said, trying to continue wiping through her wife’s drunken giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun’s eyes darted to Taeyong’s hair. It wasn’t white. It was close, but it wasn’t white. Jaehyun didn’t know what to call that colour. He marvelled at Taeyong’s dark brows and lashes, how they stood out so boldly against his light pink skin. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if skin could be considered pink, but it was the only colour he had at that moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked around his room as if it was the first time he had ever seen it. His bedsheets were the same as they had always been. They were white. He glanced at the plant on his windowsill. Green. His grandmother had told him that most leaves were green. Jaehyun was overwhelmed, tears sitting in his eyes but refusing to fall just yet. Just then, Taeyong sat up beside him. The boy yawned and rubbed his eyes and smiled at Jaehyun. Then his eyes widened and his mouth fell agape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you see it too?” he said in what came out as a whisper. That was enough for Jaehyun. The tears came falling down his face and his heart felt like it would jump out of his chest. Jaehyun grabbed Taeyong by the waist and pulled him close. He inhaled that faint clementine smell as his tears soaked Taeyong’s shirt. He didn’t know what colour the shirt was yet, but it was beautiful. When they pulled apart, Jaehyun saw that Taeyong had been crying too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my soulmate,” Taeyong said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my </span>
  <em>
    <span>soulmate</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jaehyun repeated, smiling as his mouth formed the last word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Jaehyun disagreed with everything he had ever thought about colours. He realized that he was, in fact, missing out on a lot. Colours came with meaning. Blue wasn’t just blue, it was the sky on a sunny day when he and Taeyong would lie on the dewy green grass and watch fluffy white clouds float by. Red was now Taeyong’s most worn out pair of sneakers because he had “paid a lot for them” and insisted on getting his money’s worth. Purple was Taeyong’s freshly dyed hair that week because now that he could see in something other than grey, he wanted to try every tone imaginable at the expense of his hairdresser’s sanity. Jaehyun finally understood why colours were so important for people. Not only were they beautiful, but there were memories and moments tied to each and every one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time he saw his parents in colour, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. He hated crying in front of his parents, but that time he didn’t bother to resist. He told his mother she looked beautiful in her canary yellow sundress, and told his father that he liked the brown frames of his glasses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Copper.” His father had corrected, and just like that, another colour entered his life. When they were alone, Jaehyun did his best to describe what he was seeing to his mother, who held her son’s hands and sat quietly while tears rolled down the peachy blush on her cheeks. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if she was crying out of sadness for herself, or out of relief that her son had gotten to experience what she never could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun had grown so accustomed to this beauty that the day that dull pain returned once again, his heart felt like it had stopped dead in its tracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amongst the frantic cries of strangers, the strikingly bright lights of the ambulance and the wailing of its sirens, the last thing Jaehyun saw before losing consciousness was Taeyong’s once rosy pink lips, now stained crimson with blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jaehyun woke up in the hospital, he didn’t need anyone to tell him before he realized the harrowing truth that he would now have to live with. Taeyong was gone. The world that was vibrant hours, maybe minutes ago, had returned to the agonizingly dull monochromatic scale of grey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun had been told many things in the last few days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re so sorry for your loss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't care for the obligatory sympathy at that point. He wanted to know why he had lost his ability to see colour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no medical explanation to how colour vision works.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know the limits or boundaries of colour vision.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is nothing we can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then that Jaehyun felt completely hopeless. Without colour, his only remaining connection to Taeyong was gone too. He had been in the hospital for weeks, physically healing fine but refusing to eat or get out of bed, sometimes lacking the energy to stay awake for more than three minutes before falling asleep again. His dreams were full of colour and full of Taeyong. He didn’t want to wake up to a reality where neither of those were in his life anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun was woken up by a slight nudging on his back. He blinked slowly, vision blurry from not opening his eyes for so long. He rolled around to face his visitor, ready to feign passing out again if he had to. He decided not to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Jae,” a sweet voice half-whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seulgi,” Jaehyun croaked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see you awake.” Jaehyun glanced to the foot of his bed to see a light-haired boy smiling softly. The last time Jaehyun saw that hair, it was platinum with faded purple streaks. It probably still was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to see you while awake, Yuta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you dreaming of me?” Jaehyun almost wished he was. He had dreamt of a different light haired boy for so long, he expected him to be standing in Yuta’s place at that moment. Saving Jaehyun from having to come up with a quip of his own, another boy walked into the room holding a tray full of jello cups. When he saw Jaehyun, he pushed the tray into Yuta’s hands and ran to hug him, ignoring the wires that he was about to further tangle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re awake!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry! Sorry. Man, I haven’t seen you conscious in two weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to see you too, Doyoung.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seulgi stared at him expectantly. Jaehyun guessed that she was hoping for something of a reaction out of him but he couldn’t comply. Here he was surrounded by three of his closest friends, but he couldn’t get himself to even greet them with a smile. Despite sleeping for the better part of the past two weeks, he was tired. He wanted to apologize to Seulgi, who changed her expression before he could say anything. She had always cared for others without needing anything in return. She smiled softly and reached to cup his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We missed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun lay limp under the warmth of her hand. He thought of when Taeyong used to cup his face before giving him a quick kiss and leaving for work. If Jaehyun closed his eyes, he could pretend that it was Taeyong, but if he closed his eyes he knew he’d fall asleep again. Jaehyun did his best to ignore the thoughts creeping up on him. What good would it do for him to keep thinking of Taeyong if he couldn’t have him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Yuta cleared his throat upon seeing Jaehyun’s eyes glaze over. “Want some jello? Clearly Doyoung needs these to feed his family of fifteen, but I’m sure he can spare one.” The corner of Jaehyun’s mouth twisted into the beginnings of a smile at Yuta’s comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The nurses said they were free!” Doyoung exclaimed. “And I haven’t bought groceries in two weeks,” he said, quieter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What flavour do you want, Jae?” asked Yuta. Without thinking, Jaehyun responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Red.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta shot a what-do-I-do look to Seulgi, who made a twisting motion with her hand. To Yuta’s relief, he turned the cup in his hand to find that the flavour had been scribbled on the plastic with permanent marker, as well as the colour name in brackets. Jaehyun had been the first of his friends to gain colour vision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like the field is even again, huh?” Jaehyun said, watching Yuta’s struggle. His friends pushed out insincere chuckles and Yuta tossed a cup labelled “strawberry (red)” onto Jaehyun’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next hour was spent complaining about the blandness of hospital jello and Jaehyun’s friends catching him up on the last two weeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doyoung’s been coming here everyday. He’s slept here a few times, if I’m correct.” Seulgi glanced at Doyoung, who was looking at the floor. He shrugged as if it was no big deal to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would have too,” Seulgi continued, “But I had to look after Jaesu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d expect nothing else, Seul.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaesu was short for “Jaehyun and Seulgi.” When the two graduated vet school, they couldn’t think of anything else to name their clinic. They settled on merging their names together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaesu,” Seulgi had said as the sign was being put up. “Luck. Fortune. It’s kinda nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People who don’t speak Korean won’t get it,” Jaehyun said, clicking his tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t need to, babe. We get it, and it’s cute!” Taeyong said as he put his arm around Jaehyun’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I should be proud of you or make fun of you for dreaming of opening your own </span>
  <em>
    <span>vet clinic</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the last twenty-something years,” Doyoung said, nudging Seulgi with his shoulder. She shrugged him off, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all have that one thing we wanna do with our lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Doc McStuffins.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seulgi scoffed, but couldn’t stay annoyed for long. She had worked her entire life to turn her passion into her career. Her passion happened to be cute animals. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun on the other hand, had no clue what he wanted to do until he befriended Seulgi in their second year of university. He had switched his major more times than he’d care to admit at that point, but seeing her drive inspired him into making up his mind. His decision was to follow Seulgi and see how far that would take him. Turns out it was a good fit for him, and now he was about to start his own clinic with his friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enjoy sticking your fingers in animal butts,” he looked at Jaehyun. “Amongst other things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doyoung!” Seulgi gasped, breaking into laughter. Taeyong smacked his shoulder and Jaehyun rolled his eyes. He was glad that he was the only one that could see Taeyong’s cheeks turn a peachy colour from embarrassment. Save for Doyoung’s tasteless jokes, it was a moment Jaehyun cherished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Yuta and Doyoung left, Seulgi stayed behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking of hiring someone for the time being. An intern maybe. Just to help out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, Seul? You think I can’t go back to work because I lost someone? I’m not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Jaehyun,” she said without missing a beat. “Because you were in a car accident and still need to physically recover.” Jaehyun looked at the floor, not sure what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can come back to work when the doctor clears you, but even then you could use some help.” She paused, then leaned over to hug him. She used one hand, barely touching him as if she was scared it’d bruise him further. “I know you’re angry, but we’re here to help. Not to pity you. We’ll take you home when you’re ready.” She stood up and let him know that the three of them would be back soon, then left. Jaehyun looked up at the flickering fluorescent lights. He didn’t want to go home if he had no one to go home to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Six days after that visit, Jaehyun was going to go home. He had insisted that he wasn’t feeling strong enough, but Seulgi wouldn’t take no for an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna let you wallow in self-pity here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just wallow at home, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine by me,” she shrugged while throwing Jaehyun’s belongings into a duffel bag. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time he stepped foot in his apartment after the accident, Jaehyun felt like his legs would give out. He didn’t look, but heard someone behind him take a step forward, as if they were ready to catch him. Jaehyun entered his apartment in silence, followed by Yuta, Seulgi, and Doyoung. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doie’s putting your stuff away. Do you want something to eat?” asked Yuta. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything in the fridge is probably expired,” Jaehyun said, not making eye contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go sit down, we’ll order in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun flopped on his couch, unable to hold back tears any longer. The couch still smelled ever-so-faintly of Taeyong. The whole apartment did. It was where they had spent almost five years together, of course it would smell like him. Jaehyun buried his face in his hands in an effort to muffle his sobbing, although he knew his friends wouldn’t care. He felt an arm around his shoulder and allowed himself to fall into Yuta as his face became stained with tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning,” Jaehyun heard as he opened his eyes. Yuta was looking down at him, apparently not having moved since Jaehyun was last awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long was I out?” Jaehyun asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About two hours,” Doyoung replied from the kitchen. Jaehyun sat up from Yuta’s lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could’ve moved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, it’s fine. I was making good use of your Netflix account,” Yuta motioned to Jaehyun’s tv with the remote in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! Chef Kim presents a three course meal, freshly prepared by himself and sous-chef Kang!” Doyoung exclaimed as he and Seulgi walked over holding the Chinese food they ordered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group ate mostly in silence, other than Doyoung occasionally commenting on the tv show they were watching. To Jaehyun, everything was background noise. Even chewing his food felt like a task, so he ate slowly and left his plate half full before giving up. Jaehyun wanted to go to bed, but he knew it would be doused with the smell of clementines. He stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you guys are staying over tonight, decide who takes the bed. I’ll be in the den.” The den was a small extension of the apartment that could have been a balcony- if Taeyong hadn’t insisted on getting it closed off to create a space for them to “relax.” They had ended up using it as more of a guest room. That meant it wouldn’t smell like Taeyong. Jaehyun would take what he could get at that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His friends watched him close the sliding glass doors. He neglected to draw the curtains before taking his place on the pull-out couch, which was still in couch mode. Doyoung, Seulgi, and Yuta continued eating in silence. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Story playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/55f8jQsuuGYpNXputudHHd?si=BnHtx8MFT2SQ3P0jzXKa1Q</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was a cold October morning, months after the accident. Jaehyun woke up and peeked outside at the changing leaves drifting to the ground. A collage of grey. He could picture the colours so clearly in his mind- a wonderful assortment of warm tones. Fiery red coupled with dark oranges, contrasted by golden-yellows and some light greens that had yet to turn. But what good would it do him by just imagining? He got ready for work as usual, grabbing whatever was first in his closet. He had memorized whatever colour his clothes were, but didn’t care to put outfits together. Only colour-visioned people would see, and his white coat would cover most of it, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seulgi was at the clinic before him, as usual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you do something to your hair?” Jaehyun asked, taking off his coat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm!” she nodded enthusiastically. “Mom says the streaks are green.” Jaehyun could picture it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks nice,” he smiled. His eyes had yet to realize his mouth was smiling, even when he was being sincere. Shortly, an elderly lady entered with her dog. Jaehyun did his best to look energetic. He had been back at work for over a few months now, but it still felt like an adjustment rather than a return to his daily life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look who it is! My favourite patient!” A border collie with brilliant, shining fur ran to Jaehyun, wagging her tail in joy. Jaehyun had known the dog since it was a puppy, he knew its fur was black and white. It comforted him in a way- when he looked at the dog, it wasn’t much different than when he could see it in colour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s happy to see you!” the owner exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m happy to see her,” Jaehyun said, kneeling to pet the dog. He stood back up to talk to the owner. “Haven’t had to see her in a while though. Is everything ok?” The lady looked concerned. She explained to Jaehyun that her dog hadn’t been eating and slept more often than usual.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sounds familiar,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought Jaehyun. “Don’t worry, Jamun. I’ll help you feel better in no time,” Jaehyun said, scratching the dog’s chin. The lady, an Indian woman, had told Jaehyun that she had named her dog after her favourite sweet, which he thought was fitting. Jamun, whenever Jaehyun saw her, was happy and sprightly. She got along with strangers, and had bonded well with Jaehyun. She wasn’t old for her breed, so Jaehyun was concerned upon hearing her symptoms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Jamun’s checkup, Jaehyun was devastated. Doctors weren’t supposed to get attached to their patients, but Jaehyun loved this one like it was his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Khan,” Jaehyun said solemnly as the dog’s owner entered the room. “I’m afraid Jamun has melanoma. It’s unexpected, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She won’t make it, will she?” The lady looked like she would burst into tears. “She’s been looking awfully… She’s so tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The average lifespan after surgery is a year, if you decide to go through with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So she won’t make it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Khan, don’t look at it like that,” Jaehyun said softly. “I think you should make her happy, and be happy with her. You have a lot of time left, I promise. Each second you spend with her is precious. Imagine if she had passed without warning.” He stopped talking. Mrs. Khan was no stranger to Jaehyun’s story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re right,” she said, wiping a tear away. “We’re gonna make her happy for as long as we can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two left soon after, Mrs. Khan complimenting Seulgi’s hair on the way out. Jaehyun admired how quickly the woman had pulled herself together, considering the news she had just heard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours had passed and it was nearly closing time. It was a small clinic, so they had few patients and fewer walk-ins. The few other people that worked there had gone home already. Jaehyun had spent most of the day looking over options to email Mrs. Khan, trying to see what would allow Jamun to live longer and more comfortably until she inevitably had to go. As Seulgi was about to grab her jacket, a young boy ran into the clinic. Strangely, he didn’t seem to have a pet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” were the first things he said. The boy took off his hood. His hair was a light shade, but not similar to white. Jaehyun guessed that he was blond, unless it was dyed an unexpected colour. “I know you guys are just about to close, but see, I kind of put this thing off until last minute and last minute happens to be now-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it, kid?” Jaehyun said from behind the receptionist’s counter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, sir” the boy repeated. “I just need a place to complete my volunteer hours, and a friend told me you guys were looking for someone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sixteen, sir. Highschool junior.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to call me sir. I’m Dr. Jung, and this is Dr. Kang,” he motioned to Seulgi, who smiled at the boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you s- Dr. Jung. And you, Dr. Kang. I’m Mark!” Jaehyun began to speak, but Seulgi beat him to it. She guessed that Jaehyun would deny any help, and she was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, Mark, that sounds great. Dr. Jung and I could use an assistant. Come back tomorrow and we’ll see what you can do,” she said, smiling sweetly. The boy agreed happily before bidding them goodbye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m practically healed.” Jaehyun said when he had left. Seulgi scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not everything has to do with you, Jae. Let him do his volunteering, he can do the little tasks you hate.” She then left, waving goodbye from outside. Before Jaehyun could get up, the boy came running back. Jaehyun watched through the glass as Mark almost crashed into the door before practically ramming through it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgot,” Mark panted, hands resting on his thighs as he leaned over, trying to catch his breath. “I just need your signature on this,” he held up a folded, wrinkled piece of paper. Jaehyun looked outside. Trees were blowing wildly and the sky was turning a darker grey than it just was. Autumn rain was the worst to Jaehyun, it was cold and relentless and unnecessary in his opinion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say, Mark,” Jaehyun said while signing, “How do you get home from here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I just live a few blocks from here. I was gonna walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t look great outside. Do you have anyone you can call?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My brother...” Mark paused to think. “Not sure if he’s home yet, though.” Jaehyun wasn’t eager to stay out any longer than he had to, but he didn’t wanna let this seemingly nice kid get sick on his watch. Right at that moment, rain started to pour. No drops or drizzle as warning, just a silent and violent shower. Mark looked outside in distress. Jaehyun sighed, not loud enough for Mark to notice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can give you a ride… if you want.” Mark’s face lit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the three minute drive from the clinic to Mark’s house, Jaehyun learned all about his community service class and the friends that were taking it with him. Jaehyun had no interest in a “Run-jin” or a “Jay-min,” but the boy could talk. There was a time when Jaehyun wouldn’t have minded, in fact, he would have gladly listened. Since the accident, Jaehyun just wasn’t himself. He was more indifferent, never caring much about anything. He hadn’t made efforts to keep in touch with most of his old friends, and didn’t bother to make new ones. He was afraid that he would have lost his three best friends if they weren’t so insistent on visiting him regularly. He couldn’t express it, but he was thankful that they didn’t give up on him. He only wished he could repay them with the same attitude. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun pulled into a street lined with townhouses. He wondered if they were red brick, or perhaps multicoloured. Jaehyun had always loved houses like this, always slowing down when he drove in such streets so he could admire the architecture. The houses alternated in shades- dark, light, dark, light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right over here!” Mark pointed to one of the dark houses. Cars were lined on the sides of the road, each doing their best not to scrape another, so Jaehyun didn’t bother parking. No one else was driving there at the moment anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks so much, Dr. Jung,” Mark exclaimed, eyes shining. When Jaehyun actually made eye contact, he noticed that the boy's eyes were… sparkly, for lack of better words. There was something impossibly sweet about them, making Mark seem even more youthful and bright. Jaehyun watched as Mark held his hood up and ran up the steps of his house, the doors opening before he even got all the way up. Jaehyun could see an arm ushering Mark into the house but the face was covered by leaves dancing in the wind. Jaehyun drove home in near silence, the howling of the wind taking over every other noise. The rain might not be so bad if it weren’t for the wind blowing it into everything like tiny bullets. Jaehyun took his time walking from his parking spot to his apartment. He could have used the one he had in the underground garage, but he wanted to feel the rain today. The freezing cold water relaxed him, despite it feeling like it would pierce right through his skin and bones. His clothes were soaked by the time he got to the lobby.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The familiar after-rain smell from the night before was even more apparent in the morning. He had left his window open a crack, which was enough to chill his whole room. He pulled his blanket around him and sat up in an attempt to open his eyes all the way. He glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. 6:33am. He'd woken up half an hour early, perhaps because of the cold. He picked up his phone, groaning at the brightness when the screen flashed on. It was nearly at the lowest setting, but his eyes still didn’t agree with him. He scrolled through various apps for a few minutes before closing them out of boredom. Everything felt mundane, from his feet touching the chilly hardwood floors to brushing his teeth. For the past few months, everything had felt the exact same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sky was still a light grey when Jaehyun got to work, but there didn’t seem to be any clouds. Seulgi smiled when he walked in, just as she did every morning. Jaehyun looked around at the empty waiting room. His other colleagues weren’t there yet. He dragged his feet with every step, wondering how he would kill time until the world started moving again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was four in the afternoon and Jaehyun heard the door open, watching as a ball of fluff came bouncing in in the form of Mark’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re here!” Seulgi said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Dr. Kang,” the boy said, cheerier than yesterday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we should find someone to show you around.” Seulgi looked at Jaehyun. He mouthed “I’m good” in hopes that she wouldn’t stick the kid with him, but when she opened his schedule and purposely turned the screen towards him before showing Mark, he knew she wouldn’t be so kind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr. Jung’s schedule is pretty clear this afternoon, perhaps he can show you the ropes!” she said in her sweetest voice, making Jaehyun scoff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun and Mark stood in silence, Mark’s eyes wide in anticipation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” Jaehyun tried to think of something to say. “This is where we keep the food and extra supplies for our patients. If we ever ask you to get them a water bottle or anything, you can get it from here. Mark nodded, his expression falling slightly. Jaehyun felt bad that he was boring the boy, but he didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What colour is your hair?” Jaehyun asked in an effort to make conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My friend Jaemin said it’s blond!” Mark’s eyes lit up again. “He’s my age, but he’s already found his soulmate, isn’t that insane?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Insane,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t wanna dye it at first, but he insisted it would look good.” Mark scratched the back of his head. “I’m not sure, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks good.” Jaehyun said. He could imagine the boy with golden locks, like a baby lion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks! Can you see colour, Dr. Jung?” Mark was fiddling with an empty hamster cage that he had unlatched by accident. Jaehyun thought about telling Mark that he once could. The boy would’ve enjoyed hearing about it, he could guess that much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark looked at him, not thinking anything of it. “But it still looks good.” Jaehyun twisted his mouth, hoping it would look like a polite smile and not like he was constipated. It could have been an exaggeration, but Jaehyun was unsure of the last time he felt himself genuinely smile. He hadn’t had opportunities to laugh lately. Aside from work, he didn’t go anywhere or talk to anyone. He didn’t watch movies or tv much either, let alone comedies. He hadn’t even bought groceries since he got back from the hospital, unless you count the fruits Seulgi dropped off for him on occasion. When she and Yuta visited to see various takeout containers open on the counter, she had him hold Jaehyun down so she could force feed him an apple. “In the name of nutrition,” she had said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day passed like it normally did, and Mark hadn’t broken anything. Seulgi considered this a great sign. Jaehyun didn’t mind either, as he could now delegate feeding and cleaning tasks to Mark. The next day, to Jaehyun, was also the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost time to go home. Jaehyun stared at the clock on his computer as it changed digits. Every minute took an hour to pass. He glanced to his side when he heard a loud gasp, only to see Seulgi holding up a kitten and Mark attempting to pet it with one finger. He looked back at his computer. The minute had not passed. Jaehyun didn’t work on weekends, instead he lay in bed until his bladder couldn’t take it anymore and then maybe ate a piece of toast. He’d usually read a book or look for people to unfollow on Instagram. His weekends were far from exciting, but they were a relief to him. “Uninterrupted sad time,” Doyoung had called it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The minute hadn’t passed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m bringing the boys over at seven,” Seulgi said. She was in front of Jaehyun’s desk now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does everything need an occasion?” Jaehyun thought for a bit, then said “yes” just to irritate her. Seulgi rolled her eyes. “The occasion is Friday night. Also, I feel like I haven’t visited you in so long.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had only been eight days since she had been to his apartment, but Jaehyun had shooed her out after taking the box of muffins she had brought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to… masturbate.” He had failed to think of any other excuse in the moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re not m-” Seulgi had started yelling from the other side of his door before acknowledging that she was in the hallway. “I know you’re not doing that,” she said, quieter. “Jae, please, all you do is sit and mope by yourself. Please let one of us mope with you if nothing else.” Jaehyun didn’t answer. “Misery loves company?” Jaehyun didn’t answer. Seulgi sighed loudly so Jaehyun could hear her, and then her footsteps got quieter with distance as she walked away. Jaehyun wasn’t annoyed, in fact, Seulgi had left him alone for a good three weeks after bringing him back from the hospital- much longer than he had expected she would. Jaehyun just didn’t know how to accept help in a time like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Jaehyun said. Seulgi smirked at his lack of refusal, deciding to take it as a good sign. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The minute had passed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun grabbed everything he needed before leaving, until he heard a small clang come from the storage room. He rushed over but, to his relief, it was just a broom that Mark had knocked over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was about to! Right after cleaning up. Hey Dr. Jung, could I get a ride again if you don’t mind? Jaemin was supposed to walk with me but he couldn’t make it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Again with this Jeh-min,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jaehyun thought. He agreed and told Mark to hurry so he could close up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any pretzels?” Yuta asked, rummaging through Jaehyun’s cupboards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jaehyun responded, not looking up from their game of monopoly. He hadn’t wanted to play but, now that he had the most properties, he was quite into it. “Let me place a hotel-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not another one! Please!” Doyoung whined at Jaehyun, holding up his two fake twenty-dollar bills. “I have a family to feed, little Timmy will starve if I land on another one of your properties.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sucks for Timmy,” Jaehyun said flatly, his hotel landing with a small clink on the board. Seulgi laughed into her glass of wine as Doyoung feigned a shot to the chest, clutching his heart and falling backwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You lied, they’re right here!” Jaehyun looked at Yuta this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those have been expired for months.” Yuta looked at the packet he was holding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only three,” he shrugged and popped a pretzel in his mouth. Doyoung cringed at the sight. Jaehyun looked over at Seulgi to tell her it was her turn, except she was sprawled out on his floor like a starfish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m drunk.” She mumbled. Jaehyun sighed and rolled for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to pay Doyoung twenty-four dollars in rent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” she exclaimed. “Capitalism sucks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree,” Jaehyun said, pulling bills from her neatly stacked pile of money and passing them to Doyoung, who was quite happy with his new income. A phone buzzed, prompting everyone to look in its direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Teurgi’th,” said Yuta with a mouthful of pretzels. Seulgi picked it up and handed it to Doyoung.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't read.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s from a Mark. Oooh, who’s Mark?” he said teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-uh, Doie, he’s a highschooler and our new volunteer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nevermind,” Doyoung said quickly. He read in one breath, “It says ‘Sorry to disturb your Friday night but my brother is having a party and told me to invite you since I was telling him about you. If you wanna come, Dr. Jung knows our address, but just in case it’s-’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got it, Doyoung. Just tell him thanks, but no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonononono!” Seulgi yelled from her spot on the floor. “Tell him yesss. I wanna go!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seul, you’re drunk, besides he doesn’t know Doie or Yuta, we can’t take them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes we can! Mark is a sweetheart and you suck so he will like Yoie and Yuta. Also, I am not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> drunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell that to Yoie,” Yuta snickered as Doyoung flashed him a look of annoyance. “I think we should go. Can’t be a rager or anything if your kid brother is still in the house. Plus, when’s the last time you went out, Jae?” Jaehyun looked at Doyoung hoping someone would be on his side, but Doyoung was busy playing with the game pieces. The race car was currently running over the battleship. Jaehyun reluctantly agreed, knowing he wasn’t going to win. If he wanted, he could drop his friends off and speed away. The boys pulled Seulgi to her feet and headed to the parking garage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Parked in front of Mark’s townhouse, there was no visible presence of flashing lights or any music blasting, which relieved Jaehyun a bit. He waited for his friends to get out of the car and almost drove himself home until he saw a ball of fluff poke itself out the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Dr. Kang!” it shouted. Mark’s smile was as wide as ever. Through his car window, Jaehyun saw Mark’s eyes dart from Seulgi to Yuta to Doyoung before asking, “Where’s Dr. Jung?” Yuta grinned and pointed at the car. Jaehyun was stuck now. He took a deep breath before getting out. He greeted the boy with a slight nod of the head. As soon as the group entered the house, a feeling of panic settled over them. A place that had looked so ordinary from outside looked like a furnished piece of modern art on the inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m underdressed,” Doyoung and Yuta said at the same time. Jaehyun looked at his own outfit, jeans and a black t-shirt, and figured that he looked more like someone whose car broke down and needed to borrow a phone than someone who was invited. From the foyer you could see into the living room. There were a few people sitting and chatting, all looking like they would be called to strut down a runway at any minute. Seulgi seemed unaware of her crop top and loose jeans, she was too busy eyeing the glass of wine in a woman’s hand. Mark giggled, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry guys! Most of these people are my brother’s model friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Cause that makes me feel sooo much better,” Doyoung said sarcastically, still looking around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it helps,” Mark continued, “Just look at what I’m wearing.” Jaehyun looked at Mark’s hoodie, the same one he was wearing a few hours ago, and felt slightly- </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh so slightly</span>
  </em>
  <span>- better about himself. Yuta suddenly yelled out Seulgi’s name. Jaehyun whipped his head to see her walking towards the woman with the wine glass. The boys half-ran behind her, trying not to draw attention. The woman turned her head as Seulgi plucked the glass from her hand and let out a quiet “oh” as she downed what was left in the cup. Doyoung began profusely apologizing on her behalf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry!” he said, emphasizing every word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get you another one!” Yuta said, running off to find wherever the alcohol was kept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our friend is actually very smart,” Jaehyun attempted to save face for Seulgi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s just drunk right now,” Doyoung followed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a doctor,” Jaehyun added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys,” the woman began, “It’s fine! Your friend…” she looked at Seulgi, who was latching on to Jaehyun’s shoulder. “She’s kinda cute.” The woman let out a light laugh, and suddenly Jaehyun felt inferior again. Her laugh was gentle and melodical, and beautiful like the rest of her. She wore a sleeveless, probably black dress that hugged her figure. She was a tiny woman, perhaps smaller than Seulgi if she stood up, but she radiated sophistication and something that made Jaehyun want to bow before her. He felt like he should be polishing her shoes. Her skin was pale but glowed like the full moon, and her cheeks were blushed. Jaehyun wondered if it was natural, from alcohol, makeup, or perhaps a mix of all three. He could’ve guessed better if he could see the colour that graced her face. Her eyes and lips looked like they were painted by the gentle and precise brushstrokes of ancient artists. Even without colour vision, Jaehyun could see the perfect ombre that lay on her lips. There was a light dusting of glitter around her eyes, but Jaehyun wouldn’t have been surprised if that was somehow natural for her. The woman’s hair was long, dark, and shone like silk under the lights. Jaehyun finally stopped staring when Seulgi whined at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My head hurts!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe if you didn’t drink random people’s stuff,” Doyoung whispered sharply. The woman spoke again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, don’t worry about it.” She paused and looked at all three of them before speaking again. Jaehyun felt like she was evaluating his entire existence in the half-second that she glanced at him. “I’m Irene.” The name fit her. She extended a slender, elegant hand to none of them in particular. Doyoung was the first to grab it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Doyoung, this is Jaehyun and Seulgi. The other guy was Yuta and that’s Mark-” Doyoung cut himself off. He seemed to be just as entranced as Jaehyun. The woman chuckled again, perhaps genuinely or perhaps at the display of stupidity Jaehyun and his friends were currently putting on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I know Mark. It’s nice to meet the rest of you.” Irene pushed her hair back, making her large earrings more visible. She wore no necklace, but her defined collarbones felt like decoration enough. She knew how to accessorize and draw attention to the right places, as to be expected from a model. Irene continued in conversation with them, asking Doyoung about what he did and, more to her interest, what Seulgi did. The other girl was still too out of it to pick up any signals Irene was putting down. However, Irene didn’t have to wonder when Seulgi not-so-quietly whispered to Jaehyun,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretty! Like a frickin’ model. Like a frick-in’ model.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a model, Seul.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit.” Seulgi looked at Irene with wide eyes and pouted lips. Irene’s expression wasn’t readable, but Jaehyun might have guessed she was looking at Seulgi with amusement. Maybe something more intense. Before anyone else could speak, a voice called out, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten’s gonna dance!” Another voice followed,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fuck I am-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He agrees!” the first voice said. After some quick whispers of protest, a young man stepped out into the middle of the living room. The few people standing there had made room for him, leaving an open area of grey and white marble. He was fiddling with the long sleeves of his shirt, which might have been velvet. No matter the material, it probably cost more than Jaehyun made in a week. Jaehyun pictured the shirt in maroon, which he thought would suit the man. He had a sharp and prominent nose that contrasted with his playful eyes. His hair was choppy and dark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’m dancing,” the man laughed nervously. He collected himself as the room went silent. Irene leaned slightly to whisper to the three, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s incredible.” Someone began to play the piano that Jaehyun had somehow not seen until now. He couldn’t see who was playing because of the open lid. The music had a dramatic start, the first note practically shaking the room. The man took position, thinking for a moment before beginning to dance. Irene was right, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredible</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It felt like the man’s movements flowed without effort, yet you could make out each of them if you paid attention. The light bounced off his shirt as it moved with him, creating a show of its own. The eyes that Jaehyun had just thought of as playful were now intense and piercing, although they didn’t seem to be focusing on anything in particular. The man had little space to move in yet utilized every inch of it. Jaehyun noticed that his fingers were adorned with multiple large rings. They looked like they were made custom for him, and only him. At this point Jaehyun was so overwhelmed, he didn’t dare look directly at another person in fear of them being too pretty for him to handle. He hadn’t expected that his biggest problem at this party would be hot people. The music came to an end, the last note lingering, and the man’s last movement lingering with it. Everyone clapped and cheered as the man giggled while taking a bow. Jaehyun couldn’t believe how quickly his expression had changed back into that playful, lighthearted look. The dancer took swift steps into the arms of a light-haired man who hugged him before resting his hand on his waist. Someone handed the dancer a drink and he clinked it with the light-haired man, who flashed a brilliant smile at the crowd. Jaehyun wondered if either of the two were Mark’s brother. As he was trying to see if any of their features were similar, the person who was playing the piano stood up. Jaehyun’s first reaction was shock at how unexpectedly tall the person was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Ten, for willingly dancing after I forced you to. The world deserves to see it.” So the dancer’s name was “Ten,” Jaehyun hadn’t misheard. The man’s voice was cheerful and warm. To Jaehyun’s dismay, he was also incredibly good looking. His dark hair was styled in a way that it looked naturally swept back. He wore a blazer and jeans, paired with a white t-shirt. It wasn’t as fancy or expensive-looking as some of the outfits in the room, but he still made it look classy. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if he was wearing eyeliner or if his lashes were just that definied. The crowd fell back into conversation amongst each other. The piano player scanned the room and smiled in Jaehyun’s direction, causing Jaehyun to look around himself, wondering if he was the intended recipient of that smile. The man’s lips were a unique shape, curved in distinctive places and in a natural pout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are these your friends, Mark?” He was standing in front of Jaehyun and his friends now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Mark looked at Jaehyun and changed his statement. “Well, my bosses, kinda, and their friends.” Seulgi gently pushed Mark's shoulder with three fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pssht! We’re not in the clinic, I’m just your Seulgi and he’s your Jaehyun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m their Doyoung,” Doyoung added, extending a hand. The man shook it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Johnny, Mark’s brother.” Jaehyun now had a name for the face. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He doesn’t look like a Johnny,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>was all he thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he’s told us a lot about you! Nice to meet you,” Seulgi said while going in for a hug. She was absolutely tiny compared to him. The man laughed as Seulgi let go of him, taken back at her drunken friendliness. His laugh was different, too. Everything about him was… new. Jaehyun gave Seulgi a confused look, if Mark had talked about his brother it was probably just to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to interrupt your night, but I’m glad you could make it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries, we weren’t exactly busy.” Doyoung responded. Thinking about his six hotels in monopoly, Jaehyun disagreed. “So any occasion for this party or…” Doyoung asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no. I just invited a few friends over, but they invited others who invited others. You know how it is.” Jaehyun did not know how it was. Even when he actually interacted with people on a regular basis, he had never been to a party like this. Most of the parties he went to took place in people’s basements and consisted of beer, sometimes cheap wine, and people never invited others because everyone already knew who’d be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys,” a voice cut in. “They have this wine here that costs more than my- oh, hello.” Yuta stopped upon seeing the man towering beside his friends. “I’m Yuta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Johnny.” The man smiled again, and Jaehyun had to wonder if a genuine smile could be that charming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about him,” Doyoung said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all!” Johnny said, flicking his wrist in the air. “The drinks are mostly gifts, I never get to finish a bottle before another one comes in.” He put a hand on Yuta’s back and used the other to motion to where Yuta had just come from. “Don’t hesitate to pop open another bottle if the first ones are finished.” Yuta’s smile was larger than usual at the mention of free, and apparently unlimited drinks. Jaehyun didn’t know whether to be appreciative or annoyed at the man’s generosity. A few moments later his friends had spread out, leaving Jaehyun alone by the entrance of the living room. Irene had gone with them and Mark was talking to the light-haired man from before, leaving him no one to talk to, or rather, hide behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaehyun, right?” Jaehyun jumped, not realizing that anyone was around him. It was Johnny, who had probably come back from a round of talking to his guests. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Jaehyun realized that was the first thing he had said to the man. He hadn’t participated in the group’s conversation before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You good here? We have some drinks and snacks in the kitchen if you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Jaehyun cut him off. The man tilted his head, then smiled again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!” he said, a little too enthusiastically for Jaehyun’s liking. Just as Jaehyun thought he was about to leave, Johnny kept talking. “Mark told me about you, you gave him a ride during the storm, right? Thank you for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” Jaehyun mustered up every bit of mental energy he had in order to not seem rude in front of this annoyingly handsome and generous man. “So uh… what do you do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” the man seemed pleased that Jaehyun had said something. “Long story short I’m a photographer. For magazines and stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your clients must love you,” Jaehyun said, thinking about all the expensive wine Johnny had said he got as gifts. Johnny chuckled,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you could say that. People skills are pretty important if you wanna make a living taking pictures. Keeps the clients coming back.” Jaehyun felt like he had talked to all of eight people since coming back from the hospital. He envied this man that was making conversation so easily, travelling from person to person, always smiling and always having something to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Johnny,” a new voice said. Jaehyun was too busy staring at the floor to see him approach, but it was the light-haired man who had hugged the dancer. “Who’s this?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kun, meet Jaehyun,” Johnny introduced Jaehyun. Kun smiled and gave a nod to Jaehyun. Jaehyun was amazed at his bone structure and frankly, a little intimidated. Kun was wearing what looked like a black shirt with the sleeves pushed up, paired with fitted pants that were a similar shade as his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you a model too?” Jaehyun asked. Kun half-scoffed, half-laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately not. I work a very non-glamorous job. I’m just here with my boyfriend.” Kun looked in the direction of Ten, who was pretending to play the piano very dramatically, resulting in a fit of laughter from Mark. “That is… not him,” Kun joked. “I like your hair,” he pointed to Jaehyun’s head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see colour?” Jaehyun asked. Kun nodded, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since finding Ten. What about you?” There was that question again. Jaehyun wanted to tell the world about Taeyong. He wanted to brag about the boy with beautiful pink cheeks and a different hair colour every other week. The boy that only bought those frustrating multicoloured pens after gaining colour vision because he was “tired of doodling in black.” Despite all the wonderful things he could say about Taeyong, he didn’t want the awkward “I’m so sorry for your loss” from people he may not ever talk to again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.” Jaehyun replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, whoever chose that colour for you did a good job.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong had chosen the colour for Jaehyun. Unlike Taeyong, Jaehyun wasn’t willing to dye his hair. However, Taeyong had pestered him so much, he eventually gave in. Taeyong had held up swatches of red and blue, but Jaehyun had asked him to “cool it.” He ended up walking out of that salon with gleaming, chestnut brown hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not very adventurous, but it's cute. You look like an acorn,” Taeyong giggled, making Jaehyun run his hands through his hair to try and disrupt the bowl shape it was currently in. Taeyong pretended to bite Jaehyun’s head, who instinctivley ducked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t eat my hair in public… or ever. You don’t know how many times we’ve had a “dying” cat come in when it was just a hairball.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I’m gonna get a hairball?” Taeyong twisted his face, then laughed. “Get me something else to eat then,” Taeyong pointed at a man with an ice-cream freezer attached to his bike. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not stopping, Yong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better run after him, then,” Taeyong shrugged and unlinked his arm from Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun stared at him in disbelief and feigned annoyance, then took off running as Taeyong watched, clutching his stomach in laughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night had passed with Jaehyun still near the corner he had originally been in. His friends had returned after hours, Yuta now just as drunk as Seulgi had been. Unlike Seulgi who was giggly, Yuta was loud and physically clingy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Jaehyun!” he yelled while grabbing on to his arm. “Where’s the hot guy you were talking to?” Jaehyun tried to move his ear as far away as he could with Yuta attached to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With his boyfriend.” Yuta scrunched his nose and frowned at the response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we have to take these guys home, Jae.” Doyoung said, shaking his head at Yuta. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come to my place!” Seulgi suggested. “Irene also wants to come.” Jaehyun looked at Irene, who was being held at the wrist by Seulgi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” she smiled softly at Seulgi. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if Irene was drunk too, her voice was so calm and collected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll drop you all off, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Jae,” Seulgi whined. “You have to sleep over.” Jaehyun wanted to sleep more than anything at the moment, he didn’t care if it was in his own bed or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Jaehyun sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drop me off though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun nodded to Doyoung as they tried to usher a very resistant Yuta out the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun woke up in Seulgi’s spare bedroom with Yuta beside him. He was halfway hanging off the bed, making Jaehyun scared to move in case it would cause him to fall right off. He tried to strategically shimmy to the foot of the bed and get out as Yuta continued snoring. When he entered Seulgi’s living room she and Irene were sitting on her couch. Irene had changed from her dress into a cropped sweater and loose jeans. If Jaehyun had cared to pay attention, he would’ve realized that they were Seulgi’s clothes. The two were chatting and Seulgi said something that made Irene laugh. Jaehyun was taken back for a second when he heard what could be described as a “cackle” of sorts. Not unpleasant or cacophonous, but it definitely wasn’t the laugh Jaehyun had heard last night. This time, Irene was loud and laughed openly with her head thrown back, as if she had not a care in the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seems like you're out of your element, Irene.” The girl turned around to look at Jaehyun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t Irene’s element, it’s Joohyun’s,” she smiled. Jaehyun looked at Seulgi for an explanation, but Irene provided one first. “Joohyun’s my real name. Irene just fits better for what I do.” Jaehyun had no more questions. He admired that she could show a completely different side of her when she had to, just like Ten when he was dancing. He thought it would do him good to learn that skill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seulgi’s apartment was bigger than Jaehyun’s by a bit- neater too, especially nowadays. When Jaehyun got home, he didn’t really bother to clean up or put things in place. Clothes would be thrown on a chair or the floor and he didn’t eat using anything that couldn’t be thrown out. He had initially thought that he could get past this depression quickly, but it appeared to be harder than expected. Without Taeyong, he didn’t know what to do. Of course he knew </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do everything he used to, he just couldn’t find a purpose to do them. No one would eat with him if he cooked, no one would scold him for not folding his clothes, no one would pretend to gag at him if he didn’t shower for days on end. Sometimes Seulgi did when visiting, and it actually made him feel better when she would throw his own dirty socks at him. It wasn’t the same as Taeyong, but it gave him a reason to get off his ass for a few minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun walked to Seulgi’s kitchen, which unlike his, was stocked. His friend was big on being “healthy,” a concept Jaehyun had claimed not to understand as he stuffed his face with the last bite of his burger and an onion ring at the same time. Opening Seulgi’s fridge was the same as staring into the produce section of a grocery store. He grimaced at a jar of olives and closed the fridge again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seul, do you have any pop tarts or something?” This time it was Seulgi who grimaced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t wanna cook, I‘ll do it for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s fine, I’ll just buy something on the way home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always buy your meals, when’s the last time you ate a vegetable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I eat vegetables-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Onion rings don’t count,” Seulgi cut off his argument. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaehyun,” Irene spoke up, “You should really taste my banana pancakes, they’re the talk of the town in the Bae household. That being said, the Bae household is just my mom and brother. I’ll make some for all of us, if you want?” Jaehyun didn’t want to reject the offer of someone he had just met. If one of his friends had suggested it, he might have told them to put the banana elsewhere. When Irene was in the kitchen, he went to Seulgi and asked her in a low whisper,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell her about him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she responded immediately. Jaehyun pursed his lips and nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you just met and she’s already cooking for you, huh?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. Seulgi smiled, watching Irene aggressively smash some bananas with a fork. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really like her. Is that weird?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all.” Jaehyun admired the starry look in Seulgi’s eyes. It was all too familiar. “Does your head hurt, by any chance?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, actually. Yuta made me taste test every bottle in that house.” Jaehyun smiled softly. “Are you smiling? At this? Don’t laugh at my pain!” Seulgi playfully punched his arm. Seulgi thought she was just hungover, but Jaehyun knew better. He was happy for his friend, because he knew what was coming. Not that he wished pain on anyone, but he hoped that Irene was feeling that headache right now, too. “Can you be hungover from red wine?” Jaehyun nodded. “I have a question,” Seulgi continued. “Is red wine actually red? ‘Cause I’ve seen red lipstick and it’s so much lighter than the drink.” The question made Jaehyun reminisce about his grudge towards colour when he was younger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s various shades,” he thought about how he could explain colour to someone who had never seen it. He finally realised what Irene was wearing and asked, “Is that the sweater you bought on your New York trip?” Seulgi nodded. “I’d say that’s the default shade of red most people think about. But wine is much darker and… richer?” Jaehyun looked around the room for something to compare it to. He pointed to a plant sitting on her shelf. “It’s about the same shade as that.” Seulgi turned her head back and forth between Irene and the plant, then nodded as if she understood, until furrowing her brows and asking,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t leaves green?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Usually. That plant isn’t, though.” Seulgi glared at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gave me that and didn’t bother to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like you’d have understood the difference!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, still, I’d like to know!” she argued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was easy to forget about the curiosity that lived in most people who hadn’t experienced colour vision. He hadn’t thought about it in a long time, but he recalled his friends bombarding him with questions when he had first informed them about the change in his life. It was a mere few hours after he had woken up that day, and Yuta had almost hit him with a shoe when shoving it in front of his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What colour is this?” he asked, excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no clue, yet, but the top part and the sole are different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sick!” Yuta said, inspecting the shoe he had worn a dozen times before. Jaehyun knew he probably wouldn’t be able to see a difference in greys, but Yuta stared at it nonetheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll know soon enough,” Jaehyun said to Seulgi. She thought nothing of the statement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, sexy people!” Yuta entered the living room in boxers and the shirt he was wearing last night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was wearing pants when I left him,” Jaehyun said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They got uncomfortable- oh…” he had just noticed Irene, who was laughing with her arms crossed and a spatula in her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go put them back on,” Yuta spun around on one heel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys are great,” Irene said, flipping her pancakes. Jaehyun was surprised that she wasn’t put off by how his friends acted around each other, especially Yuta’s strange mannerisms, but that was probably a good sign if what he was thinking turned out to be true. The group ate Irene’s pancakes together, which were truly delicious. Yuta had cut his into a bunny shape, starting a competition between the four of who could design the fanciest pancake. Jaehyun had simply bit three holes into his, calling it a “smiley face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks a bit distressed,” Irene laughed while trying to cut out a flower shape with her utensils. It was a good morning for Jaehyun- the first one in months that didn’t feel like a repeat of the previous day.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The weekend was over as soon as it started, and Jaehyun was back to work. The most interesting event of the day when a mother had to begrudgingly bring her crying child to the clinic with its “dead” hamster. Jaehyun had explained to the child, who was choking on his own tears, that the hamster was just hibernating and should probably be kept in a warmer area. The five or six year old was overjoyed and nearly flung the poor hamster out of the shoebox it was resting in. Jaehyun was expecting Mrs. Khan to schedule an appointment soon to discuss what steps she wanted to take for her dog’s treatment but no call, no email. The clock was at 3:59, which meant Mark would be arriving soon. Not ten seconds had passed before Jaehyun saw Mark through the window. He had someone else with him, though. Jaehyun might have thought it was his brother but the figure, that wore a long puffy jacket, wasn’t the right height. Jaehyun counted down from three in his head for his own entertainment. Just as he hit zero, the door opened and Mark greeted him. The other person pulled off their hood and blew a piece of hair that had fallen in front of their eyes upward.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dr. Jung, this is my friend Jaemin!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“So this is Gem-in,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jaehyun thought. Mark looked to either side of the room. “Where’s Dr. Kang?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“With a patient.” In the span of three days, Mark had managed to introduce Jaehyun to more new people than he had met since the accident, most of which were walk-ins at the clinic. Jaemin had a bright smile with perfectly aligned teeth and a head full of hair that looked impossibly soft. Jaehyun was unsettled by the confidence in Jaemin’s eyes. He refused to break eye contact and Jaehyun refused to be intimidated by a teenager.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hiya!” the boy spoke with great energy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaemin didn’t have a ride after school, and he lives kinda far so I brought him here. Also, Johnny’s not home, so I couldn’t leave him at my place,” Mark explained.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you could have,” Jaemin argued.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not after last time,” Mark said, staring at the space in front of him. Jaemin let out what seemed like a forced chuckle and quickly looked at the floor, intriguing Jaehyun to find out what could possibly have happened </span>
  <em>
    <span>last time</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Anyway,” Mark continued, “he can help me out or just sit here if you prefer.” Jaehyun looked at the other kid and had to blink because he seemed to be bouncing where he stood. He had done the same in high school sometimes, but that was usually after chugging four redbulls. This kid could very well be hyped up on energy drinks, unless he was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> cheery. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he can stick with you. Don’t break anything.” Mark gave a polite laugh as though Jaehyun were joking, but the more he watched Jaemin, the more he thought the kid would explode right then and there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dr. J,” Jaemin said while walking past Jaehyun, “I love your hair! It’s like we’re twins,” the boy exclaimed, emphasizing the word “love.” Jaehyun remembered that Mark had said Jaemin already had colour vision. It wasn’t unheard of, but it wasn’t common for people to meet their soulmate so soon in life. The boy and his partner were lucky. A while later, Seulgi came out, bidding farewell to her patient and its owner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just met Jaemin,” she said as though there was no more to that statement. “He’s… something.” Jaehyun agreed to that much. The boy made a strong first impression, that couldn’t be argued. When he and Mark were leaving, Jaemin hugged Jaehyn and Seulgi goodbye, practically leaping on them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s very friendly,” Mark said while giving them an apologetic look. The two then strolled off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it just me, or is he like some of the puppies we get in here?” Jaehyun asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s exactly it,” Seulgi held up her index finger as if to pinpoint the connection. “He’s sweet though. I think we’re lucky to keep meeting teenagers that aren’t moody and look like they wanna kill you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you think teens </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Seul?” Jaehyun said, shaking his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m honestly not sure,” she giggled. “By the way, Joohyun invited me to a show she’s in on Wednesday night. Wanna come? I asked Doie and Yuta, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are they going?” Jaehyun asked. Seulgi just stared at him, and Jaehyun understood that that was not the point of her statement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You seemed to have a good time with us on Saturday,” Seulgi said quietly, trailing off at the end of her statement. Her tone of “subtle persuasion” that the boys had come to recognize was purposely very unsubtle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess I’m free.” Jaehyun said reluctantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet!” Seulgi considered every time she got Jaehyun to go somewhere a small victory, for both herself and him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wednesday night rolled around, and Jaehyun received a call almost as soon as he stepped into his apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to wear!” Seulgi shrieked on the other side of the phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um,” Jaehyun thought while tossing his jacket on the couch. “A dress?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>kind</span>
  </em>
  <span> of dress, you fool?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, who am I to know what kind of dresses there are?” Seulgi grumbled at Jaehyun’s response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should've called Yuta.” Jaehyun scoffed as if to say, “No shit.” “I’m the date of a model Jae, I can’t look like a toad tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t look like a toad,” Jaehyun said, not paying much attention. “What about that black dress with the sleeves up to your elbows? That one’s nice. Pair it with a big necklace and earrings, give the models a run for their money.” There was silence on the other side of the line.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That would actually look pretty good… what happened to not knowing about outfits?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said I don’t know about dress types. Taeyong is- was huge on accessorizing,” Jaehyun caught his slip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can use present tense, I’m not an English teacher,” Seulgi tried to lighten the energy. She knew small things could ruin Jaehyun’s mood, when other times he’d just blow past them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not present tense, though.” That was where Jaehyun wanted to end that part of the conversation. “What do you think I should wear?” Seulgi picked up with her original tone of distress,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have like three things in your closet, pick the fanciest one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Solid advice, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two talked a bit more before Seulgi hung up to get ready. Jaehyun stared into his closet. Taeyong’s clothes were still there, but he had moved them to the far side. They were much more colourful and patterned than his own. Jaehyun reached for a checkered blazer on Taeyong’s side of the closet. He ran his hands over the material and picked at the bits of lint that were sticking up. The room suddenly felt a lot quieter with no Seulgi on the phone. The windows were closed, so not much of the outside noise was coming in either. Jaehyun could hear himself breathe. It was random moments like this when he missed Taeyong the most. Random moments when emotion seemed to flood his body and weaken his limbs until leaking out a few minutes later and allowing him to continue whatever he was doing. He set the blazer down beside him and took a seat on his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should come with me,” Jaehyun spoke into the emptiness of the room. “You always appreciated fashion more. I’ll wear your clothes, so you can’t make fun of me this time,” he looked at the blazer as he spoke. He wished Taeyong would make fun of him, though. He wished he would call his style boring or try to force him to wear an earring in public. Anything, anything at all. Jaehyun sighed, feeling the coldness that had taken over his hands. He rubbed them together in hopes of warming them up and stood up to try and find something to pair the blazer with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yuta opened Seulgi’s door when Jaehyun knocked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goddamn, Jung, looking good.” Jaehyun had worn the blazer over a black hoodie made of t-shirt material, and tucked the hoodie into black skinny jeans. He also chose a long necklace that he wrapped around his neck twice, making it look like one long and one short chain. To try and finish the look off, he wore a thin belt with metal accents around each loop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t think it’s too much?” Yuta looked at the outfit again, thinking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For you, it’s not enough.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to take that,” Jaehyun said, finally entering the apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a compliment, my guy,” Yuta said, lifting himself to sit on the kitchen counter. The chains on his pants jingled against the counter when he tried to shift in place. He was wearing a large bomber jacket over a white graphic shirt and had put his hair in a little low ponytail. He had sunglasses hanging on the collar of his shirt, even though it was almost dark out. They looked like the orange ones Jaehyun had seen before, judging from the frames. Yuta was often the best-dressed person in the room without even trying. Seulgi walked out from her bedroom and smiled when she saw that Jaehyun had arrived. She had worn what Jaehyun had suggested and styled her hair in a ponytail.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you cut your own bangs?” Jaehyun asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re extensions, Jae. Say nothing,” she lifted a finger to her lips. “You guys look better than me, this is tragic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I doubt that. And I doubt anyone’s gonna look at any of us when we’re surrounded by models.” Yuta said, picking up a banana from the fruit basket beside him. He looked at Seulgi as if to ask, “Can I eat this?” and she nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doie can’t make it today, forgot to tell you guys.” Jaehyun was a bit disappointed as now he’d have no one to follow around. Yuta usually wandered off at big events to do god knows what before returning just as it was time to leave. Seulgi would be with Irene, and Jaehyun didn’t want to third-wheel them. He was on his own. Jaehyun checked the battery percentage on his phone, hoping that it would be able to handle him standing in a corner and playing Candy Crush all night.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The venue was smaller than Jaehyun expected. The runway took up most of the space and chairs were pushed together without any room in between in an effort to seat as many spectators as possible. The first row of chairs on each side of the runway was spaced out, Jaehyun guessed that those were reserved for important people. Jaehyun and Yuta took seats towards the back while Seulgi found a spot up front so Irene could see her. The announcer came out, giving a little background information about the first designer whose clothes were about to be modelled. Jaehyun was impressed already, he didn’t even know events like these occurred in his city. The main lights went off and only the runway was illuminated. The models walked out one by one, expressionless. Each walked with purpose and confidence, but you couldn’t see it in their faces. This designer seemed to be keen on lace and long dresses, Jaehyun noticed. The models had blush practically painted on them. Jaehyun could tell it was heavy since he could spot it from where he was sitting, and without colour vision. They wore barely any eye makeup, though. The hairstyles were styled after the “wet look,” as if they had just gotten out of a pool and swept their hair back. The announcer soon came out again, talking about the next “local designer.” The first model came out, and Jaehyun was shocked at the difference in styles. This one appeared to be focused on streetwear. The outfits were bulky and had at least four accessories each. Jaehyun hadn’t seen this many bucket hats in one place in his life. The announcer had mentioned that this designer had colour vision, but still chose to use shades of grey for their clothes so everyone could enjoy it the same way. Two more designers showcased their work, and Jaehyun had yet to spot Irene amongst the models. Finally, the last designer was announced. The models stepped out in glittering outfits, each of them looking delicate but fierce. Unlike the models for the first designer, who had dreamy but somewhat vapid expressions, these ones looked like they knew they were currently the most important person in the room. Finally, Irene walked out. It was like everyone else ceased to exist. She was modelling a short dress with string-like straps that sparkled as if the material was made from stars. The look was simple, only strapped heels and an equally sparkly headband with her hair straightened and tucked behind her ears- but something about </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> just completed it. Irene walked the runway as if she was in charge of the room. Her movements were sharp but graceful. How could someone look so magical while walking? She stopped at the end of the runway to pose, giving a cold look to the crowd, but he swore he could see her hold back a smile while turning back around. She must’ve spotted Seulgi. He searched for Seulgi in the crowd to try and see her reaction. Jaehyun swore everyone was holding their breath as Irene slipped backstage. People clapped as they had the first four times, and the announcer came back out to tell everyone they’d have a chance to meet the designers, as well as have drinks and snacks in another room. People started getting out of their seats as soon as the lights turned back on but Jaehyun waited so as to not get caught up in the sea of people. He looked beside him to see that Yuta had already left, probably trying to get his hands on the aforementioned snacks. As the room cleared out, Jaehyun got up, only for someone to call this name. He turned to see a man in a black shirt and long coat that was a couple shades lighter, paired with… PVC pants?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought it was you,” the man said, leaning against a wall. He held a camera in one hand, close to his chest for security as the strap wasn’t around his neck. His frame was long and slender, the coat accenting his height. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Johnny?” Jaehyun didn’t expect to see Mark’s brother here- or anywhere after leaving their house that night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to see you! Did you enjoy the show?” Jaehyun might’ve expected him to ask something along the lines of “What are you doing here?”, but apparently Johnny wasn’t concerned- after all, he didn't know how out of place Jaehyun felt at events like this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. Very interesting,” Jaehyun’s words sounded more insincere than he had intended. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not your thing, huh?” Johnny smirked. Jaehyun nodded with a hum. “I get that. The food they serve is usually good though, wanna go get some?” he pointed to the door that people had been going through. Jaehyun nodded again and gestured for Johnny to lead the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room they entered felt much bigger than the one they had just come from. People had space to move their limbs and walk about. Jaehyun spotted Yuta in the distance trying to shove something on a plate into Seulgi’s tiny purse and her pulling it out of his hands. She then whispered something in his ear and he smiled. Yuta proceeded to wrap what was on the plate in a napkin and shove it in his pockets, looking behind him to make sure no one saw what he was doing. Jaehyun followed Johnny through the crowd. It was natural to him now, staying behind others. It meant people were less likely to talk to him, therefore less likely to ask questions that lead to the one thing Jaehyun didn’t want to discuss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Check this out,” Johnny said, holding up a shot glass of dark liquid. Johnny spoke so comfortably, as if he and Jaehyun were long-time friends. It was familiar to Jaehyun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?” Jaehyun asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No clue,” Johnny said before throwing his head back and pouring the liquid into his mouth. “Tastes like soup, but… not quite.” Jaehyun was curious. He took a shot of non-soup for himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think there’s alcohol in this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Johnny laughed. Jaehyun wasn’t used to new people conversing so easily with him. Most people would ask questions in an effort to get to know him, but here was this guy he met just once before who was only discussing a suspicious drink with him. Unlike said drink, it was refreshing. “Excuse me, sir,” Johnny called out to a passing waiter. “What’s in those glasses?” he pointed to the rows of full glasses that still remained. The waiter responded with the name of something that Jaehyun couldn’t recognize or make out. Jaehyun looked around the room as Johnny learned about the mystery drink. Everyone was dressed like they had something to prove, having put together outfits that didn’t really match or necessarily look good to Jaehyun. People were crowded around the designers that had presented their collections, eager to spend their money on things they probably wouldn’t wear out in public, if ever. This world was foreign to Jaehyun, whose outfits on a regular basis consisted of jeans and a t-shirt. However, Taeyong would have loved this event, so Jaehyun tried to enjoy himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know why they would mix whiskey with gazpacho, even if it’s a little bit,” Johnny said, bringing Jaehyun’s attention back to him. “Maybe the tiny sandwiches are better,” he said while popping one into his mouth. He swallowed and smiled, nodding to confirm his statement. “Try one.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, are you here to take pictures?” Jaehyun said, picking up a sandwich that was barely half the size of his pinky. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep,” Johnny held up his camera, now putting the strap around his neck. “Nothing official really, the organizers of this event just asked me to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What counts as official?” Johnny chuckled at the question, confusing Jaehyun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t really know. I think when I feel fancy while doing it, like in my studio, or when it’s agency assigned. This thing is run by friends, so I’m more laid-back here.” The way Johnny explained it was interesting to Jaehyun. His response was direct, casual, not like he was striving to leave an impression or make himself appear a certain way. Come to think of it, he was quite like his brother in that way. “Hey,” Johnny started again. “I never asked, what do you do?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a vet. I run a clinic with Seulgi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet, I love animals. I wish we had a pet.” Jaehyun smiled politely. Johnny kept the conversation going, “Do you have a pet?” Jaehyun shook his head. “It gets lonely, doesn’t it?” Jaehyun looked down, his hair falling with the motion of his head. “Oh, sorry, I don’t even know if you live alone! I’m so used to it being just me and Mark.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I live alone. It does get lonely.” Jaehyun said quietly. Johnny either didn’t notice or pretended not to hear the sudden dryness in Jaehyun’s voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should get a fish. Heard they’re easy pets.” Jaehyun considered it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll look into that.” Jaehyun felt like he wasn’t contributing enough to this interaction. Most people would probably have made up an excuse to go talk to someone else by this point. At least, that’s what they usually did when Jaehyun failed to come up with conversation material. Jaehyun’s mind raced to ask anything before Johnny left him alone. They may not have been close, but the company was nicer than wandering around alone trying to find somewhere empty to stand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Irene looked great today.” It wasn’t a question, but it was something for them to discuss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Johnny said, dragging out the last word. “She’s good at that. Man you should’ve seen her in highschool, this girl got in a fight with her once out of jealousy.” Jaehyun scoffed. “It sounds ridiculous, I know, but listen,” Johnny continued. Hyunie- Irene was just sitting, eating her lunch with us, when this chick </span>
  <em>
    <span>grabs</span>
  </em>
  <span> her by the hair, lifts her out of her seat, and starts bitching about Irene trying to steal her boyfriend or something- which, for the record she didn’t. Anyway, fast forward, Irene fuckin’ decks her and continues eating her lunch like nothing happened. The girl complained to the teachers but they didn’t believe Irene would do that to anyone. And she didn’t- never before that and never again. But this kid was taunting her for three years and I think she had just had enough.” Jaehyun blinked and opened his eyes wide, trying to process the story. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… wow,” was all Jaehyun could say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I was so shocked I think I choked on whatever I was eating. I thought Ten would have to heimlich me or something.” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow and smiled, still in disbelief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you’ve all known each other since high school?” Jaehyun asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm. Me, Ten, Irene, and-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There you are!” Jaehyun looked to see Irene and Seulgi approach them, with Yuta following behind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Hyunie. I was just telling Jaehyun about when you punched that girl unconscious in eleventh grade.” Seulgi, who had her arm around Irene’s waist, pulled back and looked at her with her eyebrows raised. Irene smiled at Seulgi nervously,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She wasn’t unconscious! And I only did it because- I’ll tell you the full story later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excited to hear it,” Seulgi nodded once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you guys wanna go get something to eat? Like an actual meal?” Irene asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can’t, we have to get up early and open the clinic,” Jaehyun began.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon Jae, let’s join them. I can call Sarah to open tomorrow or something.” Jaehyun looked at the four expectant faces in front of him. He hated that his friends were so “spur of the moment,” and he hated that they had met others exactly like them. His plans to roll into bed and stare at the wall until he fell asleep would have to wait a few more hours. Seulgi recognized the look of compliance on Jaehyun’s face and her eyes lit up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Looks like it's a yes!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great!” Irene smiled. “I’ll go change and then we'll go.” As soon as she was gone, Jaehyun grabbed Seulgi by the arm and pulled her aside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s so late, Seul, it’ll be at least midnight before I get home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Relax,” she drew out the word and patted his shoulder. “Sarah owes me a bunch of shifts, and it’s not like you have any appointments tomorrow, anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you just have my schedule memorized?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty much,” she shrugged. “You and Johnny were hitting it off, I saw. At least you’ll have made a friend tonight. You’ll thank me later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sound like my mother!” Jaehyun snapped at her as she walked away. He hoped they’d go somewhere good to eat, the strange taste of that soup concoction was still lingering in his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Irene had brought them all to a dimly lit restaurant that Jaehyun had never heard of before. He could barely see his hands in front of him. The tables were lit only by two or three candles flickering in the middle. The five of them shuffled into the round booth the watier had brought them to, Jaehyun sitting between Seulgi and Yuta and diagonally across from Johnny, who was beside Irene. Yuta and Johnny were on the outsides, directly across from each other. It was a small booth, Jaehyun squeezed his legs together to try and give his friends more room. As the others chatted, the sound became white noise for Jaehyun. He somewhat regretted agreeing to come. His energy had run out fast, he should’ve been more persistent in wanting to go home. He stared straight at his menu but his eyes wouldn’t focus on anything. Jaehyun thought about saying he was going to the washroom and just driving home, then texting Seulgi an apology to pass on to the others, but looking up at the two new people who seemed to be becoming regulars in his life, he didn’t want one of their first memories of him to be ditching them at dinner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Caring about what others think is a curse,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jaehyun thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is everyone ready to order?” Jaehyun hadn’t seen the waitress approach. Everyone took turns saying what they wanted. Jaehyun finally focused his vision, rushing to pick something when the waitress looked at him. She smiled, waiting for him to speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll uh- I’ll have a burger with onion rings,” he decided to choose the item that rarely failed. Seulgi was the last one to order.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll have the lettuce wrapped chicken, please.” The waitress took all their menus and left. Yuta looked over Jaehyun to speak to Seulgi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell </span>
  </em>
  <span>is that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Seulgi said, pouting. “It’s really good, trust me.” Yuta squinted, suspicious of the validity of her statement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The food came fairly quickly, plates clinking against each other as the group tried to fit five meals and sides on the limited space of the table. Jaehyun absentmindedly picked up an onion ring and bit into it with a crunch. Apparently they were truly fresh-made like the restaurant claimed, because he cried out and fanned his mouth as he tried to chew as fast as possible. There was concern around the table, followed by giggles when Jaehyun explained it was just hotter than he had expected. Johnny lifted his glass to make a toast,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun, Seulgi, I wanna thank you guys for making my little brother so happy and comfortable at your clinic. He really loves being there. Please, let me treat you tonight.” Seulgi, perhaps out of habit, began refusing immediately. Jaehyun also shook his head,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s no problem, you don’t have to do anything.” Yuta elbowed Jaehyun in the side, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am very unemployed right now, if the man wants to pay, let him pay!” Seulgi reached over Jaehyun to slap Yuta’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yuta!” she scoffed. Johnny laughed. It seemed to be his reaction to everything, like nothing bothered him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just this once guys, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will wrestle you for the check once it gets here, how does that sound?” Seulgi laughed, except Jaehyun wasn’t sure if she was actually joking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Babe, let him buy tonight,” Irene gently touched Seulgi’s arm. Seulgi looked at her and Jaeyhun thought she could see the competitiveness in her eyes melt away in the candlelight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just this once,” Seulgi repeated Johnny’s previous statement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect.” Johnny smiled in contempt. The conversation died down as everyone ate, aside from small talk between bites. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what is it that you wanna do, Yuta?” Johnny put a piece of steak in his mouth. Yuta sighed dramatically, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m one of those lost causes. Didn’t know what I wanted to do in university, still don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re a lost cause. If you want a temporary thing, I’ve been looking for an assistant.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re offering me a job?” Yuta put his fork full of pasta down. “Without any prerequisites?” Johnny finished chewing and took a sip of his drink before he answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I was twenty, I was offered an assistant job by a local photographer. Now I’m here. You can only go up- become an agent, a photographer,” Johnny tilted his head and studied Yuta’s face. “Even a model.” Yuta choked on his pasta and Jaehyun slapped his back. Johnny continued talking,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway, it’s just a suggestion on my part. If you don’t like it, you can always quit.” Yuta looked at Johnny as if he thought the man would admit he was joking any second now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it and get back to you,” Yuta said carefully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny was persuasive, generous, and kind in a way that was apparent from the first moment you met him. Jaehyun tried to find a flaw in the man before him, but couldn’t no matter how hard he tried. Everyone had an ulterior motive, didn’t they? Perhaps he wasn’t everyone. Jaehyun’s thoughts were interrupted by Yuta, who excused himself to go to the washroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should go too, while he’s up,” Jaehyun said, sliding out of the booth. Yuta had already disappeared from view. Jaehyun was searching for a “washroom” sign in the dark when the waitress that had taken their orders slipped in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” she gave him a sweet smile that he didn’t quite notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, could you point me to the washroom?” The waitress frowned before moving closer to Jaehyun, who instinctively stepped back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In a second. Can I get your number?” Jaehyun was surprised. He looked at the girl properly for the first time. She was conventionally pretty, her long hair parted in the middle and straightened to lay flat. She stood still, looking eager for a response. Jaehyun turned his head back, hoping Seulgi or someone was looking at what was going on. Seulgi wasn’t, but Jaehyun noticed Johnny’s head whip back around when he saw him turn. Jaehyun looked back at the girl. He didn’t want to flat out reject her so he decided to tell a white lie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I have a boyfriend.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girl’s expression fell again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I see. The washroom is over there,” she pointed behind Jaehyun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he walked away before things had a chance to get any more awkward. When Jaehyun returned to their table, Yuta was already back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was up with that waitress?” Seulgi asked. So she </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>noticed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She wanted my number.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you give it to her?” Jaehyun looked at Seulgi as if she had asked something preposterous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t.” Jaehyun looked at Johnny, who had been quietly chewing the last of his food with his head down. The table fell silent for a second before Seulgi switched the subject. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can't believe you guys are all high school friends and all went into the same business!” Jaehyun assumed she was including Ten when she said “you guys.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We got lucky, I guess,” Irene smiled, looking at Johnny.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, I think I just gave you guys too much of an ego boost when I’d take pictures of you behind the school,” Johnny said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna ignore that,” Irene said flatly. “Ten almost didn’t choose modelling, he was gonna go to business school.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What changed?” Yuta asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We convinced him that wearing expensive clothes for a living would be more fun than sitting behind a desk and going over charts.” Johnny said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what his boyfriend does, though. But Kun’s a sweetheart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I met him the other day,” Jaehyun recalled the light-haired man with dimples so deep you could hold liquid in them. “I thought he was a model too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s like, stupid handsome, isn’t he. I joked that he should join our agency but honestly I’d sign him if he ever decided to take me up on that offer,” Johnny spoke enthusiastically about Kun’s looks. Johnny wasn’t necessarily interested in conventional beauty, but unique faces he could incorporate into his art.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stupid handsome,” Yuta laughed at Johnny’s choice of words. “I like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know about modelling or photography, but your agency sounds interesting,” Seulgi said. “How did you guys join?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a bit different than regular agencies…” Johnny paused to figure out how he wanted to explain. “We’re united by our want of independence, you could say. I actually founded it with some uni buddies. We employ photographers and models that might be having a hard time making it on their own and dispatch them to bigger projects for exposure and let them end their contract with us whenever they want. We want diversity in our models and photographers-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve become so good at promoting it,” Irene gently hit Johnny’s arm with the back of her hand. “It’s become so big since they started it, people are dying to work with anyone under the Square label.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Square…” Yuta thought. “Like that big-ass glass building downtown? With the white square on the window?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, we relocated there recently,” Johnny seemed to beam with pride, he must have worked hard to build his agency.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have a whole building?” Jaehyun asked, impressed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s only a two story place. Three, if you count the basement.” Johnny replied. Jaehyun thought about his little one-story clinic. He was intimidated about how they both had started independent projects after graduating, yet Johnny’s was already so successful. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-six. Jaehyun on the other hand, at twenty-four, had maybe a total of twenty regular patients at the clinic. They definitely weren’t the most popular vet clinic around, but Jaehyun found comfort in the fact that their patients were loyal and trusted them. As if he was reading Jaehyun’s mind, Johnny spoke,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun told me you two have your own clinic? That’s incredible. I mean, being doctors and running your own successful clinic at such a young age.” Jaehyun could have argued about the success of Jaesu, but he decided to take the compliment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A short while later, the group started getting up and preparing to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys, I’m so sorry to ask, but could one of you give me a ride home? I came with Joohyun but she lives on the opposite end of the city, and I don’t wanna make her drive that far so late,” Johnny had a pleading expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who lives the closest to Johnny?” Yuta asked. Jaehyun already knew the answer, it was him. He checked his watch and sighed internally. 11:42pm. He was right before, it’d be midnight by the time he got home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll give you a ride,” Jaehyun said, trying to avoid sounding exasperated.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny had to move the passenger seat in Jaehyun’s car back to fit his legs comfortably. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks so much for this, again.” Johnny said, shifting his legs around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t drive?” Jaehyun asked, backing out of where he was parked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do, but Hyunie offered to take me today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” was all Jaehyun said. He wasn’t angry or irritated, just incredibly tired. His mind wasn’t used to going out and being among people for so long. There was a time when he had fun at big gatherings and could make conversation with practically anyone, but things had changed. Neither of them spoke again for a while, but Jaehyun could see Johnny itching to say something out of the corner of his eye. The man was looking out the window, then out the windshield, then toying with the car’s glove box without actually opening it. It was completely different from driving Mark, who didn’t hesitate to talk. Jaehyun thought it was funny, how he’d had to drop both the brothers off at home within his second day of interacting with them. They stopped at a red light and Jaehyun picked up his aux cord to hand to Johnny.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can play something if you want. I’m always looking for new songs.” Johnny hesitated for a bit before taking the cord. A song started playing and Jaehyun recognized it immediately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When it snows?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know this song? I haven’t met anyone that likes 1415.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love this song.” Jaehyun stared straight ahead as he drove, both of them taking in the melody. It was possibly the perfect song for the moment, Jaehyun had to give that to Johnny. The lyrics carried into the night, leaving a blanket of calmness over everything. Johnny looked out his window at how still the city lights were. Jaehyun wondered what the odds were of this man sharing one of his favourite songs. They were approaching Johnny’s house by the time the song ended, so he unplugged his phone. They were still quiet when Jaehyun parked. Jaehyun wondered why Johnny was barely talking when he had been so friendly earlier that day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was nice running into you today,” Johnny said. Jaehyun gave him yet another polite smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Johnny got out of the car, thanking Jaehyun for the ride again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I forgot to give Yuta my number, do you mind giving it to him?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, sure,” Jaehyun opened his phone to the notes app and passed it to Johnny. When he handed it back, it was on the contacts page, Johnny having added himself in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could use it too, if you want,” Johnny said before closing the door and waving goodbye. Jaehyun stared down at his phone, the screen too bright. He clicked it off and drove away, trying to discern if what he had just thought happened had happened. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Laying in bed, he stared at his screen that read “Johnny.” Was the man interested in him? Or was it a gesture of friendship? He put his phone face down beside him, a million thoughts rushing through his brain. Sure, Johnny was attractive and nice, but Jaehyun wasn’t ready. His every moment was stained with memories and thoughts of Taeyong. Every time he woke up to an empty space on the other side of the bed he thought of Taeyong. When he tried to watch something on tv and there was no one lying in his lap, when he made too much coffee and there was no one to help him finish it, or when there wasn’t anyone who’d help him decide which jacket to wear that day, he thought of Taeyong. The pain was still fresh in his mind, after all it had barely been over half a year. Jaehyun assumed he was overthinking. Johnny was a friendly guy, that was probably the extent of it. Jaehyun thought he was ready to welcome a new friend. A lot of his old ones may not be too fond of him anymore, considering he hadn’t really contacted anyone since the accident. He forwarded Johnny’s contact to Yuta and shut his eyes. He was asleep before he could think about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thursday and Friday flew by, and Jaehyun was getting worried about Mrs. Khan. It was almost closing time and he still hadn’t heard from her. He must’ve asked all his colleagues if they had heard from her, even Mark, who helpfully replied “Who?” If they didn’t make arrangements soon, poor Jamun would have even less time to live. Jaehyun’s worries got the best of him so he decided to call her. Most of the time he only called for emergencies or to remind people of appointments, but he cared for this dog too much. The phone rang into Jaehyun’s ear, the sound becoming more irritating with every repetition. Just when he thought no one was going to pick up, he heard Mrs. Khan’s voice on the other end.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Mrs. Khan! It’s Jaehyun.”</p><p>“Oh hello, dear.”</p><p>“I was wondering if you had decided on how you want to proceed with Jamun’s situation?” There was silence on the other end of the line. “I don’t know if you got my emails-” he continued.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jaehyun, I haven’t had a chance to reply.” She paused like she was going to say something else. Jaehyun heard her gulp. “My husband passed away recently.”</p><p>“Oh…” Jaehyun said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. K.”</p><p>“Yes…” She trailed off, but Jaehyun didn’t try to fill the silence. He knew how she felt. “It was sudden. A heart attack. The kids had flown in to see him for the last time.” Jaehyun could hear her choking up. “They left yesterday, though. It’s just me and Jamun now.” Seulgi knocked on Jaehyun’s desk and mouthed “I’m leaving.” He nodded and waved her away. Mrs. Khan continued on the phone,</p><p>“I don’t know what to do, Jaehyun. It’s like I’ve lost everything. I suppose I didn’t call about Jamun because I don’t want to lose her as well.”</p><p>“You don’t have to lose her, we can help with that.”</p><p>“It will only delay what’s coming, you told me yourself.” It sounded like she was crying, but Jaehyun wasn’t sure. “I asked my kids to stay a while more but they’re all so busy. I had to let them go. It’s so lonely here.” Jaehyun heard a jingling that he recognized as the little bell on Jamun’s collar. “Good girl,” Mrs. Khan whispered. Everyone else had left the clinic now. It felt too quiet inside, aside from Mrs. Khan’s voice on the phone. Despite the clear heartbreak in her voice, it was just as warm as usual. Jaehyun thought Mrs. Khan was the last person who should have to go through something like this. After a while of silence, she took a deep breath and spoke again. “I lost my colour vision, Jaehyun.” He inhaled sharply. He was too well acquainted with this topic. “Before the doctor came out to give us the news, I knew. I watched the coloured fade right before my eyes… it was like…” she started sniffling again. “It was a headache. I felt a headache come on and I thought it was just stress, but then everything got duller and duller until it was black and white again. For the first time in… almost forty years.” Jaehyun hadn’t experienced this, he was unconscious when it would've happened. “That’s when I knew,” she continued. “But I didn’t tell the kids. The doctor came out minutes later, anyway,” she took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was small, like a lost child’s.</p><p>“Mrs. Khan, if I could give you my perspective?” Jaehyun asked. She answered almost before he had finished the question,</p><p>“Please.” </p><p>Jaehyun had to think before speaking. He had never had to give advice because he had never met someone who had been through the same thing. </p><p>“When Taeyong… When I woke up from the accident, I knew what had happened. I never asked the doctors about him because I didn’t want to hear anyone confirm it. But there was no denying it, I mean the proof was right there in everything I looked at. All I did for weeks was sleep so that I didn’t have to see anything. Losing my colour was… it felt like the end of my life. It felt like <em> I </em> died. And I wanted to. But I think I was too stubborn for that to happen. I went back to work a month after leaving the hospital, and that’s all I did. Clinic, home, clinic, home. Didn’t talk to anyone that wasn’t a patient’s owner, aside from Seulgi and two other friends, and <em> barely </em> at that,” Jaehyun paused. He probably wasn’t making her feel any better. “But recently,” he picked up again, “I have forced myself to do the things I had abandoned, or had friends force me if I couldn’t find the energy. Grieving is fine, and you deserve to take as much time as you need, but eventually let yourself feel like you’re living again. Talk to people, talk to your other loved ones. Talk to me, if you want. Losing your soulmate is not something you can bounce back from, but if you feel broken, you can build yourself back up again.” At this point, Jaehyun was saying all the things he wished someone had told him. “Mrs. K, you’re one of the best people I know. As cruel as life can be, I know you can tell it to fuck right off. Pardon my language.” He heard a soft chuckle. </p><p>“Thank you, Jaehyun. It’s nice to hear from someone who knows what it’s like. I’m happy you’re putting yourself out there again. I admire you. You’ve been so good to me and my Jamun these past years.” There was a brief pause. “Oh my, I’ve kept you well past closing time, haven’t I?”</p><p>“Not a problem.”</p><p>“I’ll let you go now, dear. Thank you for speaking with me, you don’t know how much it helped. Can we book an appointment for Monday before you leave?” </p><p>“Of course!” Jaehyun rushed to grab a paper and pen. He jotted down the time she had given him. He wasn’t sure if anyone was booked for then, but he didn’t care, he’d reschedule them if he had to. “See you on Monday, Mrs. Khan.” Jaehyun put the phone down and took a deep breath. He exhaled slowly through his nose, closing his eyes. Talking to Mrs. Khan had taken a load off his shoulders. Jaehyun realised that he hadn’t spoken to anyone about his feelings in depth. No matter how many times his friends had offered to listen, he couldn’t bring himself to say more than a few words before falling silent again. Mrs. Khan was right, it was nice to talk to someone who knew what it was like. </p><p>Jaehyun closed up the clinic and leaned against the door. The wind had begun to howl, he let it paint invisible streaks across his face. For a moment it felt like he could truly breathe again. He was broken, but with time he could build himself back up again.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun got home and plopped down on the couch. He was still feeling the relief and confidence he had gained from talking to Mrs. Khan, and he wanted to make the most of it before his tiredness and lack of motivation returned. He looked around him. He could have cleaned up a bit or spent some time cooking, but it didn’t seem right. He thought about calling his friends, but Seulgi had mentioned meeting up with Irene and Doyoung probably hadn’t left work yet. Jaehyun called Yuta, who didn’t pick up. Jaehyun assumed it was because he was napping, or perhaps he had taken Johnny up on his offer. </p><p>Johnny. </p><p>Jaehyun remembered that he had a new number in his phone. He didn’t know what Johnny’s work hours were or if he even <em> had </em> set hours, but it couldn’t hurt to text him, right? The process seemed excruciating all of a sudden. Jaehyun pressed the “new message” button and typed in “Johnny.” The contact name came up blue. Jaehyun stared at the screen, wondering how to start a message. </p><p><em> “It shouldn’t be this hard,” </em>he thought. After what felt like ten minutes, he sent a message that read “Hey, it’s Jaehyun.” He put his phone face up on his coffee table and stared at it. It could be hours before Johnny replied, perhaps he wouldn’t even see it today-</p><p>Jaehyun’s screen lit up. He practically jumped to open the notification. Johnny had responded. Jaehyun didn’t know why his heart raced so fast at seeing the little green icon on his home screen.</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: Hey! Glad you texted haha</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Jaehyun: are u busy? sorry if that’s the case</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: Nah it’s been a slow day</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: What are you up to?</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Jaehyun: just got home from work</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: Any plans for the rest of the day</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Jaehyun: not rly. how abt u</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: I might go to the park and take pics</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: You should come</em> </b>
</p><p>Jaehyun looked outside. Trees were swaying in the wind. It wasn’t as noisy as it was a few minutes ago, but still strong.</p><p>
  <b> <em>Jaehyun: it’s kinda cold out</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: Bring a jacket :)</em> </b>
</p><p>Jaehyun scoffed. Even through text, he was persistent. Jaehyun was about to deny the offer, but he realized how long it had been since he had last been to a park. It must have been a week or two before the accident. He and Taeyong used to go often. Jaehyun loved to stroll and people-watch, and Taeyong loved to climb play structures when kids weren’t on them. Jaehyun still had pictures of him hanging by the backs of his knees from low metal bars. His head almost touched the sand under him. </p><p>
  <b> <em>Jaehyun: which park?</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: There’s one abt 10 mins from my house. I’ll send you it once sec</em> </b>
</p><p>The park was one Jaehyun knew well, in fact, it was about a ten minute walk from his place as well- rright in the middle between their houses. </p><p>
  <b> <em>Jaehyun: i know that place lol. can we meet in 20 mins?</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Johnny: Perfect :)</em> </b>
</p><p>Jaehyun stared at the little emoticon before clicking his phone off. He got up to change into something more comfortable than the collared shirt and trousers he had worn to the clinic. He put on a white long-sleeved cotton shirt and corduroy jacket over it, as well as his go-to pair of jeans. Jaehyun stared at himself in the mirror. The jacket had once been a tan colour to him. It still felt like sometimes he would blink and everything would return to how he used to see it. He could picture colour so well, especially in his belongings and things he saw regularly, but it just wasn’t reality for him anymore. </p><p> </p><p>When Jaehyun got to the park it was fairly empty. It made sense that people didn’t want to bring their kids in the cold weather. Some teenagers were by the water, sticking their feet in and taking them out just as quickly. Jaehyun loved that this place was right beside a lake. There was a lot of space to walk or bike around, too. In the summer, people would go swimming or kayaking, and in the winter it would freeze over and become a vast white plane of nothing. It wasn’t strong enough to skate on, but nice to admire. Taeyong used to walk out as far as he could on the ice and come running back as soon as he heard anything that sounded like a crack. One time he ran so fast he slipped and came crashing into Jaehyun, driving them both into a pile of snow that was fortunately behind him. Jaehyun and Taeyong had laughed while pain and cold took over their bodies. Jaehyun remembered kissing Taeyong to bring them a little warmth as snow entered through every gap in their clothes. They had ended up lying there for a few minutes, just looking at each other and joking about how they didn’t think they could stand up after that fall. “At least we’re icing any wounds,” Jaehyun had joked. Jaehyun looked at the spot where that had happened fondly. It was currently sand that was damp from the recent rain. Soon it would be covered in snow again. Jaehyun snapped himself out of reminiscing, he didn’t want to get to the point where it was painful for him. He looked around to see if Johnny had arrived, almost missing him. The man was lying on the ground under a tree, pointing his camera up at the sky. Jaehyun squatted to feel a patch of grass by him, wondering if it was damp and Johnny just didn’t care. It was fairly dry, considering that it rained a little bit almost every night. Jaehyun was rarely awake for it, but he loved rainfall. He loved the smell it left behind and the dewdrops that sat on grass and flowers afterward. He didn’t love the worms that came out with it sometimes, but he appreciated that they were just trying to have a good time. He walked up to Johnny, who moved the camera out of his face when he saw Jaehyun.</p><p>“Hi!” he said, getting up and trying to dust grass off of his back. </p><p>“Hi,” Jaehyun said back. </p><p>“You know, I’m much better at photographing people, but nature is so beautiful. Jaehyun looked up at the grey sky.</p><p>“Yeah, it is.” He noticed again how Johnny had no trouble starting a conversation. It didn’t even feel like a start, rather like they had already been talking beforehand. Jaehyun was jealous of this quality- just minutes ago he had been panicking over how to word a text.</p><p>“Do you shoot in black and white?” Jaehyun asked. Johnny grinned,</p><p>“For the time being. Lot cheaper than colour film, too.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Jaehyun shook his head. “Stupid question.”</p><p>“Not at all! I know lots of photographers without colour vision who use colour film. They wanna see how it turns out when they actually get it, assuming they do.” Jaehyun nodded to say he understood. </p><p>“Can I see what you just took?” Jaehyun asked, looking at the camera in Johnny’s hands. He noticed it wasn’t the same as the one he had at the fashion show, it was smaller and there was no attached lens. Johnny handed Jaehyun the camera, set to the last picture he had taken. It was of the sky with tree branches in the way. Jaehyun looked at the tree they were by to compare it to the picture. A lot of the leaves had fallen off, and the ones that were still there hung on for dear life. In Johnny’s photo, dark clouds were peaking through the branches, almost looking like they were intertwined. </p><p>“It’s great,” Jaehyun said, handing the camera back. Johnny smiled and looked down for a second, perhaps thinking. </p><p>“Let’s walk,” he said, motioning to the water. </p><p>The two walked along the side of the lake on the sand, watching the waves tiptoe onto the shore before being pulled back in. They seemed tired, not strong and determined like they were in summer. If it wasn’t so windy, maybe the water would be still today. The sand wasn’t wild and messy anymore, it was cold and became packed under footsteps. Johnny picked some up and clumped it together in one hand before dropping it again. Jaehyun watched him pick up stray pebbles and throw them into the lake. </p><p>“Do you come here a lot?” Jaehyun asked.</p><p>“All the time. I love it. Especially when there aren’t too many people. Just a nice place to relax, you know.” Johnny picked up another pebble and threw it. It landed with a faint “plop.” Jaehyun nodded in response, looking out at the water. The lake wasn’t that big, in fact Jaehyun had circled the whole thing on a kayak before, but from this spot it looked practically endless. You couldn’t see what was on the other side, it looked like it could be the edge of the world. </p><p>“I haven’t come here in a while,” Jaehyun said, kicking the sand with the toe of his shoe.</p><p>“Busy at work?” Johnny asked. The answer was no, but Jaehyun just shrugged. He searched for other things to talk about. He didn’t mind the silence, but he was afraid Johnny might. </p><p>“Did Yuta contact you yet?”</p><p>“He did, actually. Yesterday. He accepted.”</p><p>“Good, good,” Jaehyun hummed. “He’s been kinda down about not having a job lately. He just… naps a lot. Visits me sometimes.” Jaehyun chuckled at a memory, “One time I came home after work and he was on my couch watching tv. I don’t remember if I ever gave him a key, but at this point I’m too afraid to ask.” Johnny looked amused.</p><p>“Weren’t you scared?” he asked.</p><p>“I almost threw my shoe at him,” Jaehyun admitted. Johnny laughed, throwing his head back. Jaehyun looked behind him, realizing how far they had walked from where they started. He hadn’t come to this side of the park much before. </p><p>“Shit,” Johnny said. Jaehyun was about to ask what happened until a drop of water hit his nose. The rainfall started to increase and the dark spots on his jacket grew bigger. Johnny’s denim jacket didn’t have a hood either, but he was more concerned about keeping his camera safe than getting his hair wet. </p><p>“It’s about three minutes to my house from here if we run.” Johnny said. Before Jaehyun knew it, Johnny took off. Jaehyun followed, calling for him to “wait up!” After a minute or two, Jaehyun began to stroll. He wasn’t too tired from running, but he wanted to enjoy the rain. If it kept in pattern with the last few times, it would start pouring soon. It was easier to appreciate it before it absolutely drenched you. Johnny on the other hand was still hopping away and had pulled his jacket up to cover his head. Jaehyun recognized the area now from when he had dropped Mark off. He turned a corner and saw Johnny rush up the stairs leading to his loft, speeding up his steps when he realized Johnny was waiting for him instead of going inside. </p><p>Once they got in, Johnny shook the water out of his hair, spraying it everywhere.</p><p>“You don’t like the rain?” Jaehyun asked. </p><p>“I like looking at it… from inside.” Jaehyun smiled. Doyoung was like that, too. One time Taeyong had tried to pull him outside when it was pouring and he had held on to the doorframe like his life depended on it. Eventually he got him outside, but Doyoung had just stood there like a “wet and grumpy bunny,” as Taeyong had described it. </p><p>Jaehyun heard a clang from further inside the house and looked at Johnny, who widened his eyes.</p><p>“Mark’s friends are here, it’s fine. I just hope it’s not a repeat of last time…” he trailed off as he went to check on whatever the boys were doing. This was the second time Jaehyun was hearing of “last time.” It must have been somewhat traumatic for everyone involved. Jaehyun heard yelling from inside.</p><p>“Give me the fucking bowl!”</p><p>“I <em> said </em>I can handle it!”</p><p>“That’s not how you cut fucking fruit salad- hi, Johnny.” Jaehyun didn’t recognize the voice that had greeted Johnny. He followed where Johnny had gone to see Mark, Jaemin, and another boy. Jaemin was wearing an apron and rubber gloves, but Mark and the other boy were not.</p><p>“We were trying to make snacks,” Jaemin grinned. Jaehyun looked around the kitchen. He hadn’t been in it the night of the party. It wasn’t much bigger than his, despite the loft being huge compared to his apartment. There was a marble-top island in the middle where the boys had spread out their ingredients. Jaehyun saw spilled flour, fruit peels, a container of yogurt, a cinnamon shaker, and a half empty can of tuna. He did not want to find out if the boys had combined them all. </p><p>“Why did you take these all out?” Johnny asked, picking up the can of tuna.</p><p>“We couldn’t decide what to make at first,” Mark shrugged.</p><p>“Renjun got hungry halfway through and ate the tuna,” Jaemin added. </p><p><em> “So the other boy is Renjun,” </em>Jaehyun thought. Looking at the mess the boys were in, Jaehyun thought about when he himself was sixteen. He thought he was fairly mature at that age, but he must have looked exactly like this to others. It wasn’t a bad thing though, it was kind of cute. Mark had a spot of flour on his nose and Jaemins apron was covered in little splotches, probably- and hopefully- from fruit juice. The Renjun boy’s hair was a mess, maybe he had run his hands through it too many times. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Johnny, we’ll clean it up.”</p><p>“I know you will, Renjun. Just let us have some of that fruit salad when you’re done.” Renjun smiled, bearing a little snaggletooth. “Oh!” Johnny said like he had just remembered something. “Renjun, Jaemin, this is Jaehyun.” Jaehyun gave the kids an awkward wave.</p><p>“We’ve met,” Jaemin smiled. The kid was <em> always </em>smiling. “At his vet clinic. Mark took me a few days ago ‘cause he didn’t wanna leave me alone here.”</p><p>“Good.” Johnny had said the word a little too fast. “Right, so… you guys continue. Be safe,” Johnny said while motioning for Jaehyun to follow him. Jaehyun said a quick “bye” to the boys and hurried behind Johnny. The two sat in the living room, Johnny spread out on a loveseat and Jaehyun on an armchair. </p><p>“They’re nice kids.” Johnny looked from the ceiling which he was staring at to Jaehyun. </p><p>“They are,” he replied. “They’re all like little brothers to me, I mean they basically grew up with Mark.” Johnny chuckled at something he had thought of. “When they were in fifth grade, I think, Renjun beat up this kid for being an ass to Mark. I don’t condone violence, but that’s my little brother, y’know?”</p><p>“All the people you know seem to have beat someone up,” Jaehyun joked. Johnny looked like he was actually calculating if that was true. </p><p>“Not <em> everyone </em>.”</p><p>“Why were they bullying Mark?” Jaehyun couldn’t imagine anyone would want to be rude to such a sweet person.</p><p>“For being adopted.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Yeah, our parents adopted him when he was a baby. I was ecstatic to have a little brother, still am.” Johnny smiled, looking in the direction of the kitchen. Now that Jaehyun thought about it, they didn’t look that similar, but he hadn’t paid any attention to that at first. “Do you have siblings?” Johnny asked. Jaehyun shook his head. </p><p>“I was pretty lonely until I met… Yuta.” Jaehyun didn’t think he was ready to tell Johnny about Taeyong just yet. “Met him sophomore year of high school and he’s been my best friend since. I met Seulgi and Doyoung in university, and we kinda… clicked. The five of us got along really well.”</p><p>“Five?” Johnny raised his brows.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. There was-” Jaehyun was cut off by a Renjun who entered holding two whiskey glasses full of fruit and yogurt with a spoon stuck in each. Jaehyun breathed a quiet sigh of relief. </p><p>“Why did you use my good glasses?” Johnny asked as Renjun handed him one. </p><p>“We’ll wash them,” Renjun said casually, but that didn’t seem to be what Johnny wanted to hear. “Bone appetit,” Renjun said, pronouncing it wrong. He put extra stress on the “t” at the end.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jaehyun flashed the kid a smile. Renjun left and Jaehyun tried a spoon full of what he had just been served. It tasted like nothing more than fruit and vanilla yogurt, which frankly relieved Jaehyun after seeing the disturbing selection of ingredients that had been on the counter. They ate in silence, the sound of the rain outside only seeming to grow louder every second. </p><p>“How am I gonna get home?” Jaehyun said quietly.</p><p>“I’ll drive you! Return the favour,” Johnny sat up straight. Jaehyun thanked him. As much as he liked the rain, he couldn’t walk in it for twenty minutes expecting to not catch a cold at the least. </p><p>The boys had to run to Johnny’s car and still ended up half-soaked by the time they got in. Johnny spoke while driving,</p><p>“Too bad we couldn’t do more today.”</p><p>“It’s fine. I haven’t really been out in so long.</p><p>“Dude, what are you talking about, I’ve seen you like three times in a week.” Jaehyun hadn’t realized, but Johnny was right. He made a note to thank Seulgi for dragging him along that first time, or he might still be holed up in his apartment right now. </p><p>“I think this is the most I’ve been out in months, then,” Jaehyun altered his statement. </p><p>“I totally get that, no place like home.” </p><p>“I guess you could say that.” Jaehyun chewed on his bottom lip. The drive was short. Jaehyun directed Johnny to the proper place to drop him off. </p><p>“These apartments are nice,” Johnny said, leaning back to see further out his window. It was fairly dark now and the rain was still relentless. Jaehyun straightened his back in his seat, not unbuckling yet. “You know I can drop you off in the garage, if you have one. So you don't get wet.” Johnny looked at the damp spots on Jaehyun’s jacket and pants. “Any more,” he finished. </p><p>“It’s ok, it’s a whole other journey just to get in and out of there. Thank you, though.” </p><p>Johnny pursed his lips and nodded. </p><p>“You don’t have to get out right now, if you don’t want to,” Johnny said. His voice was soft. Jaehyun didn’t hear anything different in his tone.</p><p>“I think I’ll be fine if I make a run for it,” he said, obliviously. He said goodbye and positioned himself to run as soon as he opened the door. Johnny watched as he sped through the rain, practically ripping open the door to his apartment lobby and laughed at the site, leaning back into his seat. The rain danced on the roof of his car, violent and unwilling to calm down. </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun took off his shoes before he entered his apartment so he wouldn't get mud all over the floor. He placed them on a little mat beside his coat closet before heading directly to the bathroom to get out of the damp clothes. It was raining even more than it had during the storm last week, but that was mostly wind anyway. Soon the rain would turn into snow. </p><p>Jaehyun stripped down to his underwear and threw his clothes in the laundry basket. He stared at himself in the mirror, wondering if he really needed to shower. Who would know if he didn’t? He sighed and stepped into the bathtub and drew the shower curtain. If he had the energy to go out today, he could probably stand to shower. Jaehyun closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall as hot water ran down his body. It felt like all his muscles were coming undone. All his tension melted under the water and was washed away down the drain. It felt like a long day, but it had turned out to be a good one. </p><p>By the time Jaehyun had dried himself and gotten into his pajamas, it was almost eight. He blinked in confusion at the clock on his bedside, wondering where the time had gone. Jaehyun hung the towel he was drying his hair with around his neck and headed to the living room. Perhaps he’d watch something until it was time to go to bed. Jaehyun dropped down on the couch, reaching to pick up the remote until he saw Taeyong’s picture out of the corner of his eye. He leaned over and picked up the frame, which was on a little table beside the couch. Jaehyun set the frame beside him and brought his knees to his chest, hugging them. He turned as if he was facing someone next to him.</p><p>“I think I made a friend today.” The picture smiled at him. “You’d like him. He’s Mark’s brother, remember Mark? His name is Johnny. Nice guy.” Jaehyun fell silent for a bit, listening to himself breathe. “He invited me to the park today, the one by the lake. Remember when you sent us both flying into the snow?” Jaehyun smiled, looking down. “I wanted to introduce him to you, but I don’t know… it doesn’t feel right yet? Honestly, Yongie I’m a little nervous. Not because of you. Because of me. I’ve become so bland lately, I’m doubting how long my new relationships will last. “Johnny, Irene, Mark… they’re all great but what if they get tired of me? I wouldn’t blame them, but that’s why I’m trying to get back on my feet. God, you had me so energetic, I don’t know how you did it.” He stared at the photo, half-expecting an answer. “You’d probably tell me to get my shit together, and you’d be right. I’m just feeling insecure.” </p><p>Jaehyun swore he could almost feel Taeyong. If he closed his eyes, he could sense the warmth of his breath, even the gentle touch of his fingertips on his skin. </p><p>“I’ll be fine. Because I don’t need you worrying about me. So… you’re welcome,” he joked to the picture. Jaehyun looked around him, even though he knew no one was watching. “I don’t know if you remember Mrs. Khan, she’s a patient’s owner. She lost her husband recently. She talked to me about him today and I talked to her about you. I hadn’t really done that before, not in a way that felt so relieving. I mean, you’re the only person I would wanna talk to about something like this anyway,” Jaehyun let out a deep exhale through his nose, feeling his lungs empty out. There was a lot more he could say to Taeyong, but it didn’t feel the same. It helped him sometimes, but he wished, just once, for a reply. He put the picture back where it was, steadying the frame. Jaehyun didn’t want to cry this time as he looked at the photograph. He wouldn’t let himself even if he wanted to, because he knew Taeyong would hate that. Taeyong would tell him that he could have more good days like this one if he just tried, and if that had to be Jaehyun’s motivation, so be it.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Monday morning was cold. Jaehyun blinked a few times to try and get rid of the sleepiness in his eyes, but no such luck. He rolled around in bed, wrapping his blanket around him until he was cocooned in warmth. He would have let himself stay in bed if it weren’t for Jamun’s appointment today. Besides, he had been in bed most of the weekend anyway. The weather hadn’t been nice enough to visit his friends so they had called a couple times, but other than that, Jaehyun had sat in bed digging himself into a YouTube hole of candy-making videos. He had even searched his cupboards to try and follow a recipe, but he didn’t have the proper ingredients. He had melted some sugar and put juice in it at the advice of Doyoung, but it hadn’t done anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Jaehyun got to the clinic, the door wasn’t open as usual. That meant Seulgi hadn’t arrived yet. The only other time that had happened without notice was… never. Considering this wasn’t a common occurrence, Jaehyun’s mind automatically went to the worst. Had she gotten into an accident? Had she been kidnapped? No, not likely. Perhaps she was saving a baby from a burning building. Jaehyun was about to call Seulgi when she came crashing through the door. Jaehyun simply stared at her while she panted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” Seulgi looked up at him, holding her breath to calm down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s up,” she said, casually.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I just hate being late for work.” Jaehyun looked at the clock behind the receptionist’s desk. It had barely been six minutes from when Seulgi regularly arrived, and their appointments didn’t start this early anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you’re fine, Seul, no one’s here yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still,” she said, taking her jacket off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. “What kept you?” Seulgi clicked her tongue,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I might have spent the night at Joohyun’s.” Jaehyun smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Seulgi asked, not quite making eye contact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Jaehyun walked off, leaving Seulgi with a confused look on her face. He had a few hours until Mrs. Khan came in, and only one other appointment was expected after that. Jaehyun was so happy to finally have an appointment for Jamun, he couldn’t sit still. He had already prepared a file of options, complete with a pros and cons list for each, for Mrs. Khan to look through, even though he could have saved time and effort by just telling them to her. However, Jamun was special to him, and he would go the whole distance and then some for her. He spent some time playing the solitaire game that had been on his laptop since the thing was installed and saw that only forty minutes had passed. Days might have been busier if they were a bigger clinic. Jaehyun used to wonder why Seulgi was so heart set on opening her own rather than finding a job at an already established clinic, but he had soon learned that there was a special kind of pride in running your own place. Besides, the less sick animals the better, right? Jaehyun suddenly heard a non-human screech coming from an exam room. He rushed out to see what was going on so early in the morning. He knocked on the door and Seulgi calmly opened it to let him in. Jaehyun saw a scratch on her arm that looked like it would start bleeding any second. The animal either had to be very scared or very angry to manage to get a scratch like that past her vet coat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s terribly scared. Couldn’t even get him out of his arms for an exam,” Seulgi said in a low voice. Jaehyuned peeked over her shoulder to see a tiny cat trying to climb into the arms on a young boy who kept attempting to lower it back onto the exam table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaemin?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Dr. J,” Jaemin smiled. His smile was softer than usual and faded quickly as the cat nudged its head against him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you have school today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but I found this little guy as I was walking there,” he picked the cat up and held it close to him. “And I wasn’t just gonna let him sit there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaemin says he found him sleeping surrounded by puddles-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I didn’t want him to drown!” Jaemin cut Seulgi off. “He was shaking and covered in mud,” he looked down at the creature with sympathetic eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I doubt he would have drowned in a puddle,” Jaehyun said, slowly approaching the animal. It buried itself into Jaemin’s sweater, staining what was a light shade with dirt and mud. Jaemin didn’t seem to be concerned. “Who knows what this poor guy has been through, it doesn’t wanna let go of you. At least it likes you, but you’re gonna need to help us then.” Jaemin nodded. “Did he screech when you picked him up, Seulgi?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, that was me, Dr. J. I got scared when he scratched Dr. K.” Jaehyun had to hold back a laugh. The screech had been so high pitched, Jaehyun hadn’t thought it was a person. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Try warming your hands a bit, Seul. This could take a while. Do you want me to take over any appointments today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you if it’s necessary.” Seulgi rubbed her hands together in an effort to make them more welcoming for the cat, but her rubber gloves just squeaked against each other. The three spent the next while examining the cat, Jaemin having to hold it while Jaehyun and Seulgi tried to perform all necessary tests. The next time Jaehyun looked at the clock, it was one minute past ten. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shit,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. “I have an appointment, are you good here?” he asked Seulgi. She nodded and he was off. Mrs. Khan was already in the waiting area with Jamun, who leapt at Jaehyun. He greeted her with scratches behind the ears and led them both to an exam room. Jaehyun showed Mrs. Khan the extensive file she had prepared and watched as she looked through it with a grim expression. Meanwhile, Jamun was awfully quiet. She had greeted Jaehyun the same way as usual, but she was generally playful and buzzing for the duration of exams. It could have just been fatigue, but something wasn’t sitting right with Jaehyun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mrs. Khan, I know we’re not scheduled for a full checkup today, but do you mind if I take another look at Jamun?” Mrs. Khan looked at her dog, then Jaehyun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?” Jaehyun could see the concern seeping out of her eyes. He didn’t want to concern her if there was nothing wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want to make sure my reports are up to date, it’s been a bit since I last saw her.” Mrs. Khan just nodded. The room, including Jamun, was silent for the duration of the checkup. Jaehyun felt his throat dry up as he turned to Mrs. Khan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It appears Jamun’s melanoma is malignant. I’ll have to conduct a few more tests in addition to the ones from last time, but-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What does that entail for her?” Mrs. Khan’s voice was raspy and Jaehyun could practically feel the lump she must have had in her throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“With surgery alone, she may survive four to six months. With options like radiation therapy, we can extend that time. The sooner treated, the better.” It seemed to be with this sentence that whatever was holding Mrs. Khan together snapped. Tears fell from her eyes like the rain on Friday night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s my fault,” she choked out. “If I had brought her in sooner, she would have lived longer. It’s my fault.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mrs. Khan, don’t say that. This isn’t on you. You needed time for yourself, and that’s okay. Whatever Jamun is facing, it’s not your fault.” The woman covered her face with her hands. Jaehyun had never seen her like this- she had always held herself with such confidence and grace. Here she was, proving that she was simply human. Jamun, seeing her owner crying, began to whine. Mrs. Khan hugged Jamun and stroked her, both of them seeming to calm down a bit. Jaehyun only had so much power, but in that moment he wanted to do whatever he could to help this family stay together as long as possible. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mark struggled to carry an enraged hamster through the waiting room. The creature was wreaking havoc in its box and Mark had his arms extended far from him as if it could burst out and hit him like a bullet at any moment. He came back a few seconds later, empty handed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dr. Jung, I don’t think that thing needs a doctor, it might just be evil.” Jaehyun smiled at the comment. “By the way, Jaemin was wondering how that cat is doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell him it’ll be fine. We’ve been taking good care of him, he’s warmed up to us a bit more. I think Jaemin is still his favourite, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good, since he’s planning to adopt it.” Hearing that brought joy to Jaehyun’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful! He deserves a good home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaemin’s real nice, but he has this tendency to be a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>loving. Hopefully he doesn’t hug it too hard or something.” Jaehyun smiled at the joke but grew a little concerned at the serious look on Mark’s face. Seulgi approached them and tapped Mark on the shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Riya needs some help in the back, do you mind?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, Dr. Kang.” Seulgi turned to Jaehyun once Mark had left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joohyun invited us to game night at Johnny’s on Saturday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Us?” Jaehyun asked, pointing to himself, then Seulgi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And Doie and Yuta. I think it’ll be fun, what do you say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You guys do </span>
  <em>
    <span>things </span>
  </em>
  <span>so often, don’t you get tired?” Seulgi sighed,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t called you anywhere since last week!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been out though.” This was news to Seulgi. Suddenly all her attention was on Jaehyun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where?” she asked. Jaehyun realized that he hadn’t told her anything about his meetings with Johnny until now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“With Johnny. We’re best friends now, since you’re always with Irene,” Jaehyun jokingly crossed his arms and flicked his head away from Seulgi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s great! I’m happy for you,” Seulgi beamed. Jaehyun uncrossed his arms,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Relax, it’s not like I won the lottery.” Seulgi raised an eyebrow and smirked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So taking that as a yes for Saturday?” Jaehyun thought about it. He didn’t have that usual feeling inside him that begged him to stay home and roll around in bed for hours on end.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he confirmed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doorbell rang and Jaehyun waited, holding his jacket closed for warmth. It was getting colder each day. The door was opened by a smile so bright, Jaehyun swore he saw a twinkle bounce of his teeth like in cartoons. Kun greeted him with a pat on the back,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to see you again!” They went together into the living room, which had been transformed a bit for game night. All the couches were pushed against the wall, along with the coffee table so that everyone could sit around the carpet. Two games sat on the table, Monopoly and Clue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which one are we playing?” Jaehyun asked Kun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haven’t decided yet, why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get a little… not nice during Monopoly,” Jaehyun admitted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It can’t be worse than him during Clue,” Kun laughed, receiving an annoyed look from Ten, who was waiting on a couch. Jaehyun heard Seulgi and Johnny in the kitchen and assumed Irene was with them. Yuta and Doyoung arrived shortly after. Heads turned as those in the kitchen came out holding bowls of snacks. Irene, Seulgi, Johnny, and… the most beautiful man Jaehyun thought he had ever laid eyes on. His frame was that out of a comic book, with proportions that only God himself could have carved out. His facial features were so defined, it was like watching something in 4k. His eyebrows were full and dark, shaped so precisely it was as though they were shaped in collaboration by the most famous painters of the 14th century. The man made the bowl of cheese puffs he was holding look like treasure that people would risk their lives for. Jaehyun was snapped back to reality when Johnny picked up one of those treasures and popped it in his mouth, biting down with a crisp crunching noise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys, this is our friend from uni,” he wagged his finger in a triangle from himself to Ten to Irene. “Sehun, this is guys.” The man smiled and gave a nod to the room. He placed his cheese puffs on the coffee table, which Yuta immediately reached for, not taking his eyes off of him. When he noticed Sehun noticing his not so subtle staring, Yuta giggled awkwardly and spat out a “Nice to meet you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group sat in a circle around the Monopoly board in silence until Johnny cleared his throat and held up a button. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I found this in one of the kitchen drawers and will be playing with it so we have enough pieces,” he placed the button on the “start” square where the other pieces had been piled up. As they started playing, Doyoung leaned over to whisper to Jaehyun,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m scared to talk, I don’t wanna seem ugly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How would you look ugly from talking?” Doyoung shrugged,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Look </span>
  </em>
  <span>at him.” Doyoung caught Sehun’s gaze and flushed, suddenly becoming very interested in the floor. The man seemed to be able to sense anytime eyes were on him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About forty-five minutes passed before Ten was drunk enough to start referring to everyone as “bitch.” His piece landed on Sehun’s property and he let out a long, dramatic sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, take my money, bitch.” Ten placed a fake twenty dollar bill onto Sehun’s open palm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice doing business with you,” Sehun smiled, placing the bill on a pile of matching ones. Jaehyun frowned at Sehun’s growing riches, upset that he wasn’t winning. He smirked to himself when he was able to place his first hotel, causing Yuta to warn everyone,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is when he gets mean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The game turned into a background activity while everyone conversed. Jaehyun learned that Sehun worked as a model back in South Korea and was over to participate in a big show in the city. No one was surprised to hear about Sehun’s career, what with his looks and half of Johnny’s friends being in the industry. It was a few more hours before the game was over, with Sehun having sent everyone into bankruptcy. Ten was trying to bargain with a couple of left-over cashews for Kun’s properties so he could at least come in second, but his boyfriend mercilessly denied until Ten whispered something to him. Jaehyun didn’t need colour vision to know that Kun’s face had turned a bright shade of red. Kun and Ten gave each other a look similar to the one Jaehyun and Taeyong would give each other when they knew they were the only ones in a room who could see the hues in something. It was like a language no one else could understand, but like all languages, others could learn it eventually. It was dark out and the amount of cars on the street was decreasing. Everyone grabbed their coats one by one and started leaving. Jaehyun was one of the last, with Yuta waiting for him. Doyoung had asked Jaehyun to drop Yuta off since he had an apartment showing early the next morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun stepped out of the washroom and looked around for Yuta, but his eyes fell on two figures standing in the dimly-lit stairway. Johnny and Sehun were standing close together, with Johnny resting against the wall and Sehun in front of him, leaning towards the other with one hand on the wall for balance. Their lips were moving, but their voices were low enough that Jaehyun couldn’t hear anything. Jaehyun saw Sehun raise an eyebrow at Johnny, expectant of something, but Johnny responded by breaking eye contact. He seemed to be in thought until he saw Jaehyun and pushed Sehun to the side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you guys seen Yuta?” Jaehyun asked, seeing Johnny open his mouth to say something. Johnny seemed to discard whatever he previously wanted to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think he went to the kitchen.” Jaehyun looked up at Sehun on the stairs and back at Johnny, giving them an awkward smile. Yuta finally came back from the kitchen, holding a ziploc bag full of cheese puffs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You ready, Jaehyun?” he smiled, not feeling the tension in the air. Jaehyun nodded and said goodbye to the others. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You could’ve bought a bag of those for two dollars,” Jaehyun glanced at the cheese puffs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I just saved those two dollars.” Yuta looked hesitant to say something, which was unusual. “Do you like him?” Jaehyun whipped his head to look at Yuta and whipped it back just as fast when he felt his car swerve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who, Sehun? He seemed nice enough.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know I don’t mean him.” Jaehyun laughed more nervously than he had intended.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t like Johnny like that. He’s my friend. Why, you jealous?” Yuta scoffed and threw a cheese puff at Jaehyun’s lap. “Pick that up when we’re at a red light.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“People are gonna think I’m-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They will </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>think that,” Jaehyun paused. “Just do it quickly.” Yuta looked around before dipping down and reaching to try and grab the little puff that was rolling out of his reach. He let out a groan of struggle and Jaehyun hit him with his leg,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Forget it, I’ll grab it later.” He waited a bit before he gave into his curiosity. “Why are you asking, anyway?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About Johnny.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Yuta turned his bottom lip outward. “I hear you’ve been hanging out with him lately so I thought maybe… anyway, don’t think too much about it.” Yuta knew of Jaehyun’s tendency to overthink things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you think it’s too soon?” Jaehyun asked quietly. Yuta didn’t ask him to specify what he meant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone takes a different amount of time. What matters is when you’re comfortable with it. Besides, you said you don’t even like him, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but… if I’m ever interested in someone in the future…” Jaehyun’s voice grew quiet with each word. Yuta looked out of his window and noticed that they were close to the park by Jaehyun’s place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you wanna pull over?” he asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two took a seat on a cold bench, illuminated by a streetlamp that stood tall. Jaehyun wondered if the light was tinting things orange, or perhaps that pale yellow. The shadows on Yuta and himself were too dark to be coming from white light. Yuta was the first to speak again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t feel guilty about loving again.” Jaehyun stared out at the cars that whizzed by every once in a while. He watched the glow from the headlights dance across the curves of his fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s the point of loving again if my soulmate is gone?” Yuta looked as if he had been dreading that question for a while.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love can happen without colour vision, you know.” Jaehyun thought of his mother, who loved his father unlike any other without ever having seen a drop of colour. “My uncle and his wife have been married for like… twelve years.” Yuta continued. “Neither of them have it. It’s more common than you’d think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Jaehyun said. “It just seems like an impossibility right now.” Yuta patted Jaehyun’s back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s no rush.” He scoffed, “Shit, man. Doyoung and Seulgi are so much better at this kinda stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not so bad,” Jaehyun smiled. He exhaled deeply and saw the air in front of him turn foggy. He hadn’t noticed the temperature until now. He could picture how Yuta’s nose would turn pink in the cold and, from his sniffling, assumed the same thing was happening now. “Let’s go back to the car,” Jaehyun said, standing up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun ran his fingers along a sweater before realizing the material would only scratch him and letting it fall back down. He ducked in and out of an array of clothing racks pushed too close together for comfort. Nothing was pleasing him, everything was either uncomfortable or had an ugly pattern. At times like these, Jaehyun was glad colour wasn’t an issue. It had been a while since he had visited the mall, but it was a strangely pleasant place for him. Nothing had changed, aside from a sunglass kiosk being turned into one for customizable snow globes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, he settled for a plain turtleneck that was thick enough to wear without a jacket, but thin enough to wear under one on the coldest days. Walking out of the store, Jaehyun took a deep breath in to savour what was the musty, artificial, comforting smell of a jam-packed shopping mall. Despite it being a work day, people were bustling in and out of stores, all eager to get their holiday shopping done a month early. Jaehyun squeezed through the crowd, his eyes locked on what Seulgi had referred to as “a place of magic and wonders.” He was still meters away when the freshly-baked pretzel smell hit him like a bullet up the nostrils, except significantly less painful. Jaehyun sat down at a circular table for two after ordering, staring his cup of pretzel bites down before popping one in his mouth. He held back a moan of pain when the bread burnt his tongue but kept chewing, attempting to suck in cool air at the same time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun?” The sudden call nearly made him jump in his seat. Jaehyun looked up with watery eyes to see Kun suppressing a laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Jaehyun replied. He motioned for Kun to take the seat opposite to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are those good?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, little hot though,” Jaehyun extended the cup towards Kun, who took a pretzel and carefully bit into it. He didn’t struggle as much. Jaehyun saw the little bag in Kun’s hand and asked him what he bought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anniversary present for Ten.” Kun looked inside the bag and smiled. “I’m thinking of proposing actually.” Jaehyun’s eyes widened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh wow, Congratulations!” he said, trying to chew faster. He decided to save his pretzels for when he was alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Kun smiled. “Don’t tell him, though!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t dream of it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d you buy?” Kun pointed at Jaehyun’s white paper bag.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing impressive, just a sweater.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like the colour,” Kun stopped for a moment. Jaehyun smiled, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What colour is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kun looked in the bag Jaehyun had tilted towards him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d say it’s cream? I’m not sure how to explain it, sorry.” Jaehyun simply nodded. There was a short, awkward silence until Kun said, “I was just heading out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too, actually. I’ll walk with you?” The two walked through a rush of people, mostly rich middle aged women with their expensive coats flying behind them like capes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope Ten says yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course he will,” Jaehyun assured him. “You’re soulmates.” Kun shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not much of a marriage guy, though. I would spend my life with him no matter the circumstances, but to me… I’ve always wanted a family.” Jaehyun wasn't sure what to say. He stopped walking to look at the store beside them and Kun followed his actions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want some ice cream? To cool the nerves.” Kun chuckled and nodded. “What flavour?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve never eaten from here, what do you recommend?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I usually get the green one.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kun nodded and looked at the flavours before his eyes widened. The flavours had extravagant names like “Rocky Road Chocolate Trail” and “Refreshing Summer Strawberry Lemonade Punch,” but none of them were labeled with their corresponding colours.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Green?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well the names are kind of long to remember,” Jaehyun shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Jaehyun… green.” Jaehyun realized then what Kun was trying to say. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two continued walking through the ground floor of the mall, ice cream cones in hand. Jaehyun’s key lime began to drip onto his hand and soaked the edge of the tissue that was wrapped around the cone. Kun took a lick of his butterscotch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you said you don’t have colour vision?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t… anymore.” The ice cream continued to drip. “My soulmate passed away.” Kun tilted his head. Jaehyun glanced over, waiting for a reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to hear that.” A set of automatic doors slid open and the cold air wrapped itself around them. Jaehyun looked around, wondering if he could take the conversation anywhere from there until Kun spoke again. “I’ll see you later, then? Hopefully at an engagement party.” He flashed his charming grin and was off, leaving Jaehyun alone to finally notice the stickiness on his hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That night, Jaehyun opened his laptop to four frantic emails from Seulgi. He checked his phone, which he hadn’t touched in a while- seven missed calls and over thirty texts. Jaehyun felt his heart race like a kid who had been out past curfew and accidentally ignored calls from his mother. He called Seulgi back and stayed quiet while she cursed him out for a few seconds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened, Seul?” There was a deep sigh from Seulgi, followed by silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They wanna close down the clinic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun didn’t react, unsure how to process what he had just been told. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, some rich fuck who’s never been told “no” and doesn’t care about what happens to other people-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do they wanna close us?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Read my texts. Or an email.” Jaehyun skimmed over one of Seulgi’s emails, the subject line of which was a keyboard smash in all caps. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They wanna buy the building? For what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They didn’t say, they just made me an offer like I was supposed to accept.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should talk to everyone about this, I’ll email them and we can set up a meeting. How about tomorrow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you so calm, Jae?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think my brain believes what’s happening.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seulgi locked the door after the last patient of the day had left. She turned to do a headcount, even though there were only a total of six people in the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, so… what are we gonna do?” Everyone looked at each other, unsure of how to answer the question. Riya, the youngest of the doctors, spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was their offer?” Sarah, the other doctor, nudged Riya with her elbow. “We were all thinking it!” Riya defended herself. Seulgi sighed and revealed the offer she had received in exchange for their place. Eyes seemed to bulge out as she said the number.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seul… that’s enough to buy a new place,” Sarah touched Seulgi’s shoulder softly. Seulgi’s head was hung so low that Jaehyun thought she would topple over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I worked so hard for this. For this place. I watched them put up the sign. I painted the walls and helped carry the furniture in here.” Seulgi looked at Jaehyun, tears brimming her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>be difficult to relocate. We’d have to make arrangements for our patients while we moved. Plus all this inventory-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve been here for years, don’t you think this is an opportunity for improvement?” Matt, the receptionist, asked. Seulgi looked defeated. She didn’t bother to present her side of the argument and instead sulked off in the direction of her office. Jaehyun told the others to wait and followed her, stopping the door with his foot just as she was about to close it. Seulgi sat on one of the chairs opposite her own and buried her face in her hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna leave,” she mumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could deny the offer,” Jaehyun suggested, taking a seat beside her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know how these people move, Jae. Even if I say no, they could pose a case. Force me to settle. With enough money, you can do anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun thought about when they had first moved into the place. It wasn’t a frequented area, rather a place where people came to live after retirement or start their families. In short, a lot of old people and babies. There was never demand for new stores or things that would attract wealthy customers. Thinking about it now, the neighbourhood wasn’t as homey as it once was. Jaehyun was just so used to it, his mind had tuned out all the small businesses that had cleared out and turned into stores that would make rich people richer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What hurts me,” Seulgi continued, “Is that the others didn’t even stick up for this place.” Jaehyun sighed. Usually so sure about the best option, Seulgi was now clouded by her emotions. Jaehyun hugged her with one arm as she let her head fall onto his shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you don’t want to relocate, I will support you fully, but consider the alternative, Seul. They really did offer enough for us to buy a new place, maybe a little smaller than this but we could make it work.” Seulgi lifted her head and glared at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Et tu, Jaehyun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just saying! It’s sudden and inconvenient, but the way you were talking last night made me think we were all gonna be jobless. This is a step up.” Seulgi huffed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’ll think about it. But if we need to pause business for a while to move somewhere, it’s gonna take a toll.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the end of the week, Seulgi called another meeting of the employees. She looked stern, not as beat down as she was the day after getting the news. She grabbed the bag of chips Matt was eating and set it aside as he threw his arms up in protest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you all think it’s a good idea to sell, I will tell them we accept. You’ve all suggested relocating, but I was thinking… what if we applied for jobs elsewhere?” Everyone looked at her in confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you talking about, Kang?” Sarah asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, we’re all young doctors with good education. And Matt. I think we could find opportunities at better clinics.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re really zero or one hundred, huh?” Riya said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s be real, we haven’t been making as much as we would at someplace more well-known. And it’s hard to run your own clinic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought we were doing pretty well, considering…” Sarah said quietly, sadness taking over her eyes. It was those words coming from Seulgi that made Jaehyun’s heart drop. A few days ago she was willing to take things as far as a lawsuit, and now she wanted to throw away the clinic completely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think about how hard it would be on the patients. New environments with completely new people.” Jaehyun said. Seulgi’s eyes moved from place to place, too restless to settle on any one thing. Finally, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think it over, and get back to me. See you all next week.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seulgi slipped on her jacket and left without another word. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s going through something,” Jaehyun said, looking at the grim expressions on everyone’s faces. “I’ll talk to her, don’t worry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun knocked on the door of Seulgi’s apartment. A minute must’ve passed with no answer, so he knocked again. He heard a groan come from inside and pressed his ear to the door. There was a loud thud and another, louder groan. Worried, Jaehyun turned the door handle to find out it was already unlocked. He rushed inside, worried about what scene may be awaiting him. To some degree of his relief, it was Seulgi lying on the floor by her couch, a bottle of tequila on the table beside her. Now Jaehyun was concerned for other reasons. He picked up the bottle and poked Seulgi with his foot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me this wasn’t completely full when you started.” When Seulgi didn’t respond, he poked her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nmmng” she replied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You left like ten minutes before me, and you’re already smashed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I chugged the first bottle I saw,” she dragged herself up to lean against the couch, “When I got home.” Jaehyun pushed the coffee table further out so he would have room to sit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t mean it, did you?” Jaehyun asked. Seulgi looked at him with tired eyes. The sun was shining in streaks across her face, illuminating areas. When it hit her eye, she blinked fast and turned her head away. “You don’t want to let go of Jaesu completely.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I don’t! I’m just upset.” She sighed and let her head fall back onto the couch cushion. “It feels so random, Jae. One day I get home like normal and then see an email from some dude named Brad who thinks our space would be “better utilized” as what? Some expensive coffee shop or a fucking baby boutique?” Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you wanna tell Brad where to shove it, you know we’d support you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Seulgi shook her head. “No, that’s the problem. You guys are right. It would be better to relocate. This is an opportunity, but… I can be angry, can’t I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Jaehyun said softly. Seulgi always chose what would benefit many over few. Even if she had to get drunk and angry before collecting herself again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I bought that place, it was already old. That’s why it was so cheap. They’re probably gonna get rid of all the repairs I spent money on for the vintage aesthetic,” she frowned. “We should poke some holes in the plumbing before leaving so they have a tough time.” Jaehyun smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So we’re leaving?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seulgi looked up at the sun, not squinting when it rested on her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re leaving.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun pursed his lips and nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At least Doie can get us good deals on a new place.” Jaehyun said. Seulgi groaned and stretched her arms up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s gonna be such a pain,” she said, dragging out the last word. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can do it,” Jaehyun assured, dropping his head on her shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can,” she repeated, resting her head on his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The weekend was met with constant rain. It would often fluctuate between spitting and showers, but it never quite stopped. Jaehyun and Doyoung were with Seulgi at her place, already looking at listings for their relocation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Google, play November Rain by Jannabi,” Doyoung said, staring at the round device of Seulgi’s shelf.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Playing November Rain by Guns n’ Roses.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Doyoung clicked his tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Google, play November Rain by Jan-na-bi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Playing November Rain by Guns n’ Roses.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your robot is useless,” Doyoung sighed while pulling his phone out to play the correct song. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your songs are always so literal,” said Seulgi. “If I could count the amount of times you played Summertime Sadness in July.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like stuff that fits the mood!” Doyoung defended. The song he wanted began, the melancholy strum of a guitar filling the room when he transferred it to the speaker. “Is rapunzel over there gonna help us?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun, who was gazing out the window in a frozen state, turned around and made a face at Doyoung. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just watching the rain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Life must be hard with Mother Gothel in control,” Doyoung put a hand over his heart for fake sympathy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop, you’re making me want to listen to the Tangled soundtrack,” Seulgi said, not looking up from her laptop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not a bad idea,” Doyoung said while pulling out his phone again. Jaehyun took it out of his hands and set it aside before sitting on the floor with the two. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did that Brad guy ever respond to your email?” Jaehyun asked Seulgi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but I wanted to get a headstart on this. Never know when prices are gonna rise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t it your job to know?” Jaehyun turned to Doyoung. Doyoung shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“By the way, Kun invited us to a party next week,” Seulgi informed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I got the text,” Doyoung said. “These people have gatherings every weekend, I swear.” Jaehyun recalled his run-in with Kun at the mall earlier that week.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think this one will be worth attending.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seulgi glanced at him, finally looking up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know something,” she said, accusingly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know a single thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not one?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There is no knowledge in here,” Jaehyun tapped the side of his head with one finger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay…” Seulgi squinted at him, still suspicious. Doyoung, unconcerned with their conversation, had gone and grabbed a bag of marshmallows from the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Yuta coming later?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, he’s working with Johnny.” Seugli replied. “Why are you wasting my marshmallows?” Doyoung ignored the question. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, he told you? He wasn’t answering my calls.” Jaehyun said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mine either, I called Johnny after and he told me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Jaehyun said again, his voice smaller. He hadn’t taken the time to realize it, but he hadn’t spoken to Johnny individually for a while.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At home, Jaehyun looked back and forth between Taeyong’s photo and his phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Should I see what’s up with him?” Jaehyun asked the picture. It gave him an encouraging smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jaehyun: hey, how are things</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watched the screen, wondering if those three little dots would appear any time soon. They did, seconds after he had sent the message. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Hi! Been busy lately haha</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Just got home actually</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Wbu</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jaehyun: same</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jaehyun: haven’t talked to u in a while</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Yeah :( my bad</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Sorry for not texting </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jaehyun: don’t apologize, it’s no problem </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The grey dots didn’t appear for a while again, and Jaehyun was about to turn off his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Do you wanna hang tomorrow? </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: Got some stuff to do at the studio but we could meet there</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Johnny: I’ll give you a tour!</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some part of Jaehyun had thought Johnny had simply lost interest in hanging out with him, but perhaps he truly was just… busy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jaehyun: yeah sure</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jaehyun: what time?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The perimeter of the building from the parking lot to the front, was lined with windows and the occasional wall. The glass was tinted on the outside, but it wasn’t dark enough that you couldn’t see people who were standing close to it. Busy people scurried around, holding clipboards or file folders. Jaehyun pulled open the door, which was heavier than he expected, and stood alone at the entrance. The front desk was shaped like a semi circle and four people sat behind it, chattering into their headsets. They each had a tag on their section of the desk, outlining specific departments. One said “Bookings, events, job openings, inquiries.” Jaehyun didn’t get to read the other three before he saw Johnny walking towards him. The man smiled and greeted him with a hug, which Jaehyun was too slow to return. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No problem, I’m excited for that tour.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny smiled and motioned for Jaehyun to follow him. Jaehyun was led through hallways lined with framed photos and magazine covers, a lot of them accompanied by award plaques and certificates. Jaehyun almost fell behind while trying to get a look at everything that was displayed. They took the stairs to the next floor, which was impossibly different from the one they had just been on. The section of the first floor that Jaehyun had seen resembled any other office building, while this area was decorated as if each corner of the room was a different location completely. One was rich with fake plants and had a small fountain spewing away, where the one opposite it was a plain white corner. A light fixture had been set up and some photography equipment was lying there, waiting for someone to come back and use it. Johnny saw Jaehyun marvelling and said,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We like to use this space for shoots and stuff, especially when it’s cold out. It’s usually different every day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Incredible,” Jaehyun said. He dipped his hand in the cool water as they walked by the fountain. They entered another hallway and Johnny stopped in front of a door that had been decorated with written messages and doodles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is my studio,” he said, opening the door. “It’s not as nice as out there.” Jaehyun entered the room, which was dim and barren. There was a backdrop set up which was currently set to a plain white fabric, a small desk with a computer, a few chairs, and some lights. “I usually shoot at other locations,” Johnny explained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nice. Comfortable.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny looked at Jaehyun, but the latter didn’t notice. “Mind if I sit here?” Jaehyun gestured to the stool placed in front of the backdrop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, go ahead.” The room was so quiet, you could hear the scrape of the stool against the floor as Jaehyun sat on it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What have you been up to?” Jaehyun asked in an effort to make conversation. Johnny shrugged, switching out the lens of a camera. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Had to oversee a lot of projects this week. Yuta’s been a great help, I’m glad he took the job. I haven’t told him yet, but a few of my friends have asked to use him as a model.” Jaehyun smiled in response. “You?” Johnny asked. The one-word question made Jaehyun shift in his seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re selling the building our clinic is in. We have to find a new place.” Johnny stopped fiddling with his camera and shook his head,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn… I’m sorry, that can’t be easy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s ok. I mean you’re right, but we’ll get through it.” Jaehyun paused before he asked his next question. He didn’t know why he asked it, truth be told. It’s not as though he was truly interested in the answer, but he found his mouth talking before his brain could catch up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’s Sehun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny froze for a moment, also unsure why the question was being asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s fine. Decided to stay in town for a few weeks.” Jaehyun just nodded. Johnny looked at him, as though he wanted to say something. There was an urgency that appeared in his eyes and faded just as fast. “You know, I should take some pictures of you, since you’re already here. Seated in my studio and everything.” Jaehyun looked down at his denim jacket and loose black shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure I’m dressed for the occasion.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the beauty of photography Jaehyun,” Johnny came closer, camera in hand. “You can make something beautiful without any preparation.” He placed a chair parallel to Jaehyun and took a seat, positioning his camera. Johnny muttered to himself and got up to rummage for something in the drawers of his desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold this,” he said, handing Jaehyun a candle. It was short, contained in a glass cylinder, and the wick was untouched by any previous flame. Johnny went back to rummaging until he found what he was looking for. Jaehyun watched as he flicked a match against its box, the fire refusing to be ignited. When the flame finally caught, Johnny carefully held it to the candle and waited for it to grow before blowing on the match and letting it fall to the ground, then stepping on it for good measure. Jaehyun sat, unmoving as he watched the flame flicker about. Johnny sat back down in front of him after turning off the already dim lights, lifting his camera once more. The only thing Jaehyun could hear was the gentle crackling of the flame. He didn’t know where to look, so his eyes travelled right to the center of the lens. There was an immediate click when his gaze landed on the camera. He thought, to Johnny, it would look like eye contact. To Jaehyun’s confusion, his heart started beating faster in his chest. There was something intimidating about being alone with someone in such a quiet room. No lights to remind you how small the place was. It felt like time had taken a break for them and they were standing somewhere vast, wide open. The only thing reminding Jaehyun where he was was the camera shutter clicking every now and then. Jaehyun looked down at the candle, watching the wax melt and become transparent. When he looked up again, Johnny was standing over him, leaning close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he whispered with a smile, seeing Jaehyun nearly jump in his seat. “Just wanted to-” he cut himself off and ran a hand through Jaehyun’s hair, caressing the side of his head. Jaehyun had to stop himself from shuddering at the touch. Johnny continued playing with Jaehyun’s hair until he was satisfied with how the strands fell, but he didn’t move back to take the picture. Feeling like his nose would touch the lens if he leaned forward a bit, Jaehyun wondered how any good shots would be formed from such a close distance. Before he could realize the camera was gone, Jaehyun found himself staring directly into Johnny’s eyes. His mind went blank, only wondering what colour they could be. It made sense for them to be black or brown, but what did they look like in the light? What colours peaked out when the flame of the candle reflected in his pupils and danced around in them, or when the sun hit them at just the right angle? What colour were they at night when the moon herself selected what she would embellish? What would they look like even in the unnerving glow of the fluorescent light bulbs back at the clinic? Jaehyun wasn’t sure if he was leaning closer or if it was Johnny, but he could feel the other’s breath on his skin and a vibration running up his spine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A familiar vibration. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun gulped and cleared his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My phone…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny stood up straight, suddenly very interested in his shoes. Jaehyun took his phone out from his pocket and the screen flashed on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Your monthly Netflix subscription has expired! Click the link to fix this problem.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun sighed and deleted the message. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were cockblocked by a <em>spam text</em>?” Yuta yelled so loud, Jaehyun had to turn the volume down on FaceTime. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t cockblocked. There was no cock to block.” Yuta snickered,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“From what you’re saying, it sounds like there was about to be.” He stopped giggling when he saw the expression on Jaehyun’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think I was going to kiss him,” Jaehyun mumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But was </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> gonna kiss </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Yuta raised his eyebrows. Jaehyun didn’t say anything. “So what did you do after?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told him the text was from Doyoung and I had to run.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bitch-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I panicked! I told you, I don’t like him like that. If he had continued, I don’t know what he would’ve done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can give you some ideas,” Yuta leaned back where he was sitting. “Why’re you lying to yourself, Jae. It’s not a crime to be interested in someone.” Jaehyun looked out of the corner of his eye to the framed picture of Taeyong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not. I’m not interested in him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm.” Yuta rolled his eyes. “Listen, I gotta do some stuff, I’ll talk to you later.” Jaehyun nodded and waved goodbye as Yuta ended the call. Jaehyun kicked off his slippers and sat cross legged on his couch. He looked at Taeyong but found himself unable to maintain eye contact with the picture. Frustrated, Jaehyun made a beeline right into his bed, staring at the ceiling until his eyes grew heavy and he drifted off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a week of emailing clients about Jaesu’s current situation, Jaehyun was glad to arrive at Kun and Ten’s doorstep. If anything, it would be a nice break from all the stress that came with trying to lift the clinic and move it to another location. Kun opened the door and welcomed him in, taking the cake Jaehyun had brought at his request. Apparently, Jaehyun was the only one Kun had told about his plans. He had said it was hard keeping the secret to himself, so he had let it slip when he ran into Jaehyun. The 1975’s “The Sound” was playing when Jaehyun walked into the living room, and Ten was in the middle of it, dancing like no one was watching. Not the same kind of dance he had performed the first time Jaehyun saw him, but the kind of dance you do just to relax and feel loose. Not many people had arrived, just Seulgi and Irene. Ten was trying to pull Irene to dance with him while she begged Seulgi to save her, only being met with a teasing laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So how many people did you invite?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a lot, actually,” Kun said. “Just you guys and some friends from work. People I wanna share the moment with.” He beamed, watching Ten try to back it up on a terrified Irene. It made Jaehyun feel good that Kun had taken enough of a liking to him and his friends to invite them to this special occasion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doorbell rang again and Kun turned to answer it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got it,” Jaehyun said. “You make your preparations.” Kun smiled at him and went off into the kitchen. Jaehyun opened the door to a pair of eyes looking into his so intensely that he felt like there would soon be two more holes on the other side of his skull. The eyes relaxed their gaze and smiled. A hand patted him on the shoulder harder than he had expected it to land. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Jaehyun, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jaehyun said to Sehun. “Hi.” Sehun entered, Johnny right behind him. He gave Jaehyun a polite smile, but didn’t say anything. Others arrived soon after- Doyoung, Yuta, and a few new faces. Kun introduced them as Dejun, Sicheng, and Kunhang. After they had all eaten, Kun brought the cake to the dinner table and insisted on cutting the pieces himself. Jaehyun guessed why he was so persistent as Kun handed Ten his piece of cake, barely able to contain the excitement in his eyes. Ten didn’t seem to find anything strange about Kun remaining beside him even after everyone had gotten a slice. Jaehyun hadn’t taken a bite yet, he, like Kun, was buzzing with anticipation. Finally the moment came. Ten slowed down his chewing and twisted his face in discomfort, probably from the sudden hardness of his cake. He pulled a glittering piece of metal out from between his teeth and gasped, whipping his head to look at Kun, who was now down on one knee. Everyone else had their attention caught by the gasp. All eyes were on the couple. Jaehyun felt his lips curve into a smile as Kun began to speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ten Leechaiyapornkul,”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I prepared a speech, sweetie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my bad, go on,” Ten replied, positively giddy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ten, you are the love of my life. I’ll be honest, I was doubtful I’d ever find my soulmate, let alone so soon. When I started seeing in colour after spending two weeks with you, I thought it was too good to be true. But since then, you’ve made my life so vibrant. So beautiful. I can’t imagine this world without you. I can’t imagine not seeing the pink flush of your cheeks first thing when I wake up, or the blue of your tattoo when you hold my hand. I can’t imagine not smelling your cologne on all my clothes because you refuse to wear your own,” he chuckled. “Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband, even though you already replied and we all know the answer now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Ten said again, practically leaping on him. The couple smiled only at each other while the rest of the room cheered and took photos. Ten touched his forehead to Kun’s and kissed him, cupping one side of his face. Jaehyun felt a tear running down his cheek. He rushed to wipe it away, hoping no one had seen. Unfortunately, Dejun, who was beside him, nudged him and whispered,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sucker for proposals, huh? Me too.” Jaehyun smiled and nodded, thinking that excuse was good enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After congratulations had been said, everyone gathered in the living room again. It was smaller than Johnny’s, but no one seemed to mind the lack of space. Jaehyun stood, back and one foot against the wall and a wine glass full of coke in his hand. Everyone seemed to be in pairs, talking or dancing. Ten and Kun were in an embrace, slow dancing like 12th graders at prom. Dejun and Kunhang were mimicking them, despite their not noticing or caring. Seulgi and Irene were dancing too, completely against the vibe of the song but having fun nonetheless. Yuta was talking to- or perhaps hitting on Sicheng, who was hesitant to make eye contact. Johnny and Sehun were seated on the couch, neither of them talking or looking at each other, but Sehun’s arm was placed around Johnny. Jaehyun noticed that Johnny was stiff, not leaning into Sehun’s touch- but not exactly avoiding it either. Finally, Doyoung stood beside Jaehyun, doodling on his hand with a pen he had found lying around. It was a habit he had picked up from Taeyong. Jaehyun extended his free hand to Doyoung, indicating for him to draw on it. They were interrupted when Yuta huffed over and dragged them to join the couples on the makeshift dance floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One of you dance with me, I’m tryna make that kid jealous,” he motioned to Sicheng with his eyes, who was indeed watching them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you know he will be?” Doyoung asked, pulling his sleeve out from Yuta’s grip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Make out with me and see if he stops it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Or I could punch you and see if he rushes to your side.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yuta made a mocking expression at Doyoung’s comment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys,” he said, his voice much lower. “I might be insane since we just met, but I really like him. If you guys help me land a date- even a coffee date- I’ll buy you each lunch for a week.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Doyoung and Jaehyun gave each other a look. They hadn’t heard Yuta say anything like that since he had fallen for a girl in university. The two had dated for a year after that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you tried asking him out?” Jaehyun suggested, light sarcasm in his voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m coming on too strong for him… he won’t even look at me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just tone it down, ask nicely, I’m sure he’ll say yes,” Doyoung encouraged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, guys, he’s shy. He’s not like other girls,” Yuta joked. Jaehyun and Doyoung rolled their eyes almost simultaneously. Doyoung gave Yuta a light push in Sicheng’s direction- the boy was clearly trying to pretend he hadn’t been looking at them the whole time. The two tried to watch nonchalantly as Yuta once again approached Sicheng, taking some time to say something. After Yuta was done, Sicheng smiled ever so slightly and nodded. Yuta beamed and Jaehyun saw him flinch as though he were about to hug the boy, but he stopped himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Our little boy is growing up so fast,” Doyoung wiped an invisible tear from his cheek. Jaehyun was too occupied to laugh. He was busy looking at Johnny, who had eased into Sehun’s hold. “You good?” Doyoung asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Doyoung followed Jaehyun’s gaze and leaned closer to whisper to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you interested in one of them?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Jaehyun said, almost habitually.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, he is.” Jaehyun and Doyoung looked at Yuta, who had his arms crossed like a disappointed mother. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jaehyun said, insistent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why does that bother you?” Yuta tilted his chin to where Johnny and Sehun were seated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t,” Jaehyun took a sip of his coke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Johnny!” Yuta said. Jaehyun thought he was being messed with until a voice behind him replied,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.” Jaehyun wasn’t sure if he could hear a smile in Johnny’s voice, or he was just so used to seeing him like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Doyoung, look at that thing,” Yuta pointed to nothing, pulling Doyoung off in its direction. Johnny watched the others walk off before talking to Jaehyun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just wanted to apologize if I made you uncomfortable at the studio last week. If I got too close trying to take those pictures” Jaehyun wasn’t sure what to say. He hadn’t been uncomfortable, in fact the whole experience seemed like a dream that he had only a vague recollection of. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Jaehyun chuckled nervously, hoping Johnny wouldn’t notice. “I honestly forgot about it until now, don’t worry,” he playfully punched Johnny’s arm, causing the man to look at him with confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway,” Johnny said, rubbing the area Jaehyun had hit, “Do you wanna see how those pics turned out? Jaehyun nodded and Johnny showed him his phone, swiping through the pictures. They had turned out much better than Jaehyun expected. He zoomed in and out in disbelief that the person in the pictures was truly him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re talented with a camera,” Jaehyun complimented. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, my subject was easy to work with,” Johnny smiled. Jaehyun felt his knees go weak for a second. His smile was so welcoming. So comforting. Jaehyun thought he could look at it for hours without getting bored. He hadn’t thought that about anyone since Taeyong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun let out a barely-audible gasp, realizing that one of his worst nightmares was about to become a reality. He would have to admit that Yuta was right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first thing Jaehyun saw when he walked into Jaesu was Doyoung, holding up his phone and laughing at Yuta, who was trying to carry two colossal bags of dog food on either shoulder like some sort of Herculean character. Yuta’s knees were shaking with every step, but the man refused to relent until a frustrated Seulgi plucked one of the bags off and took it to the U-haul herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was their first day of what Seulgi had titled “moving week.” To her demand, there wasn’t to be a single item left in the building after that week, provided it wasn’t nailed to the ground. Just to check, Mark and Jaemin had attempted to lift the receptionist’s counter from either end. Although they had plenty of time to evacuate, Seulgi had no intention of slacking. The faster they moved into the new building, the sooner they could provide for their patients. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Doyoung had helped them find a “clean and adequate” space, as Seulgi had described it. It was in better shape than their current building when they first moved in, but a collective vote had decided it would need thorough redecorating. Seulgi had appointed Riya and Sarah to this task who, maybe ten minutes into the drive to the paint store, had noticed Renjun in the backseat and frantically called Jaehyun. Turns out he had tagged along with them without anyone noticing. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told </span>
  </em>
  <span>you we didn’t need to invite all these people to help,” Riya had scolded into the phone, much to Renjun’s offense. With everyone who was free helping out, things were eventful, to say the least. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jae, will you drive that thing to Jae-two?” Seulgi asked while gesturing vaguely to where the U-haul was parked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who started that name?” Jaehyun’s question was answered with an equally vague gesture to Yuta, who was now covering his head in a roll of bubble-wrap next to an eager Jaemin lying in wait with a reflex hammer in hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kun and Ten are at the other building, Johnny said he’d meet them later,” Seulgi said, not looking up from her clipboard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do we really need this much help, Seul?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They were kind enough to offer,” she looked up. “Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Jaehyun couldn’t hold eye contact. “I just feel bad they’re all doing this for free.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Buy them all coffee,” Seulgi shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun sat at the wheel of the truck, waiting for the last item of this batch to be loaded into the back. His heart was buzzing with the anxiety of seeing Johnny again. The two hadn’t met since the engagement party a few days ago, but things had been different for Jaehyun since the revelation that he had feelings for Johnny. It felt like eons since he last had a crush on someone. “Crush.” How childish it sounded, but what else could he call it? It wasn’t love. Love was reserved for Taeyong. It had been difficult enough for Jaehyun to accept this feeling, having to remind himself over and over that he was allowed to like someone. He had yet to tell any of his friends. Of course the support from them would be reassuring, but he wasn’t prepared to face Yuta’s gloating. The man loved to be right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two thumps came from the back, followed by the cacophonous shutting of the roll-down door. The rearview mirror displayed Doyoung giving a thumbs up, as well as Mark restraining Jaemin, who seemed to be screaming and pointing at Doyoung. Shaking that strange sight from his mind, Jaehyun was off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The new building was closer to downtown, which would be a great change for the group. The new parking lot was significantly smaller and shared with a family-owned Vietnamese restaurant- it wasn’t quite clear where their section ended and Jaesu’s began. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten leapt up from his stool to greet Jaehyun when he entered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have been bored out of my </span>
  <em>
    <span>mind</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So glad you’re here! Kun, sweetie, let's start unloading.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” yelled a voice from another room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re painting in there,” Kun explained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t we just put the stuff in here, Riya? I have to go get another load,” Jaehyun said loud enough for her to hear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay!” Riya yelled back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The offices haven’t been cleared out yet, so it’s just waiting room stuff so far,” Jaehyun told the others as they walked out to the truck. They each grabbed a few chairs at once and brought them in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is less fun than waiting,” Ten sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You brought in </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing,” Kun glared at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three!” Ten exclaimed, pointing at the chairs that were stacked on top of each other. “And it was exhausting. Oh, look! Another helper. I’m gonna help the girls go paint.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And Renjun!” a shout came from the other room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And Renjun,” Ten added. Jaehyun and Kun turned to face the entrance. This place also had floor-to-ceiling windows, an element of familiarity that pleased Jaehyun. Through them, Johnny could be seen approaching, pulling his coat off as he entered. It was chilly outside, but all he had under the coat was a black t-shirt. Jaehyun’s head tilted automatically as his gaze locked onto Johnny’s toned arms. He wondered the colour of his skin, how warm or cool his undertones were. All Jaehyun could tell was that he wasn’t pale, he knew what pale looked like well enough from blankly staring at himself in the mirror every night during the two painstaking minutes spent brushing his teeth. Unknown to Jaehyun, Kun’s eyes flickered between him and Johnny, stifling a smirk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, guys,” Johnny smiled, although it was more of a quick pressing together of his lips than his usual grin. Jaehyun blinked back into his senses, noticing Johnny’s disheartened expression. “So, what are we doing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unloading,” Kun pointed his thumb behind him, where the parking lot would be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once everything was out and pushed into the middle of the new reception area, Jaehyun announced that he’d be back with the next round of items. “Why don’t you take Johnny?” Kun suggested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” the two exclaimed simultaneously. Jaehyun, despite saying the same thing as him, gave an offended look to Johnny. He knew why he didn’t want to take Johnny along, but why would Johnny be opposed to spending time with him? They had been on good terms the last time they saw each other, and hadn’t even texted since then. There hadn’t been any opportunities for either of them to fuck up. After some literal pushing from Kun, the two found themselves together in the truck. It was in park for minutes before Kun had to bang on the side of the thing and tell them to get a move on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, uh… are you ok?” Jaehyun asked, throat dry. He didn’t want to bring up the fact that Johnny hadn’t smiled since he arrived, which was completely unlike him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Johnny nodded without certainty. In the sideways glances that Jaehyun stole while driving, Johnny had been staring vacantly ahead of him each time, absentmindedly chewing on his bottom lip or rereading the warning label on the drop down mirror before him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Jaehyun went into the building again, the bubble wrap was no longer around Yuta’s head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun!” he called out. “How fantastic does my ass look right now?” he asked, poking the layers of bubble wrap that were wrapped around his hips. Jaehyun shook his head and went off to find Seulgi. She was in her office, tearing her certificate frames off the wall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, those come off even if you don’t use the force of eight Spartans,” Jaehyun said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Brad’s not getting off that easy,” Seulgi said as a frame, as well as a decent chunk of wallpaper came off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you allowed to defile this place?” Seulgi shrugged,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dunno. I’m not defiling her, I love her. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants </span>
  </em>
  <span>me to make Brad’s life harder.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure she does,” Jaehyun agreed as he dug his fingers in the narrow crook between frame and wall, the adhesive coming off and taking more of the paper with it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On the fourth day of moving, Jaesu was fully cleared out. All the furniture at Jae-two was slowly being put into place. Today, it was just Seulgi, Jaehyun, and Doyoung. Yuta and Johnny were busy at Square, Ten and Kun were wedding planning, the other employees had been given a day off by Seulgi, and the kids were at school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you guys wanna take a break? My back hurts,” Seulgi said, twisting her arm to punch herself in the spine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Doyoung said as he dropped the binder he was holding. It dropped to the floor with an unpleasant </span>
  <em>
    <span>thwap</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Why do you have </span>
  <em>
    <span>eight-hundred</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucking binders?” he groaned while taking a seat on the ground against the new receptionist’s counter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have less than ten,” Seulgi rolled her eyes. “Get up, I wanna take you guys somewhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>sat.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seulgi fluttered two fingers up and down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought we got everything,” Doyoung said, getting out of the car in the old Jaesu parking lot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm,” Seulgi hummed while heading to the main entrance. Doyoung looked at Jaehyun as if to ask, “Why did she bring us here?” Jaehyun turned his bottom lip outward and shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two stood behind Seulgi, watching her stare up at the big, all-caps sign that hung over the doors. She smiled pensively and turned to them, taking Jaehyun by the shoulders and moving him to the other side of Doyoung. She then stood to the side of Jaehyun that was empty, leaving a gap between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun recalled the time they had watched the sign go up. After everything inside was set, it was the cherry on top. In a few days, this sign would be taken down and a different one would be put up at the new place. Seulgi had insisted on taking the giant letters home, even though they’d definitely make their way to her storage unit after some time. Jaehyun looked at the space between himself and Seulgi, where Taeyong stood all those years ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish he could watch the new one being put up too,” Doyoung said, following Jaehyun’s gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He will,” Seulgi said, eyes glossy with emerging tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t cry,” Jaehyun said, gently holding her face, ready to wipe off any drops that fell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she sniffled. “It’s just hard losing something you cared so much about. Even though there's a newer, shinier place waiting for us, this one will always be so special to me.” Seulgi placed a hand on the wall of the building. Her eyes lit up and she whipped around to ask, “Either of you have a pen?” The boys patted their pockets and Doyoung pulled out a ballpoint pen, the cheap kind that he generally handed out to prospective clients. Pressing with all her might, Seulgi scratched six words on the wall, fully knowing that they would be painted over within the month. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seulgi</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jaehyun</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Doyoung</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yuta</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Taeyong</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>JAESU</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the end of an era,” Doyoung said, patting her softly on the back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And another one begins,” she sighed. “Let’s get back to Jae-two,” she smiled at how comfortable the word had accidentally become. “Jaesu,” she corrected. “ I have binders that need shelving.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bored of scrolling through Netflix for twenty minutes without prevail, Jaehyun threw his remote across the carpet, cringing when it bounced a few times more than expected and hit the hardwood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had taken just a few days of the clinic being closed for Jaehyun to realize how few hobbies he had. Most activities he partook in were at the whim of Taeyong. It was useful having someone who forced you to exit your comfort zone. Jaehyun’s eyes purposely evaded Taeyong’s photograph that night- every glance contained a fragment of guilt that he could not shake. The worst part was that he knew Taeyong wouldn’t mind, but convincing himself of that felt like a felony.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of relief washed over Jaehyun when his phone rang. Anything had to be better than this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Mrs. K, it’s me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Something’s wrong with Jamun. She had her surgery recently and she’s acting strange.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How so?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s quiet. Doesn’t care to play anymore, but can’t fall asleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Those are common side effects-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Something’s wrong. I hate to bother you at this hour, but could you please come take a look at her. I’ll pay your normal fee, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure she’s-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun sighed. They didn’t usually do house calls but with Jaesu closed, there wasn’t much of an option. Besides, he couldn’t deny his favourite patient the care she deserved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Text me your address, I’ll be there soon, Mrs. Khan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mrs. Khan’s house was magnificent. From the outside, it looked like a bungalow, but the house was built on an incline and had two floors hidden under the one passerbys could see. The backyard was huge and connected to a small stream that glittered by light of the moon. Jaehyun could imagine how lively it once was with Mrs. Khan’s whole family living there, but they had all gone on to live their own lives. Now it was just her and Jamun. The place was stocked end to end with collectibles, artwork, books, and records, but there was still something unnervingly hollow about it. Jaehyun felt sympathy for Mrs. Khan, it couldn’t be easy to occupy such a large space without any company.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamun was lying in a large, plush dog bed that Jaehyun himself would not be opposed to sleeping in. Her eyes were not as bright as normal, and her tail had lost all will to wag. Normally excited to see Jaehyun, she could do no more this time than let out a heart-aching groan. Despite knowing her condition, it was difficult for him to see her in such a state. The sprightly little puppy he saw her as was nowhere to be found. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s possible that the surgery wasn’t as successful as predicted,” Jaehyun hesitantly informed Mrs. Khan. He had lowered his voice as though his words may hurt Jamun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you said-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s rare, but not out of the question.” Jaehyun hated speaking as a doctor. “If you want, we can-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun,” Mrs. Khan tapped his arm. “Look.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamun’s eyes were closed. She lay in the same position as before, but her heavy breathing could no longer be heard. The occasional whines had seemed to cease. As Jaehyun approached to check her heart rate, he prayed and prayed that she had simply fallen into a deep slumber. He must have frozen every muscle in his body, even his own breathing to try and listen for a pulse. His stethoscope was in the right place, of this he was sure, yet he still moved the thing around, telling himself that he had just made a mistake. He had been trying to conduct himself professionally until now, but he was losing his grip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Jaehyun whispered. “No no no no no.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small, warm hand on his shoulder stopped him from entering a spiral. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s gone, isn’t she?” Mrs. Khan had been so silent, Jaehyun didn’t realize that she was crying. He nodded, unable to make the official statement. The woman kneeled down and pet Jamun, her fur still shining as the light played on it. Everything was silent for a while. Jaehyun didn’t touch Jamun again. He couldn’t. He half expected her to jump up and smile, tongue hanging out as she tackled him for a hug. When he could finally form words again, he notified Mrs. Khan that he should get going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for coming. And thank you for caring for her all this time. I know you loved her, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun could only push out a small smile in response. Mind hazy, he pulled the woman into a quick hug. If he was this devastated, Jaehyun couldn’t begin to imagine how Mrs. Khan felt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After nearly running three red lights, Jaehyun decided that he was in no state to be driving. He pulled over in front of a convenience store and planted himself on the sidewalk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loss was something that, no matter how many times he faced it, Jaehyun could not deal with easily. Perhaps it was because the situation was bordering on familiar, or because his heart hadn’t healed from the first incident, but Jaehyun buried his face in his arms and the tears began to flow. In need of consolation, he desperately dialed his friends, but all lines went to voicemail. He cursed his timing and scrolled through his contacts. One name stuck out like a diamond glimmering among tons of grey rock. Would it be wrong to search for solace with him? Regardless, Jaehyun pressed the name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you busy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. You sound kind of… Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun explained his situation and how he was currently seated on a path beaten down by years of foot traffic. Johnny insisted on knowing his location, and within minutes had appeared before him. Jaehyun had just wanted him to lend an ear, but here he was, both mind and body. Johnny noticed the other’s eyes were puffier than usual and tinged darker. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to come all the way here,” Jaehyun sniffled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Johnny said, taking a seat beside him. “Do you want a drink?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not in the mood for alcohol.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who said anything about alcohol?” Johnny said, pointing inside the store. Jaehyun’s eye caught on a rather large slushie machine, multiple shades of liquid tumbling inside each compartment. Two minutes later, Johnny returned holding a cup in each hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t know if it was the best idea to get these at this hour,” Jaehyun said as he took a sip of his. Blue raspberry. Even with his years of colour vision, he hadn’t seen a raspberry that was blue. The cold of the drink paired well with the chilly night air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re still crying.” Johnny pulled his sleeve over his fist and patted the area under Jaehyun’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? Couldn’t feel it,” Jaehyun smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about the dog.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jamun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jamun,” Johnny corrected. “She must’ve been important to you.” Jaehyun nodded in confirmation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t be so broken up over it, I see it all the time as a vet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Johnny placed a hand on Jaehyun's back, gently rubbing it. “You’re allowed to be sad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It sucks,” Jaehyun huffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It does. I’m here to listen, if you need it. I’m here for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are…” Jaehyun leaned back to take a good look at Johnny. He hadn’t realized till now that Johnny was still in his pajama pants, a light coloured fabric with looney tunes characters printed all over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re here. All I wanted was to talk over the phone, but you show up in person and buy me a slushie,” he said, raising his drink. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m… sorry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, don’t apologize. You’re here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun looked right into Johnny’s eyes, examining them. His pupils, eyelashes, how often he blinked. He was too tired to be subtle anymore. Eventually, his gaze fell to Johnny’s lips. Full, a unique shape, and hopefully pink. How soft they looked in the glow of the fluorescent lights behind them. Johnny, who had simply been watching Jaehyun’s eyes wander in silence, leaned in closer. Jaehyun noticed that he wasn’t moving back. For the first time in a while, his mind was blank. No worries about the past or the future. He was in the present, and the present was right in front of him. All Jaehyun wanted to do before he had a chance to overthink was close the gap between them, but he was stopped by a palm flat against his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clearing this throat, Jaehyun apologized.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have nothing to be sorry about. I should be the one apologizing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Jaehyun blinked in confusion. He realized his voice was still raspy and cleared his throat again, this time trying to dampen the noise through his sleeve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like you, Jaehyun.” The words were like a punch to the gut. “But I think you’re vulnerable right now, and I don’t want… whatever was going to happen to be a result of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both men were flustered. Jaehyun didn’t know what to do with his newly received confession. The night ended with both of them awkwardly getting into their cars and driving off. Nothing more than a wave, no “see you later.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At his apartment, Jaehyun kicked his shoes off, grabbed Taeyong’s photo, and went straight to bed. He pulled his blanket up to his nose and placed Taeyong on the pillow beside him. It took a few tries before the frame stayed upright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid </span>
  </em>
  <span>am I?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had been five days since the little incident between Jaehyun and Johnny. Coincidentally, it had also been five nights where Jaehyun couldn’t fall asleep due to the same recurring scenario plaguing his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tomorrow, everyone was invited to go cake tasting with Ten and Kun. Jaehyun hadn’t told anyone, but he couldn’t be sure if the same was true for Johnny. If he had told anyone, chances are Jaehyun would have to face them as well, but even the indefinite dread of confrontation couldn’t keep Jaehyun from free cake.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bakery looked like a modern art installment. The sitting area was decorated with unreasonably comfortable couches and all the furniture, whether glass or plastic, was transparent. A few miniscule pieces of cake were set on the round table and awkward looks were passed around when it dawned on everyone that the slices could not be split between eight people. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought they’d give us more for the amount we paid,” Ten mumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess couples don’t generally bring six other people to tastings. Dig in!” Kun cut a fraction of the first slice with a fork. His eyes lit up upon cake-to-mouth contact and he shoved it in Ten’s direction, who had a similar reaction. One way or another everyone got a taste. The cycle repeated with all the slices on the table until nothing was left. Each cake was somehow better than the last- perfectly spongy, moist, not too sweet, and absolutely delectable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ma’am,” Yuta called the attendant over. “How well do you wash these dishes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not to worry sir, I can assure you that everything is sanitized to the point that one may think they’re unused,” the attendant said with a wide customer service smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wonderful,” Yuta said before grabbing a plate and licking the remaining green icing off of it. The attendant’s jaw dropped, looking as though she was not equipped to deal with this specific situation. Once the icing was gone, Yuta smacked his lips and let out a sigh of content.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway,” Ten diverted everyone’s attention, “What do you guys think? Kun likes the tuxedo but I’m kinda into the tiramisu.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like the red velvet,” said Irene.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Seulgi agreed, nodding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Green one gets a vote for me,” Yuta said, gazing wistfully at the plate in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like the tuxedo too,” Jaehyun said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is too much pressure,” Doyoung said, scraping chocolate crumbs off of his plate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Johnny? You’re cultured,” Ten said, looking at him expectantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d go with the tuxedo,” Johnny said. “Sounds wedding-y.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s three for tuxedo and one ‘too much pressure,’” Ten said, receiving a displeased look from Doyoung. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“By the way, everyone!” Ten clinked his glass with a spoon. “Before you leave, we wanna give you our invitations! They’re hot off the press. The other guests get theirs in the mail, but you’re special,” he said, wiping a fake tear from his eye. He leaned over the length of the table to hand out the smooth cardstock to everyone. Jaehyun ran his fingers over the paper and metallic embellishments. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What colour is this?” Jaehyun asked. It was visible on Ten’s face that he wasn’t expecting the question in a room full of non colour-visioned people, but Kun answered without missing a beat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The paper is ivory and the swirly things are gold.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun nodded, imagining it. Lately, it was harder to recall colours. He had to close his eyes for things to appear vibrant, and the return to black and white when he opened them was disheartening. The unbelievably pleasant texture of the paper almost distracted Jaehyun from seeing the date inscribed in a curling, flowing font.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“March ninth?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seulgi, Doyoung, and Yuta’s heads shot up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As everyone put their jackets on, Jaehyun slipped out of the crowd to wait in front of the building. The air was crisp and dry, with patches of snow on the ground. There had been a lot more snow this time last year. Doyoung was the next to step out, he had probably rushed out after finding that Jaehyun was missing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you ok with this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can’t make them change their wedding date. This is about them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but you have every reason to be upset.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun thought for a moment. Of course it was a shock to see the date at first, but there’s no way that Kun and Ten could have known that they had chosen to have their wedding on the anniversary of Taeyong’s death. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to talk to them?” Doyoung offered. Jaehyun shook his head,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Forget it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun stayed behind once all his friends’ cars were gone from the lot. All but one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you standing out in the cold?” Johnny asked, coming out of the bakery. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s calming.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny nodded like it was a good enough reason. He never prodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>`“Jaehyun, I was wondering if you have work tomorrow?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” He did, but Jaehyun didn’t want to give a solid answer before knowing Johnny’s intentions, though he was prepared to blow off his first day back at Jaesu for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, it’s just a nice evening. If you don’t have anything early in the morning I thought we’d spend some time out.” Jaehyun glanced at his phone. He had enough time. He’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>make </span>
  </em>
  <span>enough time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds good,” he smiled. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As it turns out, Johnny hadn’t driven to the bakery, anticipating that Jaehyun would agree to stay out with him. He felt that taking two cars was awkward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are we going, Johnny?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take a left up here,” Johnny flicked two fingers toward an intersection. A question dangled on the tip of Jaehyun’s tongue, held back only by fear of making a fool out of himself. When they finally reached the place Johnny was taking them to, he felt a bit safer asking it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this a date?” Jaehyun asked quietly, staring up at the giant, glowing KARAOKE sign. If Johnny heard him, he’d get an answer. If he didn’t, that was that. Jaehyun couldn’t be sure which was the case because Johnny didn’t give him a verbal response. Instead, he paused for a bit before taking Jaehyun’s hand, squeezing it as he led him inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One hour. For two, please,” Johnny held up his index finger to the person behind the counter. A young girl in a low ponytail and light polo shirt flashed the two a customer service smile before leading them to a small room, rather, a stall similar to a photobooth, only a tinge more spacious. There were props in a basket beside the seats- a paper mustache on a stick, various giant sunglasses, a beret, a glittery unicorn horn glued onto a headband, to name a few. Johnny thanked the girl before she left, smile leaving her face right after she wished them a good time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you don’t mind karaoke.” Jaehyun shrugs,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t done it in a while.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This place is my favourite ‘cause they have the most songs to choose from. What do you like?” Johnny asked while scrolling through the touch screen in front of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything, really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Liar.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter!” Jaehyun argued “I guess I tend to like slower songs?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Slow…” Johnny mumbled. “I know!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tv in front of them displayed a countdown from 3 after Johnny hit a button on the screen. A loud synth beat filled up the room, somehow drowned out by Johnny’s giggles. He could barely get the lyrics out as Jaehyun glared at him, thoroughly unimpressed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Johnny said, taking a deep breath in to stop his laughter. “You don’t like to Party Rock?” Jaehyun refused to dignify him with a response. “Ok, fine, I’ll put on something different.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A smile popped up on Jaehyun’s face as soon as the music began this time. The song brought back memories of his late teenage years, when he and his friends would skip out on parties in the name of studying, only to end up getting drunk and dancing with themselves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We've waited so damn long, we're sick and tired...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were an emo kid, weren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Johnny raised an eyebrow to a dramatic height. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>...I've got a collar full of chemistry from your company</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“So maybe tonight I’ll be,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he broke into song, lowering his voice way too much for the next line, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“The libertine.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun couldn’t help but be pulled into Johnny’s smile, the way it was so inviting. The two sang the chorus together, not bothering to stay in tune.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Show me your love, your love! Gimme more but it's not enough.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Show me your love, your love. Before the world catches up!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun let Johnny, who was dancing wildly in their limited space, take the next line. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“'Cause there's always time for second guesses, I don't wanna know. If you're gonna be the death of me, that's how I wanna go.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even joking around, Johnny’s voice was deep and sweet. That, plus the lyrics of the song made Jaehyun want to melt into a puddle and be wiped away by the employees of the karaoke place. The music continued to fill the air around them as Johnny beamed at Jaehyun, a little out of breath from thrashing around and bumping his head against the back wall a few times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, you don’t know any more of the lyrics?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their hour rushed by with every song, most of them being stopped before reaching the halfway point because Johnny had spotted a new, better one. Jaehyun had been unable to hold in this laughter while watching the other try and tut to Shinee’s Lucifer, failing miserably but not giving it a second thought. After that, Johnny had insisted that Jaehyun sing something and, once he finally did, spent five minutes complimenting his “beautiful voice” and asking why his ears were getting so red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have seven minutes left,” Johnny pointed out. “That went by fast, huh?” Jaehyun nodded in agreement. “Do you know this song?” Johnny asked, typing something into the search bar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but I’ve heard of this artist.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you’ll like this one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The song began with soft ringing, like the xylophones Jaehyun was made to play in grade school. The soothing sound was followed with low hums, undistinguishable whether they were coming from one man or a huge choir. Then came an organ, which seemed to be Johnny’s cue. He sang in a relaxed voice,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>난 너랑 있는 게 제일 좋아”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I like being with you the most.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the lyrics were about someone missing their loved one, uncertain and lonely, but Jaehyun couldn’t focus on the song with Johnny gazing into his eyes as though they were the last thing he’d ever see. Sometime while singing, he’d taken Jaehyun’s hand in his own, holding it softly without a grip. The song came to its climax, the sounds of piano and strings growing louder and louder as the same lyric from the beginning repeated itself. I like being with you the most. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I like being with you the most. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soon the words faded away and it was just music that replaced both their senses. The strings grew more intense still, releasing so much emotion into the moment that Jaehyun thought he’d explode. Johnny seemed to be feeling something similar, because next thing Jaehyun knew, he felt his head being turned and Johnny’s lips come crashing onto his. The kiss seemed to get deeper and deeper until Jaehyun couldn’t tell what was him and what was Johnny. The other’s lips were so soft and full, but moved with force and determination. Where was he trying to go? They had all the time in the world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You have 30 seconds left in the booth,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>the machine spoke up. Jaehyun hadn’t realized the song was over. They pulled apart and stared at the space in front of them, both too afraid to be the first one to speak up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should go,” Johnny cleared his throat. “Are you hungry?” he asked as they got back into Jaehyun’s car.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We just ate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. So…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny locked his eyes with Jaehyun’s for the first time since leaving the booth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We kissed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun coughed,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep. Yes we did.” He wanted to slap himself. It had been a wonderful moment and now here he was, sitting tense and stiff, unable to spit out some kind of affirmation for Johnny that he didn’t hate it. He liked it. He liked it so very much. Before his brain could understand where his body was going, he leaned closer, trying to find a place to put his hands so he didn’t lose balance. Johnny also shifted in his seat in an attempt to shorten the distance between them. He was first to close the gap between them with a peck on the lips. Jaehyun leaned back, meaning to say something but there wasn’t enough time before Johnny lunged forward and took Jaehyun into his arms, as much as he possibly could without accidentally putting the car in drive. It had been ages since Jaehyun had kissed someone and in the moment all that lost passion had come flooding back. The warmth and ease he felt while Johnny held him was addicting, and he became hooked immediately. If it were up to him, he’d never let go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny was the first to pull away this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you tired?” Jaehyun shook his head. Any trace of sleep had been wiped clean off of him. “There’s this arcade-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” Jaehyun hit the gas before Johnny could even give him directions, hoping the jerk of the car could shake him back into his senses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The arcade was built in a place that was clearly old from the outside, but the inside had been refurbished to look modern. It glowed with neon signs placed everywhere, Jaehyun thought they’d look very pretty in colour. The first game Johnny wanted to play was pinball, on a run-down machine that stood out like a sore thumb in the midst of all the other new, state-of-the-art games. Flipping maniacally through the obstacles, the ball finally swung into a goal. Before pulling out the tickets he’d won, Johnny looked around and told Jaehyun to warn him if anyone was coming. He pressed his foot against the machine, close to where the tickets were dispensed, and pulled slowly. The machine sputtered as he kept pulling, grabbing as many tickets as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This baby is so old it can’t stop you from cheating the system.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheating the- Johnny, you’re just stealing tickets.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck the law,” Johnny whispered as he tugged a final time, realizing he’d gotten the most out of the machine for that round. He grinned as he held up an impressive string of tickets and folded them up. “Can you get me a bucket from the front desk? I don’t wanna just hold on to these.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, sure.” Jaehyun weaved between games trying to find his way back through the maze of machines. He returned holding two buckets. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted bears or frogs, so I got both.” Johnny giggled at the plastic buckets and the patterns on them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bears, please. Come on, I know which game we can play next!” Clutching his frog bucket, Jaehyun was pulled to a duck shooting game, except the weapon was a thin stream of water. So focused on the rubber ducks, Jaehyun didn’t notice when Johnny turned his water gun to him and sprayed. Instead of spraying back, Jaehyun stuck his hand into the little pool in front of them and cupped it, flicking water right at Johnny’s face. An employee walked past them, too tired to notice or care. The water hadn’t gotten on the floor, so it wasn’t of any concern to them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Johnny, please, it’s been twenty minutes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun sighed and set his and Johnny’s buckets on the ground. They were both fairly full of tickets now, but Johnny was insistent on beating this game of Tetris. He’d come close quite a few times, but then the machine would sabotage him, as he so claimed. Another twelve minutes later, he had finally won. His 100 tickets came pouring out and the look on his face was so bright that Jaehyun almost didn’t mind the last 32 minutes he’d spent waiting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now we can go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun looked at his receipt after feeding his tickets into the counting machine and frowned. He could have sworn he had more. The person behind the prize counter pointed out the magnificent two and a half shelves he could choose prizes from. Eventually, he grabbed a couple candies, a keychain, and a multicoloured pen. Johnny had a lot more to cash in, but he was on the opposite counter, pointing at various things as a sleep-deprived man dragged them all out of their display cases. Jaehyun didn’t see what all of them were as he’d had them put in a plastic bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Happy with your winnings?” Johnny nodded happily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have something for you.” He stuck his arm in the bag and pulled out a stuffed fish the size of Jaehyun’s head. Its body was perfectly round and it had a cute little face with huge eyes sewn on. “Fish make good pets.” Jaehyun laughed as he was handed the fish. It was soft, the body made of some felt-like material.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. He’s beautiful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What will you name him,” Johnny asked, holding the door open for Jaehyun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. What do you think?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s your fish,” Johnny clicked his tongue. “You’ll think of something.” The air between them was clearer now, a lot less tense. The events from a few hours ago felt like they’d happened in a dream. “Mind if I play some music?” The two sped through the empty city streets as the song played loud.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If you're not in the right mood to sleep now then</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Come, take my arms and go</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'll be yours for sure</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s funny,” Johnny said, “I’m not in the mood to sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me neither, Jaehyun agreed, not feeling his own tired smile.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you don’t mind, I could come over?” Jaehyun glanced at Johnny, trying to figure out what he was implying. “Just to hang out,” Johnny said as though he’d read his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure. Yes. Yeah, why not. My apartment’s a bit of a mess, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind,” Johnny said softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leading Johnny into his apartment felt like a daunting task for Jaehyun. Suddenly he saw himself as a cave troll inviting a civilized human over for the first time. Up until now, he hadn’t realized how few people had been to his place since he got back from the hospital. In fact, no one he knew aside from Seulgi, Doyoung, and Yuta had even come as far as the lobby. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome,” Jaehyun turned the handle of his front door and pushed it </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>open. Johnny entered first, eyeing the place over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s really nice here,” he said, though Jaehyun assumed it was out of </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>politeness. Unlike Johnny’s place, you could see most of the apartment at first glance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, sit,” Jaehyun gestured to his sofa. It was then that he’d realized what </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>was about to happen. Taeyong’s photograph was there, facing the couch, smiling big and  proud. He’d gotten so used to not mentioning Taeyong, Jaehyun had forgotten to tell Johnny about him. Now would come the dreaded discussion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right on cue, Johnny’s head turned to the frame. His smile faded for a second before appearing again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun took a deep breath in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My boyfriend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny’s face dropped, whether he tried to hide it or not. “He passed away in March.” Johnny blinked, trying to process everything at once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said in a voice much quieter than his usual one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun gave him that pursed lip smile he had to give everyone else who came to know about Taeyong, preparing himself for further questions. But there were none. Johnny didn’t push further, he didn’t ask “how” or squeeze out any unwanted sympathy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna ask anything else?” Jaehyun asked, surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, do people usually? I just thought you wouldn’t want-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Jaehyun held back a huge sigh of relief. “It’s refreshing.” Johnny </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>copied his pursed lip smile and stayed silent for a while before asking,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s his name?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Taeyong.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a nice name. He… he looks sweet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was,” Jaehyun smiled before shaking himself back to reality. It must’ve </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>been awkward for Johnny, having come to Jaehyun’s apartment in hopes of god-knows-what only to be introduced to his deceased boyfriend. “Don’t feel like we have to talk about him. Nothing’s changed between us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>between us?” Johnny looked at Jaehyun, his expression flat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I should go. It’s late.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Johnny, what do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun couldn’t get in another word before Johnny let himself out. What stuck with him was the clear motion of going in for a hug that Johnny had made, like it was second nature. He’d pulled himself back and just touched Jaehyun’s shoulder instead before giving him a swift nod. Watching his door close, Jaehyun felt like the bit of intimacy they’d built up was slipping away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jaehyun woke up to a sunbeam that had found a crack in his blinds and chosen to rest on his face. He winced and yanked his pillow from under his head and used it to cover his eyes. Groggily opening his eyes, he stared at the darkness created by his pillowcase. Up until last night, he’d been ecstatic about returning to work. At least there weren’t many appointments scheduled for today, so he could spend the next few hours fretting and hoping his phone would buzz with a call or text from Johnny. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The new building was the polar opposite of the original Jaesu, looking more </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>sleek and modern. Everyone was happy to decide that this time they would buy furniture that wasn’t secondhand. Stepping into the building, Jaehyun’s mood was lifted. He felt like he had unwrapped a present that he’d known about all along, yet been overjoyed at the sheer act of finally being able to open it. Everything was brand new and shiny. He took a deep breath in, the smell of antibacterial spray fresh and present. The door behind him swang open, allowing a gust of winter air to make its way in. Before Jaehyun could even turn around, he was greeted with a screech and someone shaking him violently by the shoulders. He grabbed the hands and spun himself around, jumping up and down to mimic the other person. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seulgi, I’m excited about being back too, but damn,” Jaehyun said, still jumping. Seulgi finally settled on one level, but only to grab Jaehyun’s face and screech again, softer and shorter this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so beautiful!” she exclaimed, running off behind the receptionist’s counter. Jaehyun heard her whisper an “oh my god” and the violent rustling of patient files. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have a white russian for breakfast again? You know that doesn’t count as a dairy product.” Jaehyun leaned over the counter just in time to see Seulgi toss a file aside and leap up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Jae I’m completely sober. And I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick </span>
  </em>
  <span>of white things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve finally snapped, huh?” he took her by the wrists so she couldn’t run off again. Seulgi shook herself free and took a deep breath in. Her smile was so intense that Jaehyun could no longer see the whites of her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Irene is my soulmate,” she said before bursting into another squeal. Seulgi hugged Jaehyun with the force of an industrial clamp and spun around with him a few times before setting him down. While he was being whirled around like liquid in a blender, Jaehyun had time to go through both shock and comprehension. He steadied himself before getting to his senses and congratulating her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have colour vision now? How does it feel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything is beautiful, Jaehyun. The evergreens are so… green! Though I thought the sky would be more vibrant.” She was calmer now, at least on the outside considering she’d stopped vibrating in her skeleton. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet. Winter, colour wise, is the blandest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’ll lose my mind in spring. The things I’ve heard about flowers!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, we could go to a grocery store and look at the flowers there,” Jaehyun offered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You beautiful, technicolour genius, you!” Seulgi cried out before hugging him again. While pulling apart, she commented on how Jaehyun should stop wearing black shirts. She’d seen enough shades of grey for a lifetime. “Anyway, Irene and I wanna celebrate tonight. We’re getting everyone together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t that short notice?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When have any of us really been busy?” She had a point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who else have you told?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one else on my end. I just knew I couldn’t be around you all day and keep it a secret. I’ve been ignoring Doyoung’s texts and it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>killing </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d he say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He asked if I wanted to grab coffee before work. I really did, it’s a shame.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two paused their conversation to greet Riya when she entered, grumbling something in response before heading straight to her office. She had never been much of a morning person. Jaehyun noticed the way Seulgi’s eyes lit up before she power-walked to Riya, narrowly escaping a cursing-out by informing her of her newly acquired colour vision. A series of excited screams blasted out of the office before Seulgi returned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you weren’t telling anyone else yet?” Jaehyun questioned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyone we’re seeing tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see. Who’d you invite?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The usual,” Seulgi said, intently flipping through magazines in the waiting room. “Us, Ten, Kun, Johnny. Oh, and Sehun. That’s it. Holy shit, blue lipstick?” She turned the page she was looking at around to face Jaehyun. “This </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>blue, isn’t it?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at Seulgi before she remembered who she was talking to. “Oh. My bad!” she giggled. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The restaurant Irene and Seulgi had chosen was bustling with young customers eager to get the next photo for their up-and-coming food blogs. A few older people at the door were complaining about how long they had been waiting, though Jaehyun had seen them come in not five minutes ago. Even with a reservation, the group had to wait for their table to be prepared. When they were finally shown to their table, they had to slip and dodge between other customers as if they were obstacles in a maze. Jaehyun concluded that Irene had contributed more to choosing this restaurant than Seulgi, who was usually satisfied in the presence of a hotdog stand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice place,” Doyoung said as a hurrying waitress brushed the back of his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, guys,” Irene gave an apologetic smile, “I didn’t expect it to be so crowded on a weekday.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If the food is as good as I’ve heard, it doesn’t matter,” Yuta yanked open a menu.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t guess what half of these are,” Ten squinted, examining the item names. “I hate hipster food.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Close your eyes and pick one, babe,” Kun said, reaching to squeeze Ten’s arm. Seulgi smacked Yuta’s menu down, much to his irritation, and clinked her empty glass with a fork.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone, I’m sure you’re wondering why we invited you here tonight.” A collective mumble of “not really” and “we do this sort of thing a lot” went around the table. “Anyway,” Seulgi cleared her throat. Jaehyun could see the excitement bubbling up in her again. She nudged Irene, who took over with sparkling eyes. She had the same muted smile on her face as the first night they’d all met, when a very drunk Seulgi clung to her and told bad jokes all night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This morning, Seulgi and I woke up with colour vision.” Her smile was full-fledged now, the apples of her cheeks glowing. Eyes widened and congratulations came in from all around. Yuta slapped Seulgi’s back so hard it forced a cough out of her, followed by him apologizing profusely and trying to dump water down her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, how does it feel?” Ten asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s more stunning than I could have imagined,” Irene sighed. “I’ll admit I cried when I saw Seulgi in that morning light. The green streaks in her hair and her brown eyes in the sun....” Her smile grew with every word spoken. Jaehyun recalled his own similar experience. There was truly nothing akin to seeing colour for the first time. Although it made no impact on one’s daily life, it was something special to know you were one of the fortunate people who had found their soulmate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good for you, Joohyun, I’m happy for you,” Sehun beamed. His smile was menacingly symmetrical.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny’s eyes flickered to where Jaehyun was sitting. With all the pushing, they hadn’t been able to sit beside each other. He mouthed something to Jaehyun, who couldn’t quite make it out. Johnny dismissed it, mouthing “later.” Dinner was simply a filler between conversation, most of which was regarding colour vision. It had been the same for Jaehyun and Taeyong at first. The five friends had spent a day downtown, allowing Taeyong and Jaehyun to explore while Doyoung, Seulgi, and Yuta trailed behind them like puppy dogs. Their questions about colour vision never seemed to end, each of them asking “What about that?” with every object they passed. Jaehyun noticed that Yuta and Doyoung weren’t talking about the subject as much as the others. He leaned to Yuta and summoned for Doyoung to do the same, whispering,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You guys know I don’t mind you talking about CV, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Doyoung whispered back, “We just got all our questions out with you and Yong, I guess.” By the look on their faces, Jaehyun wondered how he hadn’t realized it before. They were the only ones among the five of them, including Taeyong, who hadn’t met their soulmates yet. For some, not having their soulmate was a touchy subject area, but Yuta and Doyoung had never seemed to be bothered by it before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yuta,” Jaehyun called out. The chatter around them had grown. It was difficult to hear the person beside you, Jaehyun discovered after it took three tries for Yuta to realize he was being addressed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you go on that date with Kun’s friend yet?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did, why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just wondering. You didn’t tell me,” he frowned. “How’d it go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s a sweet guy,” he checked to make sure Kun wasn’t paying attention, “But I’m gonna be honest, the conversation wasn’t all that. At least he made up for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How? Wait. On the first date?” Jaehyun was surprised. Yuta clicked his tongue and winked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Woke up the next morning with a slight headache and a text that said he’d gone to work. Weird, considering I didn’t even drink that much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When did you wake up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh… around three,” Yuta mumbled. Jaehyun chuckled,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should go out with him again. Doesn’t hurt to try.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I tried with she-who-shall-not-be--named and that didn’t exactly work out now, did it?” Jaehyun thought for a moment,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mistakes happen.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yuta grunted something that sounded like agreement before finishing what was in his glass and raising his hand for a refill. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When all the plates were empty and Yuta was on his fourth glass of wine, it was decided that everyone should get going. Doyoung dragged a begrudging Yuta to his car and pushed him into the backseat. Had it been anyone else, Jaehyun would have ran to help, but it had become a right of passage between his friends to be flung into a backseat at least once. All of them had surpassed “once.” Everyone drove off as Jaehyun peered up at the sky. His whole life he’d hated how quickly it darkened in winter. It was barely past seven, yet all the artificial lights in the city were on. Finally he saw what he had unknowingly been waiting for. Glowing brighter than any of the city lights, Johnny came out of the restaurant, Sehun right behind him. The two were talking like in any other conversation, but something was different. Unlike the other times Jaehyun had seen them interact, Sehun was keeping his distance. His hands remained in the pockets of his expensive, unwrinkled coat instead of on Johnny’s arm or back. He was smiling, but not as brightly as before. When they said goodbye, he didn’t go in for the usual hug. It was a quick nod, and he was off. Jaehyun wasn’t sure whether to feel relief or worry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny spotted Jaehyun and spes through the parking lot to meet him.</span>
</p>
<p><span>“Hey,”</span> <span>he said softly. He didn’t seem upset, but Jaehyun wasn’t ready to relax.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi. What were you saying earlier?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were just talking about a photoshoot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” It took Jaehyun a second to realize that Johnny had misunderstood. “No, I meant to me. From across the table?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, that. It kind of worked out I guess, I was asking if we could talk later.” Jaehyun gestures outward with his arms,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here we are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. Right. Jaehyun-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re wondering why I never told you about Taeyong.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny looked surprised. Either Jaehyun was wrong, or he was exactly right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah… I know it’s yours to tell and everything but I just… I don’t know, I thought we were close?” Johnny’s voice simultaneously got higher and quieter as he spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Johnny, I didn’t have a problem with telling you. I’m just so used to not mentioning it to people, I forgot to tell you.” He took a moment to think before adding, “We </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>close.” Johnny let out a small breath, but something still seemed to trouble him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we walk?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun was cold. He was tired. He agreed to take a walk. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The scenery was subpar, after all they were only strolling around the perimeter of the restaurant, and Jaehyun was buzzing with anticipation- not the good kind. Johnny still looked like he was holding something in, which Jaehyun didn’t know him to do. They had been making casual conversation, more awkward than when they first met, and their steps were struggling to remain in sync. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So the reason I went to your apartment that night,” Johnny started. Jaehyun didn’t know if he wanted to hear the rest. “Is because I have some news and I wanted us to have fun before I told you. Though, I don’t know why I thought you’d be affected by it,” he muttered. He looked at Jaehyun for assurance to continue on and received it from a gentle nod. “I’m going to Korea. For a big project. I don’t know how long it’ll take. I wanted to leave you with a good memory.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not like you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Both of them froze for a second, wondering if that statement was appropriate. Jaehyun wasn’t going to say it, but the news had definitely affected him. Damn it, Johnny knew him too well. He felt a weight on his back that he hadn’t noticed was missing for a while. “When are you leaving?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“January. First. It was supposed to be this week, actually, but I pushed back the date because I didn’t want to leave y- something came up.” Jaehyun puffed his cheeks and let out a long breath, watching the air in front of him turn foggy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you.” It was a risky thing to say with the way things were going at the moment but apparently the right thing, based on how all the muscles in Johnny’s face relaxed after hearing it. “What will you do until then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hang around, I guess.” At that moment Jaehyun wished he wasn’t a self-proclaimed “quiet kid,” because all he wanted to do was scream “Be with me!” The words just wouldn’t come out. He had been so tense after Johnny leaving that night that he was worried he’d somehow mess up again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” Jaehyun said. He felt like a fool, but Johnny’s smile was slowly coming back. The confidence, the warmth. It had all returned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I see you again before I leave?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Jaehyun spat out before he could even think of the word in his brain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great,” Johnny said. And he smiled. It was so nice to see that smile. It had barely been a day, but Jaehyun had missed it so much his heart had been feeling like a rock in his ribcage. “You’ll miss me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun blinked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. I have fun times with you.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fun times?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have… fun times. Got it. I have fun times with you too, Jaehyun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun felt a smile on his own lips. It was happening more often these days and he didn’t mind it. Not in the least. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweetheart, please leave the jello shots </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Irene begged while taking a little plastic container out of Seulgi’s hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have been sso busy I deserf this,” Seulgi slurred. Jaehyun could see that Irene’s own cheeks were a little flushed, but she was taking it easy for her girlfriend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After an intense game of rock paper scissors, Ten had been bestowed the honour of throwing a new years party. There were a few new faces among the ones Jaehyun already knew, but he hadn’t bothered to introduce himself with anyone. All he cared about was one, and he wasn’t here yet. Despite their last conversation, Jaehyun and Johnny hadn’t seen each other in a week. Jaesu had gotten a lot of new clients, a perk of the new location- or at least that’s what Jaehyun tried to tell himself after being scratched by the fourth over-pampered cat one day- and Johnny was busy preparing… whatever he had to prepare. They’d texted, of course, and facetimed a few times before eventually making up lazy excuses to end the call because, poor Jaehyun, he couldn’t carry a conversation through video for the life of him. At least Johnny hadn’t seemed to mind when Jaehyun had placed the camera in front of him and silently cut onions for fifteen minutes. It would have been faster, but he kept stopping every few seconds to wipe off tears. After he was done, Johnny admitted that he was waiting to see if he’d accidentally rub onion juice into his eyes, which prompted Jaehyun to disconnect and not answer the next three calls. Long story short, they were comfortable again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My guy, you keep staring at the door like it’s gonna give you the answers to the universe,” Yuta handed Jaehyun a red solo cup full of suspicious coloured liquid.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just try it,” he insisted. Jaehyun took a cautious sip, gagging as soon as the thing hit his taste buds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you feeding me rat poison?” Jaehyun exclaimed while running to the kitchen sink to run his tongue under the tap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s tequila mixed with gin mixed with coffee mixed with ketchup and just a dash of dish soap.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wahy?” Jaehyun asked with his tongue sticking out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doyoung bet me five dollars I couldn’t get you to drink it. Honestly I thought I’d lose, you almost never accept drinks from me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wah ohf guard,” Jaehyun gave his mouth a final rinse. “Never again, Nakamoto.” He began to tip the cup over the sink but Yuta stopped him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doie said five bucks </span>
  <em>
    <span>per person</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m trying Seul next.” He walked off merrily to his next unsuspecting victim, leaving Jaehyun alone to resume his intense staring at the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After an eternity of nibbling on mini pretzels that were in a bowl in front of him, Jaehyun’s could swear that the world flashed with colour for a second. There he was, coming into the house with a chunky coat and beanie pulled so low it didn’t make sense for Jaehyun to recognize him that fast. Nevertheless, how could he </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>recognize the one person who always towered over everyone in the room. The one person whose face had been presenting itself in his mind over and over again for the past week. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun!” he yelled, pulling his beanie off. He fixed his now wild hair with a quick ruffle and hung up his jacket before coming to meet him. Looking at his outfit, Jaehyun felt underdressed- and he had worn Taeyong’s clothes again, meaning he’d made a real effort. The two stood a foot away from each other and Jaehyun wondered if he should lean in for a hug… a handshake? A high five, maybe. His brain did this every time he was around Johnny, it refused to work. Jaehyun wasn’t sure how long had passed before Johnny took it upon himself to initiate a hug, squeezing so hard that Jaehyun could feel his necklace- a possibly silver chain with a small padlock- against his chest. Ask him three minutes ago and Jaehyun would have called it tacky, but Johnny somehow made it look like the queen’s jewels. He had worn it as the cherry on top of a dark blazer and mock turtleneck, which had the texture of a sweater but none of the warmth. Explains why his jacket was so heavy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good to see you,” Johnny said, pulling away. “I mean in person,” he flashed his beautiful smile. Jaehyun took a deep breath in, telling himself to get it together. The last time his heart fluttered like this over someone, he’d locked himself in his dorm trying to convince himself it was because of the daily breakfast burritos. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too. I was wondering if you’d show up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny glanced at his watch, the same kind of shade as his necklace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m pretty late huh? Sehun and I were on a call with the team in Korea, we just got so caught up in the discussion. Man, I’m so excited to show you when these ideas come to life-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re gonna show me?” Jaehyun’s lips stretched ever so slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course! My closest friends get a sneak peak before the official release.” Jaehyun cocked his head to the side. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Friend? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Did he often kiss his </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> like that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you get to see it even before them,” Johnny finished. Jaehyun nodded, satisfied. “Wanna get some snacks?” Johnny asked. Jaehyun glanced at his fingers, not completely rid of pretzel salt, and politely declined.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” someone exclaimed from across the room. Guests turned their heads to see Kun spit into a napkin and grab Yuta by the shirt, attempting to feed him his own concoction from hell. Jaehyun was mildly worried that Yuta may meet his end at the hands of Kun, until the man whose name he’d forgotten separated the two. Yuta kissed him on the cheek, gratefully, but clearly regretted the action as soon as the man put him in a headlock so that Kun was free to take a spoonful of the liquid and shove it into Yuta’s mouth. He sputtered and cursed them both out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll taste like shit when I make out with you, Sicheng!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah, yes,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun thought.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Sicheng.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a boring moment in this house,” Johnny giggled at the sight. Jaehyun sighed happily before remembering what he was trying to keep his mind off of.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have a time frame yet?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right. It’s for the special edition spring issue of a magazine, so I’ll be back before it’s in stores. Honestly, once we finish the shoot they won’t need me in person any more.” Jaehyun wanted to tell him to take the pictures the day after he went and be done with it. “It’ll just be easier for me to oversee the issue while I’m there. Time difference and everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. I’m proud of you. This is a big deal, right?” Jaehyun tried to make it sound like he remembered everything Johnny had told him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Johnny assured. “I’ll text you a lot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll text you a lot, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny took Jaehyun’s hands and said nothing for a while. Jaehyun didn’t mind. The noise of the people around them drowned out when Johnny looked into his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we a thing?” Jaehyun asked. He froze, not expecting to have said that out loud. He rubbed the fabric of Taeyong’s shirt, a button-up he remembered as navy blue with speckled white dots. He still felt the urge to apologize to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we a th-” Johnny looked just as surprised. If not at the question, at Jaehyun’s directness. “I was hoping so.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then... we are?” Jaehyun asked, much quieter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then we are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny slowly put an arm around Jaehyun’s waist, prepared to stop at any sign, but he wasn’t given one. Jaehyun’s body was tense, but his mind was at ease. This felt good. It felt right. He tried to ignore the little voice in his head that insisted that it was wrong to subject Taeyong, or his shirt, to this. But it was harmless. He had worked too hard to allow himself to like Johnny, he couldn’t give into the voice. Everything was fine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone!” A kind but assertive voice caused the whole room to go silent. Irene stood under the clock in the living room, pointing with her newly manicured finger to where the big hand was. 11:59, as Johnny determined after some intense squinting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get your new years kisses ready!” Seulgi giggled, hugging Irene from behind. Couples squeezed each other’s hands and the single people groaned, some teaming up for the fun of it. Yuta grinned mischievously at Sicheng, who was already pulling out a crumpled pack of gum from his pocket. Jaehyun watched, amused as Sicheng popped out all the pieces that remained and practically slapped them into Yuta’s mouth. He kept the grin with his first few chews until the overwhelming mintiness started making his eyes water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What an </span>
  <em>
    <span>interesting</span>
  </em>
  <span> relationship they have,” Johnny observed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yuta really likes him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He told you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ten!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The guests yelled collectively, making a tipsy Ten jump in surprise. Kun laughed his majestic laugh and squeezed Ten tighter with one arm, setting down his drink onto the nearest surface. At the same moment, Johnny took Jaehyun’s hand in his own, sending the latter reeling. He tried to get a hold of himself, after all he’d done this before. Twice. But never so publicly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Eight!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny was looking at him in that way that made him want to turn into a Jaehyun coloured puddle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Six!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was just going to kiss the guy he liked. It was normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Four!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Three!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was nothing to feel guilty about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Two!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shouldn’t be thinking about him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“One! Happy new year!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny pulled Jaehyun close. It wasn’t a moment of impulse like the other times. It was completely thought out.. There was nothing messy about it. No rush. Jaehyun took the moment in before deepening the kiss, trying to distract himself with Johnny. Johnny’s lips on his. Johnny’s hair between his fingers. Johnny’s hands on his body. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Johnny. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But his efforts were overpowered by his ever so insensitive brain, filling his mind with the last new year’s party and the one before that. And the one before that. The ones where he had been kissing Taeyong, running his fingers through Taeyong’s hair, feeling Taeyong’s hands on his skin. He furrowed his brows and pressed himself harder into Johnny, hoping the other might absorb him whole and save him from his wicked memories. Meanwhile his friends, after pecking their partners on the lips save for Yuta who insisted on dipping Sicheng like “that one picture with the nurse and milkman or whatever,” were staring dumbfounded at him and Johnny. When they pulled apart Jaehyun saw the wide eyes and realized that he may have failed to mention that anything had happened between them. He really needed to be the one to start conversations more often. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Jaehyun said sheepishly, dabbing his lips with the back of his hand. Seulgi looked like she’d sobered up completely in the last second. Doyoung wasn’t blinking, as though he was afraid it would snap him back to whatever reality he’d escaped from. Even Yuta was speechless for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well </span>
  </em>
  <span>then,” Doyoung scoffed. He glanced at Ten and Irene who hadn’t reacted at all. Seulgi joined Doyoung in interrogating Irene with her unwavering gaze. It was safe to assume Johnny had told his friends already. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good- good for you dude,” Yuta stumbled on his words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So uh,” Jaehyun mumbled. So many things had been slipping his mind lately. “Yeah.” He looked at his friends for forgiveness, and they granted it. Seulgi broke into a huge smile and Doyoung came over and slapped his back so hard he thought his spine would fly out of his mouth. “I deserved that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes you did. I’m happy for you, Jae.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Saying goodbye at the airport was, for lack of better words, awkward. The night before had been long and blurry. Jaehyun wasn’t sure how much alcohol he’d consumed, all he knew was that he woke up surrounded by an outline of empty jello cups that looked like the white chalk outline that would surround bodies in old crime movies. He’d kissed Johnny goodbye and watched him go in silence, partly because no words could make it easier and partly because talking </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun pictured himself running to the gates as the hero in a romantic drama, dripping with water from the storm outside, abs shining through a scandalously sheer, white shirt. His lover would turn around when he yelled his name and drop his bag, inconveniently holding up the line, but no one would care because he’d start his big speech on why his lover shouldn’t go off without him and best of all… his lover would listen. Unfortunately, Johnny had already disappeared behind the doors. Jaehyun could vaguely see something that resembled the colour of his coat walking through the tunnel that led to the plane.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun wished Taeyong’s photo a happy new year before setting his phone down beside it. The contact with the table lit up the screen. </span>
  <em>
    <span>4 missed calls from mom. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun cursed under his breath and swiped the notification, ready to be chewed out. The phone barely rang once before his mother picked up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, hey. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up, I was dropping a friend at the airport. Happy new year.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun, are you sitting down?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, why?” He could hear his mother take a deep breath. “Mom?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun had driven so fast to Jaesu that he was sure there’d be a few speeding tickets waiting for him in the mail that weekend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jae?” Seugli was there in the waiting room, aptly named.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just have to get my stuff. I’m so sorry about this, it’s so sudden and-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweetie, it’s your family. Don’t apologize. We’ll be fine here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know when I’ll be back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to… I have to be there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She kissed him on the cheek and walked him to his office, not forcing any conversation as they both packed a few things into a plastic bag. A text to Yuta and Doyoung and he was on his way to the airport for the second time that day. Of all the ways he could have joined Johnny in Korea, this was the furthest thing from the top of the list. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>With nothing but a backpack and the clothes he was wearing earlier that day, Jaehyun landed. His phone was almost dead, he hadn’t been able to find his charger under the pile of everything he’d stuffed in the bag. Even after booking the soonest and shortest flight available, it had seemed much too long. His leg had been bouncing the whole time and he had barely been able to blink, let alone sleep. The air hostess had cut him off after his fifth coffee, which at that point was three too many. Now his leg was bouncing in the taxi and he was staring at his frail little phone just in case the call he was so dreading popped up- but it’d be fine, right? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door opened as soon as his knuckles had hit it the first time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My baby!” His mother pulled him into a hug. She was squeezing the air out of his lungs but he would have let her, gladly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you? How’s dad?” Her eyes were clearly brimming with water but she collected herself with a single breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s okay. We’re both okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a while since Jaehyun had come home, but everything was exactly as he’d left it. Not a single item was out of place, not so much as a tilted picture frame. His mother had always liked things to be a certain way. She led him to the room his dad was in and stopped in front of the door. It was open a sliver, not enough to see inside but she still wouldn’t look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go in. I’ll get dinner ready.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, it’s 6am,” he said softly. When she looked up at him, he could tell her eyes were puffy. He hadn’t seen his mom cry in the time after losing his colour vision, which was frankly a relief. There was something unbearably heartbreaking about the redness in one’s eyes after they had been pushing out tears for a long time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Breakfast then. For my Jaehyunnie. You need to eat.” Her mind was elsewhere. Jaehyun waited until she was out of sight before going into the room. The picture of the three of them that his dad loved so much was still on the nightstand, directly facing the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad?” He stepped closer to his father, feeling every centimeter of his feet touch the ground and lift off again. “Dad,” he called again. His dad grumbled and shifted a bit before opening his eyes. His dry lips cracked into a thin smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got here fast,” he mumbled. His words didn’t quite sound like words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got on the first plane over.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t need to whisper.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes you did,” his dad patted the side of his bed, fingers barely lifting up. “I would’ve been upset if you didn’t.”Jaehyun smiled and sat down, taking his dad’s hand in his own. He’d always had cold fingers, but this time they were warm. It was an odd change. He pressed the back of his free hand to his father’s forehead and the man crossed his brows. “I feel like a baby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have a fever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a fever,” he said in retaliation. Jaehyun rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want some soup or anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soup is for old people who can’t chew. Get me a steak.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe for dinner,” Jaehyun chuckled. His father looked at him for a moment- quite a few moments, actually. Jaehyun was about to put a finger under his nose to check if he was breathing but the man spoke up,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could’ve stayed there, you know. I’m fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You had a heart attack.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m still here!” the old man laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted to come. Mom can’t take care of you alone.” His dad grumbled, never one for arguments. He asked about Jaehyun’s friends and how they were, about the clinic and the usual. The answers weren’t much different than every other time he’d been asked the exact same things. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Good. Fine. Seulgi has a girlfriend now, soulmate actually. Yeah. She’s great. No, Yuta hasn’t grown up. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Parents had a tendency to be repetitive. After a while his mother knocked on the door and called for him to eat something. He didn’t want to leave but his father insisted he get cleaned up- rather, he kept calling him “stinky” until it annoyed Jaehyun into leaving. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was nothing as filling, mentally of physically, as his mom’s cooking. Jaehyun ate everything she’d prepared before he even realized the plates were empty. He’d trade all the onion rings in the world to be able to eat his mom’s food regularly again. His mother sat quietly at the table, picking at the placemats while he washed the dishes. She was looking at one particular spot of the wall until she noticed that Jaehyun’s sleeves were getting wet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Roll up your sleeves,” she scolded as she did it for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They fell.” He wiped the last dish and set it on the rack to dry, which his mom insisted on straightening. “Mom, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your father had a heart attack.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean what’s wrong with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re spacey… you’re focused on something else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not focused, Jaehyun. My mind is rushing. It won’t stop,” she said through gritted teeth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk to me, mom. That’s why I’m here.” Her lips quivered as she sat back down. It was something Jaehyun got from her, wanting to say everything that was on his mind but the words stopping at the tip of his tongue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I’m a liar. I’m a terrible wife, I’m a terrible person.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you thinking about this again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t stopped thinking about it, Jaehyun! Since the moment he proposed, the moment I had you, through all the anniversaries and every. Single. Day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When your father collapsed, I was so scared. I was scared that he would die. I was scared that he would die without me ever getting a chance to be honest with him. And now that he’s ok I’m beyond relieved, but I have to tell him, Jaehyun. Now I’m scared that he’ll hate me. What if he hates me so much it kills him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When’s the last time you slept?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re spiralling, you need rest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes! Come on, I’m tucking you in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jung Yuno!” His mother resisted all the way until he had gotten her into his old bed. She didn’t want to disturb her husband, or so she claimed. Being in his childhood bedroom all of a sudden made Jaehyun feel like a fifteen year old again. There was a time when both his parents were sick and bed ridden, leaving him to take care of them. They’d eaten his over-salted and undercooked hot meals without complaint, even said that that was what had cured them. Growing up, Jaehyun only had his parents and his parents only had him. The way his heart had dropped upon receiving the call from his mother, he’d almost passed out on the spot. Now that he’d seen his father for himself, he was finally able to calm down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After taking a shower, Jaehyun could barely continue standing. The clock said it was nearly 8am. His internal clock, on the other hand, insisted that it was time to sleep. He wanted to beat jet lag as fast as possible, but his body refused to comply. A little nap wouldn’t hurt. Of course when he woke eight hours later he regretted the earlier thought. Jaehyun groaned and rolled over on the couch, jumping a foot high when he saw his mother standing over him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve been sleeping too long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jet lag.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No excuse. Don’t you dare stay up late tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Momm</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jaehyun whined. With his parents, he was nothing but a well-built teenager. “Dad awake?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. I took him dinner a while ago, go see if he’s done. He might be waiting for you to feed him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What makes you say that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He told me. But don’t tell him I told you.” She smoothed out his hair before leaving the room. Jaehyun felt the area she had fixed. No one else did that for him, it was a strange but welcome feeling after all this time. His body still felt heavy, a sign that the sleep had been exquisite. He smiled to himself, happy that his mom wasn’t avoiding his dad anymore- not as much at least. She was still worrying, you didn’t have to be related to her to see that. Still in bed, his dad was leaned up against the headboard with the tray of food on the nightstand. The plates seemed to be untouched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun-ah, come here! I’ve been waiting for you to wake up. This poor little man can’t feed himself, do him a favour and help him,” his father slumped to make himself look weaker. Jaehyun smirked, these were his usual tactics. He’d put on a whole show before outright saying “I missed you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t the food cold now?” Jaehyun spooned a piece of fish into his father’s mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If’s foine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Finish chewing,” Jaehyun slapped his arm. His dad swallowed,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re just like your mother. I thought you’d be like me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom says the opposite,” he loaded the spoon with vegetables. “Speaking of, has she been ok?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Considering she wasn’t in the hospital two days ago, I think yes.” Jaehyun cocked his head to the side and retreated the spoon just as his father was about to take a bite. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what I mean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I know something’s off. But the woman was scared, you know. Kept talking about how she has nothing but me and you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In the ambulance. I was in and out of consciousness.” Jaehyun offered him some rice, but he stared blankly at it. “She kept calling herself a liar. Part of me thinks I stayed so I could curse her out for saying such a thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t wonder why she would say that?” His dad was silent. His eyes crinkled at the sides, the way they did when he was holding back a smile or tears. It could’ve been both in the moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Jaehyun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that she’s not my soulmate. Not on paper, anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How?” Jaehyun almost yelled. Both of them watched the door to see if she would come in at the outburst. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve been together almost thirty years, son. If I didn’t know I wouldn’t be much of a husband.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you say anything? It kills her, keeping it a secret. She thinks it’ll kill you!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured she’d tell me when she wanted to. To be honest, I don’t think about it that much anymore. We love each other. More than anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have to tell her. It’s eating her alive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will,” his dad whispered. “Just give it a moment.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s been a million moments. Do it </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m eating!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean after,” he shoved more fish into his mouth. “Once you’re done, I’m going to tell her to come in here and you’re gonna talk ti her. She deserves peace of mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun… What if she hates me? For never bringing it up. I’m not stable enough for a divorce,” he tapped on his heart twice with a finger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If she wanted to leave you she wouldn’t have pretended to have CV for thirty years.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun watched through a crack in the door as his mother took a seat beside his father. He took her hands and they stayed like that for a minute. Jaehyun wondered if they could sense exactly what the other was feeling without words, like a power that had developed over all these years. Eventually his father cleared his throat. He looked madly nervous, and his mother the same. He spoke so softly that Jaehyun couldn’t hear a word, but he didn’t need to. His mother clasped her hands over her mouth, shrivelling into herself. Instinctively, his father jerked forward to hold her, but he fell backward again because of the pain that still camped in his body. Now she was the one to hold him. She lay her head on his chest and Jaehyun could see the tears glisten in the light of the lamp. What he heard before deciding to leave them alone was a choked out “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With his parents in need of privacy, Jaehyun figured it was a good time to call Johnny. He picked up his phone for the first time since getting home and was shocked at the number of missed notifications he had. A couple calls from Seulgi, texts from Doyoung and Yuta, even one from Irene. He scrolled through all of them to find what he wanted to see: </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>johnny </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Missed call (2). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Missed Facetime call</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He swiped on the notification and watched himself in the front camera, adjusting the angle and his hair at the same time. He wished he’d taken the time to stop looking like an old raccoon before calling back, but what’s done was done. Johnny picked up with his signature beaming smile,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Finally I see your face.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry it took so long, something came up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You good?” Johnny’s eyes flashed to the top of his screen. “It’s like 4am, isn’t it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About that… I have to tell you something.” Johnny looked concerned but he excused himself from someone beside him, saying he’d be back in a minute. Jaehyun watched the mess on the screen as Johnny got up and settled in another room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m kind of in Korea right now,” Jaehyun waited for a response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Johnny didn’t blink. Jaehyun explained the situation, what had happened to his dad, how he’d gotten a call from his mother minutes after getting home from dropping Johnny off. Also how he’d passed out during the entire stretch of daylight before waking up an hour ago. “Jesus, Jaehyun, I’m so sorry. I’m glad he’s ok.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’d have thought we’d be in the same country so soon again?” Jaehyun chuckles awkwardly. “But how are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Just settled in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you? I could visit your hotel tomorrow, if you want that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m not in a hotel. I mean I was supposed to be, but Sehun cancelled it last minute. I’m staying with him.” Jaehyun wondered if his eye was twitching too aggressively. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice of him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, his house is </span>
  <em>
    <span>insane</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Last time he was staying in a penthouse, I didn’t think it was possible to upgrade but,” he reached over and grabbed something, holding it up for Jaehyun to see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A coaster?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“An expensive coaster! Eighty five dollars a set. And he has four sets. Jaehyun, I don't know about you but I don’t even use coasters.” Jaehyun also did not use coasters- he definitely couldn</span>
  <span>’t imagine a viable reason as to why they would cost $85, or why Sehun had four sets. He thought that Johnny’s home was so impressive, seeing Sehun’s would probably knock him out on the spot. “Come over tomorrow,” Johnny said. “You can take me to my shoot and I’ll give you a house tour beforehand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sehun isn’t working on this one?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He is, but he has to wake up early to go get styled and all that. All I have to do is remember to bring my camera,” he grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They settled on a time and Johnny texted him the address. A bit later Jaehyun ended the call in the name of getting back to his friends. They were happy to hear from him and all asked for updates regularly. Jaehyun agreed to this, given that he remembered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At 5am Jaehyun had managed to fall asleep, after watching whatever kdrama was being rerun on tv for hours before that. His mother woke him up at 8am again, just as he had counted on. He had two hours before meeting Johnny but, according to google maps, it would take almost half of that to get to Sehun’s house. When his mother saw the address, she gasped loud enough to prompt his father to shout if everything was alright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That neighbourhood is so wealthy that we don’t even drive through it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It makes us sad. Jaehyun-ah, is this man single? You need to marry him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I can’t have a daughter in law, please give me a rich son in law.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, no. I’m not going to pick up the rich guy. My, uh, friend is staying with him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you had a friend in Korea,” she raised a brow. She pulled him by the arm into the master bedroom so his father could be part of the conversation. “Jaehyun has a friend in Korea,” she said, not attempting subtlety in the slightest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A friend in Korea?” His dad cocked an eyebrow. “Oh! A </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend </span>
  </em>
  <span>in Korea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, you two, stop saying that. I have to get going.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Invite your friend to dinner, sweetie!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll see,” Jaehyun said, already out the door.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny hadn’t been exaggerating about Sehun’s place in the least. Stepping out of his parents’ little car, he was met with what he could’ve mistaken for something Yuta made in the Sims at 3am and texted him about. The house was beautiful, on a raised platform and composed of more glass than wall, tinted too dark to see inside. There was an underground drive-in garage, which was enough to make Jaehyun cry. One of his quit majors in university had been architecture. Johnny’s house looked like a college sophomore’s dorm compared to this. Before he could faint, Johnny stepped outside of the door, which for some reason had a thick black chain beside it. Was it for decoration? To intrigue guests? Either way, it was working. The potted plants that Johnny passed to get to him were almost up to his hips, and the leaves up to his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t get me wrong, but I would leave you for this house,” Jaehyun said as Johnny hugged him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d understand your cause,” he pecked Jaehyun on the lips. “Do you wanna see inside?” Jaehyun considered it but rejected the offer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think Sehun would want to come home to me lying on his giant sofa in his embroidered robe and drinking all his expensive wine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How did you know he has an embroidered robe?” Johnny asked while getting into the embarrassingly small car. Jaehyun frowned,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was joking, my god.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The location of the photoshoot was underwhelming, to say the least. Jaehyun didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t to be under a bridge that was littered with cigarette butts and suspicious dark patches on the ground. Feeling out of place, Jaehyun could only wander the grounds and try not to get in anyone's way. The models weren’t unlike Irene, collected and serious on camera, but warm and friendly in every other circumstance. They’d chat with him while getting their makeup done, talking about good places to eat or shop. Jaehyun watched with wonder as Johnny directed them, their poses, expressions, stances. He looked good taking charge. Sehun was partnered with a woman almost as tall as him, even without heels. They were dressed in “spring fashion” from brands Jaehyun couldn’t name, let alone afford. Even with the camera flashes going off from every angle, they barely blinked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun turned around, having to look down to see a rather short woman addressing him. “Why aren’t you in makeup?” the woman asked, pointing to a nearby trailer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Makeup? Oh, I’m not a model,” Jaehyun tried to stop himself from blushing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not?” The woman looked over to Sehun and his partner. “Are you sure?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Miss. Sorry about that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize,” the woman smiled with crescent-moon eyes. “You really have the look for one. What do you do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a vet,” Jaehyun said, wondering if he should be embarrassed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My, that must be so cute!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It can be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is a vet doing on set here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a guest of the photographers,” he pointed to Johnny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know Mr. Suh? You’re so lucky. You know, we were scared that he wouldn’t agree to work on this shoot, considering how things ended with him and Mr. Oh.” The words felt like a heimlich when Jaehyun had not been choking in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Things?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, when they were dating? They were such a cute couple,” she sighed, “I’d kill to even have a breakup like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. It was so…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cinematic!” she finished for him. Out of all the adjectives in the Korean and English languages, Jaehyun would’ve never guessed that as the one of her choice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right!” he grinned, trying to match her enthusiasm about the matter. The day’s work was done within the hour. Tomorrow they’d be at another location, as Jaehyun heard. He waited by the sidelines, watching everyone pack up. Johnny seemed to be looking for him every few moments, relieved when he turned around and finally spotted him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ready to go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ready,” Jaehyun smiled without his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The drive was rather long and Jaehyun didn’t know how to bring up what he wanted to talk about. He thought about just staying silent the whole time, or maybe Johnny would be able to read his thoughts and bring it up himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re awful quiet,” Johnny said, turning down the radio. “Is everything ok?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything is fine,” Jaehyun replied out of habit. “Actually, no. You and Sehun were a couple?” Johnny’s eyes left Jaehyun to look anywhere else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who told you that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Some lady at the- Why does that matter?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We used to date, yes. But there’s no feelings on my end anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>end?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean on either end. He knows that we’re- Jaehyun!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun swerved back into his lane, narrowly missing a car. His heart skipped a beat and his vision went blurry. Suddenly he felt hot and nauseous, the memories of his and Taeyong’s car accident all hitting him at once. The circumstances were nothing alike, but it was enough to make him want to throw up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to pull over.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stopped on the side of the road and Jaehyun rolled his window all the way down, letting the cold air encircle his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun, I swear there’s nothing between us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I trust you, Johnny. I’m just wondering why you never brought it up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Didn’t think it was relevant,” he half mumbles. “You didn’t tell me about Taeyong until I was at your house for the first time-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s different!” Jaehyun cried. “You said it was fine!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>fine, Jaehyun, but I have stuff I haven’t told you too. I will, just with time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, it’s just… I can’t say I’m not a little jealous that your ex is a super rich super hot supermodel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The way you’re talking about him, I should be the one that’s worried,” Johnny chuckled, taking his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The lady said your breakup was cinematic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I,” Johnny fumbles on his words, “I wouldn’t call it </span>
  <em>
    <span>cinematic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was just kind of drunken… and very public.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Public?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you about it later if you wanna hear. Maybe over dinner tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m intrigued. Sorry I overreacted.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I don’t think you did. We both have things that won’t come out right away, and I don’t mind that.” Johnny grazed his hand against Jaehyun’s cheek, moving his hair out of the way. “Do you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Course not. Johnny?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you mind driving the rest of the way?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The restaurant they’d picked out was small and homey, the way Jaehyun liked it. Despite its lack of square feet, there was no shortage of people clawing their way in for the owner’s “magic cooking,” as Johnny had referred to it. Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel out of place, he’d been out of the country for so long he forgot how everything worked. He looked like one of them, but his mannerisms were that of a foreigner. Johnny was the one who ordered, not because Jaehyun didn’t know the language, but for the sake of flow. After eating more than their fill, Jaehyun sat patiently as Johnny narrated his and Sehun’s breakup. It felt like he should be uncomfortable hearing about this topic, but Jaehyun wasn’t. He wanted to know whatever Johnny had to tell him, the good, the bad, the ugly. All of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And after four more drinks, we were both yelling and arguing and everyone was staring. It was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mess</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It took another shot for me to tell him I wanted to end things,” Johnny shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At a release party of all places.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were younger then. I guess he liked the attention and I kind of did too. He was so selfish in the relationship. I felt like he blamed me for not being his soulmate. We were long past the cutoff but still no CV. I was fine with what we had but he always wanted more.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It seems like he wanted you back,” Jaehyun scratched the back of his head, “Kinda felt like you weren’t against it.” Johnny smirked,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was worried that the guy I really liked didn’t want me, so I considered it. But I got lucky.” He picked up a chunk of the vegetables that were leftover on his plate, chewing, dissatisfied with the sauce-covered carrot. “You feel like dessert?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bingsu?” Jaehyun’s eyes lit up. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Johnny put in an order for one mango bingsu, two spoons. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you probably don’t wanna think more about food right now, but would you be interested in coming over for dinner tomorrow? My parents invited you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your parents know about me?” Johnny smiled, his cheeks tinted pink by the two empty bottles of soju by his plate. He didn’t seem drunk at all besides that one little detail. “How can I say no?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the sun rose it set again. He would’ve loved to go to Johnny’s shoots every day, but Jaehyun’s priority was taking care of his father. That day the family had played a rather intense game of scrabble which ended shortly due to all three of their tempers. They’d tried to follow up with cards, but Jaehyun’s father had turned so red that his mother had the phone in hand, ready to dial the hospital again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you guys please be normal when Johnny gets here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are perfectly normal,” his father said while almost doing a somersault in bed while trying to put on his trousers. Jaehyun clicked his tongue, going over to help. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure it’s ok to have a guest? You can barely stand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heart attacks aren’t contagious.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean for </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>sake, dad.” His dad waved a hand through the air, grunting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mother had created a nice setup in the dining and living rooms, making sure to have all of Jaehyun’s baby pictures on full display. Dinner went well, to Jaehyun’s relief. Johnny and his parents had the same brand of humour, which concerned him to some degree, but he could live with it. His father suggested they play a board game, but his mother immediately shut the idea down, offering to make tea instead. Throughout the night, the boys shared glances with meanings only they could make out. Whenever they laughed, their eyes would drift to each other. Johnny told the Jungs about his photography, about Mark, and about how much he liked their son. Jaehyun noticed the sentiment that was building up in his mother’s eyes. He wondered if his dad noticed it too, but the man was cracking too many jokes to show it. When things had quieted down and teacups were empty down to the leaves, it was time for Johnny to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I kind of love them,” Johnny said. He and Jaehyun were standing right outside their door, holding each other. It wasn’t exactly a hug, but there wasn’t another specific name for it. It could best be described as an embrace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t lie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t. They’re so nice! And those baby pics-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t finish that sentence,” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. Johnny giggled and pitched his cheeks, laughing more at the very unimpressed look on Jaehyun’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, my nosy neighbour is probably watching, if she’s still alive. She’d gag at the sight of us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you really think that matters to me, Yuno?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told my mom not to tell you that name!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why should she listen to you?” Johnny laughed, taking Jaehyun in his arms again. The light above the door provided an odd glow over things. “I think it’s cute.” Jaehyun huffed. With a kiss goodbye, he watched Johnny get in his car and drive off, until Sehun’s very expensive vehicle was just a dot in the distance. He sighed happily and went back inside, jumping back when he saw his parents right behind the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Were you watching us? That’s so creepy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, sweetie, we were just waiting for you to get back inside.” He looked at his parents, holding each other and looking right back at him. They both had a smile on their face that maybe they weren’t aware of.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He reminds you of Taeyong, doesn’t he?” His father shrugged, still smiling, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As a person, meh. But in the way he makes you happy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We like him,” his mother let go of her husband to cup Jaehyun’s face with both hands, pinching his cheeks before letting go. “We like seeing you smile”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things were settling down since Jaehyun arrived in Korea. After the first week, he stopped jumping in fear every time his father called for him. He got back on what could be considered a normal sleep schedule. Normal as in the same general time everyday, not necessarily a reasonable time. He’d see Johnny a few times and sometimes tag along to shoots until they were done with that. Once Johnny was needed in the offices- or studio, whatever they called it- it was too awkward for Jaehyun to be there, so he spent most of his time at home or at nearby cafés, convenience stores, whatever was there to give him a change of scenery. He told himself every day that things were ok. He felt better than usual, he really did. There was no reason for him to feel depressed again- he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wasn’t, he wasn’t he wasn’t. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t until his bones felt heavy again and his mouth was constantly dry no matter how much water his mother made him drink that he could admit to himself that maybe, just maybe, he was feeling a bit down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mother begged him to get up earlier than 1pm and go to bed earlier than “God knows when,” but it felt like such a difficult request to follow up on. His father, back to his usual sprightly self within a matter of weeks, offered him a drink almost every night. The first few times it made him feel better, but eventually it was no use. Eventually he hated the taste. They made his favourite meals every day, every night, but most of the time they went untouched. Johnny’s calls went unanswered because most of the time Jaehyun was asleep when they’d come to him. Seulgi, Doyoung and Yuta began calling when it was much too late for them to be up in hopes that he would answer more than once a week, but even if he was looking at his phone, he couldn’t do anything more than look. If he pressed the green button, he’d have to talk, and if he had to talk he had no idea what would come out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyday was the same after a while, or perhaps it was one unbelievably long, endless day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You should be happy,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he told himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re with your family. You’re with Johnny. You have time off from work. Everything is ok.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Now and then he’d look instinctively to the side of the couch for Taeyong, but the photo was thousands of miles away. He promised himself that everyday would be better, but promises to himself were the easiest to break. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>A knock at the door woke him up one day. He glanced to where he knew the clock was. It was before 1pm. The knocking continued, he knew his mother would get it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Johnny!” his mother cried happily. Jaehyun pulled his blanket over his face, sacrificing the warmth of his feet. They were in socks anyway, the same socks as yesterday and last Monday. Or was yesterday last Monday? “Sweetie, Johnny’s here to see you.” The words were familiar, as was the whole situation. Like when he’d fake sick days to avoid school and his friends would check in even though they knew he didn’t really have that stomachache. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jaehyun?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat up. He wanted to see Johnny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you?” Jaehyun was too parched to get a word out. “I’m sorry we haven’t met up in a while,” he took a seat, lifting Jaehyun’s legs and setting them back down on his lap when he was comfortable. “We were in a time crunch for a while but things are calmer now. How are you?” Jaehyun shook the blanket off of his head, smiling, at least the thought he was. The muscles on his face were definitely doing something, though it was hard to say what. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. Just tired.” Johnny nodded knowingly. “I missed you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you too,” Johnny leaned in for a kiss, foregoing his lips and landing on a cheek. He took a thumb to the same cheek, stroking the surface of his skin. “Have you gone to the bathroom today?” Jaehyun thought about it. If 5am counted as today then,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eaten?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wanna go out for lunch?” He did. He wanted to go outside but outside seemed so far away. Thinking about all the stuff that would come before, though, discouraged him. “I’ll help you get ready.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need help,” Jaehyun stood up. His vision went dark and fuzzy for a moment. He regained his balance and headed for the bathroom without saying anything else. It took a quick shower, quick as in quite literally a rinse with water and the soap nearest by his hand, for him to fully wake up. The moisturizer felt good on his skin, cold and smooth. He patted his cheeks, realizing how much his skin had been tugging on itself the past few days. He threw on a button up and jeans before meeting Johnny in the living room again. His little setup had been destroyed in the short time he was gone, no doubt his mother’s doing. His blanket was folded into a little square and placed on top of the decorative pillow that had been flattened by his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like it was too much,” he overheard his mother’s voice, “Asking him to take care of his father as well as himself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m ready,” Jaehyun cut in.” Johnny smiled at his mom and led Jaehyun out while saying goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cafe Johnny brought them to was warm and cozy. The majority of the furniture was wooden and there were plants in every corner, as well as hung from the ceiling. Large windows allowed for natural light to flood the place. Off to one side, there was a seating area with a loveseat and bean bag chairs placed around a low coffee table that had a variety of magazines spread out on top of it. Jaehyun had been tempted to dive into a bean bag until Johnny pulled him away by the sleeve, warning him that once you’re in one, you never come out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two seated themselves at a tiny, wooden, round table after ordering a latte and iced americano. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why’d you pay for the whole thing?” Jaehyun pouted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No biggie,” Johnny shrugged, struggling to catch his straw between his lips. Jaehyun watched as the other sipped away at his americano. Johnny claimed that he preferred iced drinks all year round. Warm drinks made him feel stuffy inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you drink when you’re sick?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soup.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Disgusting,” Jaehyun pressed three fingers to his throat and gagged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t like soup?” Johnny exclaimed. Jaehyun shook his head, shuddering. “Oh, come on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s like blending and drinking food. I wouldn’t do that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess,” Johnny giggled. “You know, I used to come here a lot with my ex.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sehun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Johnny admitted. “He introduced me to this place, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you bring me here to talk about how much you miss Sehun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just saying, jeez. By the way, do you wanna spend the night at my place?” Jaehyun almost spat out his drink. “I mean Sehun’s place,” Johnny corrected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’ll he be?”</span>
</p>
<p><span>“At his new friend’s</span> <span>house,” Johnny formed air quotes with his fingers around the word ‘friend.’ “I miss you, you know. I feel bad that I’ve been working so much. I think I’d be going crazy if we weren’t in the same country right now.” Jaehyun felt his ears turning red and willed them not to do so, hoping Johnny wouldn’t notice the obvious change in shade. He knew he was wrong when Johnny’s eyes flicked sideways and he tried to stifle a grin. He suddenly felt like a teenager again, as if his crush had just asked him to prom in front of all their friends. If he hadn’t gotten a hold of himself he might have said, “Let me ask my mom.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, just let me tell my parents I’m swinging by to get my clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No need,” Johnny said, “You can wear mine.” Jaehyun felt lightheaded. Giddy, even. Jaehyun had been out in the cold, freezing his limbs off and searching for a shelter the last few weeks, but the feeling embraced him tightly and warmed him up. He smiled to himself, wondering if it was what he thought it was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Jaehyun stepped into Sehun’s house, he wanted to head right back out. While Johnny pulled him back by the waist, he kept reaching for the door, insisting he didn’t belong there. Upon entering there was a living room with a huge half-circle couch and a tv that took up most of the wall. The ceilings were incredibly high and on the other side of the room was a staircase, the kind where the steps didn’t touch each other, that led upstairs. A little ways from that was the entrance to the kitchen, which had one wall completely lined with glass and allowed the light to come in without any obstacles. You could see into the backyard which was well kept but bare aside from a few of those chairs that hung from a stand and something that was covered with a grey sheet but looked suspiciously like a bar counter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He keeps his drinks indoors during the winter,” Johnny said, pulling out a bottle from a cupboard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like an impostor. He knows I’m here, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s aware. He limited us to two bottles though, he knows how I can lose track of things when I’m drinking.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you plan to get hammered tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll see,” he whispered, already opening the first bottle. Jaehyun sat cautiously on the couch, lest it be disturbed. He felt his muscles relax, not realizing how much going outside would tire him out. He allowed himself to spread out a little, closing his eyes and basking in the softness of the fabric. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m cheating on my couch at home, but god, this is one hot mistress.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is the second time I’ve felt scared that you’ll leave me for an inanimate object,” Johnny said from the kitchen</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gotta keep you on your toes,” Jaehyun smiled, still with his eyes closed. He heard the clink of glasses being set down and felt the sink of the cushion when Johnny sat beside him. An arm slipped beside him and a glass floated up to touch his hand. Jaehyun groaned and the glass seemed to get the point, putting itself up to his lips. He took a sip and hummed when he was done. The glass clinked back down on the coffee table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought I was spending the night with my boyfriend, not a baby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t feed a baby scotch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I might.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But,” Jaehyun sat up, “You shouldn’t.” Johnny laughed, shaking his head and bringing his own glass to his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wanna watch anything? This man has like every type of subscription available.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I were you, I’d have also stayed friends with my super rich ex.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’ve known him since high school,” Johnny insisted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” Jaehyun leaned forward to see better. Even the giant screen couldn’t help his terrible eyes. He snatched the remote from Johnny and clicked on the little red and white play button icon. Johnny watched him type with the controls on the remote, slowly moving from letter to letter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Douyin pottery compilation?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jaehyun shushed him and continued sifting through the videos. “Jaehyun, I don’t wanna watch half an hour of-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s only twenty-four minutes,” he leaned back and snuggled up in Johnny’s arms, clearly ignoring the disinterested look on his face. Forty minutes and two more videos later, Johnny was screaming, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s no way to glaze porcelain!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you they were addicting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No kidding, I’m buying a wheel when we get home.” Jaehyun pressed play on the next video and they watched, mostly silent, happy with each other's presence. It must’ve been minutes before he dozed off, because Jaehyun didn’t remember anything past the third video when he woke up the next morning. Johnny was still beside him, head on his shoulder. He gently slipped out of his grip and tried to get himself fully awake. His phone lit up with a notification, but as soon as he saw the date he exclaimed,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck me!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Johnny leapt up, looking around for whatever threat had made Jaehyun scream. Seeing nothing, he glared at Jaehyun. “It’s your birthday,” he turned his phone to Johnny and pouted. “I’m so sorry, Johnny, I didn’t mean to forget. Shit, I didn’t even know what the date was till right now-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, relax,” Johnny said, his voice a deep grumble on account of just having woken up. Blinking a few times, Johnny’s eyes widened and he gasped, looking at Jaehyun. He smiled back, assuming Johnny was just very excited about it being his birthday. The joy on his face wavered but before Jaehyun could say anything they heard the door handle click and footsteps approach on the hardwood. Dressed to the nines before it was even 9am and holding a large white box was the owner of the house.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodmorning,” he smiled. Johnny lifted an arm in attempt of a wave. “Wake up, birthday boy! I’ve got your favourite right here.” Jaehyun sunk his head into his hands out of embarrassment. “Vanilla fruit cake, no blueberries.” It took everything Jaehyun had not to make a tasteless joke. He went to see the cake before Johnny could even get up, awkwardly saying “hi” to Sehun. The thing was iced beautifully, not with the cheap stuff but a light, creamy substance. Johnny and Sehun gave each other a quick hug before the latter skipped up the stairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Breakfast looks good,” Jaehyun pointed to the cake. Johnny joined him at the kitchen island, looking him up and down. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you feel okay, Jaehyun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, why?” Johnny stepped closer and took his face in his hands, squishing his cheeks upward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure?” Jaehyun nodded, Johnny’s hands moving along with the motion. He let go, eyes darting around like he was searching for something to say. “I’m just gonna go thank Sehun properly. The bathroom is, uh, third door on the left. There’s one in the basement too. And two upstairs.” He followed Sehun’s tracks, turning back every few seconds, rather confused. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, Jaehyun headed upstairs as well. The door had neglected to close the last inch and Jaehyun could see the others talking through the crack. Johnny said something to Sehun, whose face dropped for a second before he rigidly went in for a hug, which lasted for even less time than the last one. Johnny didn’t even take his hands out of his pockets or look away from the floor. He mumbled something and Sehun’s expression changed. Was he upset? No, not quite. He placed a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, gently stroking. Something shifted in Johnny and he stumbled forward, head falling in the crook of Sehun’s neck. Surprised, Sehun held him, though his arms were still stiff. Moving as quietly as he could, Jaehyun backed away from the door and went to look for one of four bathrooms. Was Johnny really this broken over him forgetting his birthday? He’d claimed that everything was fine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After much searching, Jaehyun found enough ingredients to make something of a breakfast. It was clear that Sehun wasn’t often home, judging by the lack of non-alcoholic items in his kitchen. For a person with so much money, he had a concerning lack of groceries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With some stray eggs that were rolling around the fridge and possibly expired butter, Jaehyun readied two omelettes- if you could call them that. The others came downstairs together, commenting about the pleasant smell from the cooking. Jaehyun assumed they were just being nice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he said to Sehun, “I couldn’t find a third egg.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s my fault. I’ve got a breakfast date with my agent, anyway.” He pat Johnny on the back, wishing him a happy birthday again. When Jaehyun’s back was turned, he whispered something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything will be ok.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jaehyun waited in the lobby of the address that Johnny had sent him, the building of the company he was working with. The text had been a bit passive aggressive. Jaehyun knew he was overreacting as the text was nothing but an address, but the text was </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>but an address. He’d had to ask for it after barely hearing from Johnny for nearly a week. Johnny hadn’t even asked him to come, but he hadn’t denied him either so here he was. Jaehyun remembered how out of place he felt at Square, but this was a whole new level of discomfort. The inside of the building was white. White walls, white furniture, white lighting and white marble floors. Jaehyun thought he should take off his shoes in fear of dirtying… everything. Even without colour vision it was too monochromatic. There was a sign above the grand, white-trimmed doors in black letters, possibly the only thing that was a different shade, that said “We are your blank canvas. Cover us in you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>not</span>
  <em>
    <span> be an innuendo,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaehyun,” a monotonous voice said. Jaehyun smiled as Johnny approached him, stopping just short of hugging distance. He looked like there was something on his mind. “Happy birthday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Jaehyun said softly. “You done for the day?” Johnny stared at him for a while, in a way that he wasn’t used to. His eyes were so despondent, Jaehyun didn’t know how to apologize enough. Just as Jaehyun was about to speak, Johnny’s smile was back on the bottom half of his face. Jaehyun blinked, wondering if he had imagined the last few seconds. The emotional whiplash had made him dizzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Johnny said cheerfully. “I have plans, actually. For you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you busy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s go!” Johnny took him by the wrist, his grip a little tighter than usual, and led Jaehyun to his car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we doing?” Jaehyun asked, being thrown into the passenger seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Road trip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Road trip!” Johnny slammed the door as he got in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Johnny, I don’t even have clothes or anything- I haven’t told my parents!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I texted your dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>texted</span>
  </em>
  <span> my </span>
  <em>
    <span>dad</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Johnny put the car in drive and backed out so fast that Jaehyun’s head knocked against the headrest, “We’re like best friends now.” Jaehyun rubbed the back of his head,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a lot of worries when you met my parents but this wasn't one of them.” His dad had heard more from Johnny in the last week than he had. Jaehyun wanted to assume it was just because of the surprise he’d been planning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had been driving for nearly an hour before either of them spoke again. It certainly hadn’t felt like an hour when Jaehyun was staring out the window. He was surprised that Johnny hadn’t struck up a conversation in that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t call me since I last saw you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t call me either,” Johnny pointed out. Jaehyun apologized under his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The shoot’s done now, isn't it?” Johnny shrugged,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My part is. I can go home soon.” Jaehyun hummed in response. He knew </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was bad at talking, but Johnny had never been so dry with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask you something?” Johnny nodded. “Are you mad that I forgot your birthday?” Johnny stared at him for a few seconds before his eyes darted back to the front. They were on a long, straight stretch of road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still on that? I already told you no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why haven’t you talked to me in a week? Why are you being so quiet now? Since your birthday you’ve been acting different and I can’t think of anything else I might have done to make you angry.” Johnny took a deep breath in and out through his nose,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun scoffed,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m not stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look!” Johnny burst out. “Look,” he said, quieter, “I’ve planned this trip for us and I just want to enjoy it, okay. If I say I’m not angry you should leave it alone.” There was no way Jaehyun could believe him after that, but he decided against pushing it any further. Upset or not, Johnny had taken the time to take him... wherever they were going. It wasn’t the worst of signs. Jaehyun stared out the window again, eyes focused on the setting sun. He imagined the sky would become a dark blue soon, some pink and orange peeking through cracks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you gonna do if I hadn’t gone to meet you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Picked you up,” Johnny said flatly. Jaehyun didn’t have it in him to keep trying to converse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have a cd in here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno. It’s Sehun’s car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Jaehyun pressed the cd icon on the shiny touch screen, squinting to see if he’d left his commoner’s thumb print. A piano and saxophone melody played through the surround system speakers, almost making Jaehyun laugh. He recognized the song from all the times he’d swayed to it after a late night shower, letting The Platters say everything he felt. It was too appropriate for the moment. Jaehyun hummed along, lyrics occasionally slipping out from his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sehun loves the classics. I don’t think he’s ever voluntarily listened to anything released after 1980. Hyunnie used to sit him in front of the cd player and blast My Chemical Romance just to see him squirm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Irene likes My Chemical Romance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She calls herself a woman of mystery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s right. Anyway, I’d expect Sehun to have taste. I mean just look at this car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen you shake your ass to Britney at Ten’s engagement party, don’t act so high and mighty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you were looking,” Jaehyun said. He couldn’t stop himself from bursting into laughter, making Johnny break into giggles as well. It was refreshing after spending the last hour and some in silence. “Britney counts as the classics, if you ask me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’ll find her stuff in this car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could connect my phone-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave it,” Johnny put his hand over Jaehyun’s as he reached for the screen again, bringing it down slowly to rest between their seats. He didn’t let go afterwards. “I like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> It was a few more minutes before they reached their destination. Jaehyun looked out to the ocean as Johnny parked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A beach? You brought me to a beach in February?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like to avoid the crowd.” Johnny told Jaehyun to stay put as he ran around the car and opened the door for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Smart,” Jaehyun said, smirking. They’d definitely managed to avoid a crowd. There wasn’t another soul around. As he waited for Johnny to pull things out from the trunk, Jaehyun blew clouds of smoke with his warm breath, watching them form and fade. Johnny motioned for him to start walking, a rather large basket in his hands and an even bigger backpack hanging off his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you prepare all this?” Jaehyun stepped carefully onto the sand, not wanting to get any in his shoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry your little head about that. The sand’s not soft enough to get in your crevices, go faster,” Johnny grunted as he fixed his grip on the basket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you have to phrase it like that,” Jaehyun grumbled. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Crevices.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Johnny laughed and nudged him forward. When they got close enough to the water, Johnny pulled out a number of blankets and laid them on the ground, saving the biggest one to later wrap it around themselves. He opened his basket to reveal what he called “a three course meal” consisting of burgers, onion rings, and a white box that Jaehyun had become accustomed to. Tucked in the side were two water bottles filled with something that definitely wasn’t water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, the milkshakes are frozen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you expect, having those in your car all day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever been hurled at with a frozen milkshake, Jaehyun?” Jaehyun scoffed, but prepared to duck anyway. Thankfully, Johnny did no hurling of milkshakes. Instead, he wrapped them gently in the corner of the blankets, setting them to warm up over time. They enjoyed the burgers, which had been wrapped in foil, so they were warm to some degree, and the stale fries that needed to be chewed 40 times before one would go down. There was a breeze that kept flying through their hair, Jaehyun’s floating up in tufts in a way that made Johnny smile through his chewing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Jaehyun said, gazing out at the sea. “For this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m happy you’re happy,” Johnny looked in the same direction. The last bits of daylight were reflecting on the sluggish waves, tired after a long day. Johnny took out the white box and two plastic forks, handing one to Jaehyun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You brought eight blankets but not a knife?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna lug around dishes for a six inch cheeskecake.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only six?” Jaehyun pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That basket is not as big as it looks! Now dig in before I do, birthday boy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go first,” Jaehyun objected, “Since we didn’t really do much for your birthday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” Johnny jerked Jaehyun’s hand down so his fork punctured the cake, “Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t fight you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Over cake?” Jaehyun smirked, taking a bite. Johnny shrugged, breaking off a large chunk with his fork. Through a mouth full of cake, Jaehyun cursed him out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things were quiet as they sipped on the milkshakes, still half frozen. Jaehyun had set the lid of his bottle aside and begun scraping the milkshake with his fork like it was ice cream, though it was more ice than cream. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence this time, it was pleasant- for Jaehyun, at least. It took a few seconds of sniffling for Jaehyun to turn, ready to drape another blanket over Johnny, until he saw his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you... crying?” Jaehyun asked softly. Johnny immediately turned his head away, only to turn back and nod slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The sunset. It’s really beautiful.” The sun had almost sunk, only the top of it visible over the water. Clouds were in streaks across the sky, dark areas more abundant than light as though something had dragged its claws through the atmosphere, leaving deep gashes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is,” Jaehyun agreed. He stroked his thumbs under Johnny’s eyes to wipe off the tears, but he moved back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your hands are really cold,” Johnny chuckled before touching his face to them again. Unsure what to say, Jaehyun laid his head on Johnny’s shoulder, letting out a breath when he felt Johnny lean on him as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some music?” Jaehyun whispered. He felt Johnny nod. “What’d you have in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything,” Johnny whispered back. “Anything you like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two stayed like that until all the light was gone. Now the beach was illuminated by the glowing buildings behind them, but Jaehyun didn’t want to turn back. It would ruin the feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Johnny had booked a room in an inn nearby, the woman at the counter staring them down when they said they didn’t need to switch to a room with two beds. Neither of them had been able to stop laughing on their way up the stairs. Jaehyun changed into one of Johnny’s shirts and much-too-big pajama pants for the second time that week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was gonna take you back to your parents’ place to get a bag but I got carried away,” Johnny admitted while drying off his hair. He looked cute, eyes all sleepy and skin a bit flushed from the heat of the shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kinda thought you were taking me somewhere isolated to dump my body.” Johnny looked at him, unimpressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun cocked a brow, shifting over as Johnny joined him in the bed. “I have one more gift for you.” He leaned over to fish something out of his bag, Jaehyun clutching onto his shirt in a measly effort to prevent him from falling. “This is from me and your parents.” Opening the envelope he’d been handed, Jaehyun chuckled, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They really want me out of here, huh?” Johnny clicked his tongue and playfully shoved Jaehyun’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, we’ve been talking. Your parents think it’d be better for you to go back. Having nothing to do takes a toll on you.” Jaehyun sighed, looking at the plane tickets in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to stop texting my dad more than I do,” he chuckled. “I guess we’re going home-” he glanced at the date on the tickets, “-soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flipped the covers over himself and shimmied closer to Johnny, their arms touching. It hadn’t occurred to Jaehyun that this was their first time sleeping together in a bed. Sprawled out on opposite ends of Sehun’s gigantic sofa didn’t quite count. From the corner of his eye he could see Johnny’s chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm, polygonal shadows falling on the folds of his shirt by the light of the moon. He remembered the first time he and Taeyong had shared a bed, at Yuta’s house on Halloween night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had just started dating at the time. Jaehyun was so close to Taeyong that he could see the remnants of glitter eyeshadow on his face, part of his very intricate costume, and the parts of his hair that had escaped the grasp of the dollar store hairspray. It was late, maybe three in the morning, and everyone had fallen asleep in the first place they’d lay down. Doyoung on the carpeted floor below them, Yuta on the rug of his living room (despite having a perfectly good bed 15 feet away) and Seulgi on the couch. Seeing Yuta sleeping like a starfish, Doyoung had ushered the two into the bedroom and told them to take the bed. Before either could argue, he was out cold on the floor. Jaehyun remembered Taeyong’s giggles as he draped a blanket over Doyoung, then proceeded to fall asleep not three seconds after his head hit a pillow. Unlike the others, Jaehyun didn’t feel tired that night. Maybe it was the horror movies he’d been forced to watch, or all the candy he’d eaten, but in the moment all he wanted to do was lie there and look at Taeyong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you asleep?” Johnny asked. Jaehyun shook his head. “There’s times when you get so quiet all of a sudden, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s interesting. I mean, I talk a lot. Mark talks a lot. I couldn’t get my friends to shut up if I wanted to. But you keep a lot to yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a bad thing?” Jaehyun turned onto his side so that he was facing Johnny. He hadn’t realized that Johnny was under the covers now too, also facing him. He was awfully close. No, “awfully” wasn’t the right word. “Awfully” made it sound like he didn’t like it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What am I keeping from you?” Jaehyun asked, genuinely wondering if there was an answer. He could use an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess nothing,” Johnny leaned in to give him a kiss on the forehead. Seizing the chance, Jaehyun stopped him from moving away, a hand on his cheek. He pressed his lips to Johnny’s, praying he would do the same. Johnny did, for a few seconds. He was the first to pull away. Saying nothing, he slid an arm under Jaehyun and held him close. With his head on Johnny’s chest, Jaehyun watched the wispy clouds float past the moon. Time passed on as they stayed like that, both tensed up and too scared to move. Jaehyun’s muscles were saved from a frozen fate when one of their phones went off, the sound of the notification ringing throughout an otherwise quiet room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Ten. He sent pics of the suits he wants for his groomsmen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lemme see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyunnie likes the red, but I don’t know if red would look good for a wedding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it would be nice,” Jaehyun stretches to peek at the phone. He can’t tell if the colours are all that different, the shades are too similar. “Which is the red one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s uh,” Johnny paused before scrolling up to check a text, “The third one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it. I think you’d look good in all of them.” Johnny ruffled Jaehyun’s hair in thanks, making him wonder if the pets in the clinic felt the same way. It wasn’t unpleasant, but rather odd for a thank you. Did pets understand thank yous? “Is Irene one of the groomsmen too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and Sehun, as expected. I’m the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span> man, though,” Johnny says with a proud smile. “What about you? Who would you have standing with you at your wedding?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun faced the roof, his lips tugging at the corners from slightly embarrassing memories. He’d thought about this before when he and Taeyong had been together for a few years. In passing, he’d mentioned it and they’d fought over who would get Seulgi while Yuta watched, offended that no one was fighting over him. They didn’t have to discuss that he would get Yuta and Taeyong would get Doyoung, though in the end it didn’t make a difference who was on which side. Eventually they’d come to the terms that Seulgi could officiate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t trust me to officiate?” Yuta had asked. Immediately, a collective “No” echoed all around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All three of them, probably. Doie, Yuta and Seul. You?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you can guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In case I can’t?” Johnny teasingly rolled his eyes,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten, Hyunnie and Mark.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark?” Jaehyun inadvertently blurted out. “I mean, of course.” Had Sehun been knocked down a spot, or was he once supposed to be in a different position? “I didn’t really picture you as a marriage guy,” Jaehyun said. Johnny shrugged, thinking for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I have the right person it doesn’t really matter what we call ourselves. I don’t need the government in my business.” Jaehyun chuckled at how serious Johnny had looked while saying that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t been to a wedding in a damn while. I’d been around single people so long I thought mine would be the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny smiled out of habit, not making much of Jaehyun cutting himself off in the middle of the sentence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be excited for this one, then. We’ll have fun together.” He felt around for Jaehyun’s hand and squeezed it. Even after being under the covers for so long, it was cold. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I realized as I was posting that I'm publishing this on Jaehyun's birthday</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I was really hoping it would be warmer when we got back,” Jaehyun complained, blowing warm air onto his hands before shoving them in his pockets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a lighter, if you want.” Yuta fished it out of his pocket. Jaehyun scowled until he had put it away again. “You’ve been back over a week, you’ve gotta stop complaining.” Jaehyun shifted closer to Yuta and slammed his hands around his neck. “Jesus!” Yuta cried out, shivering under his half-frozen fingers. “I’ll get you a damn glove.” Scanning over the various clutter on the floor, Jaehyun didn’t know how fast Yuta could fulfill that promise. To his surprise, he did indeed find a single glove. Putting both of Jaehyun’s hands together, he yanked it over them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were supposed to go buy nice clothes for tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been playing the sims for four hours, Yuta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not my highest record,” he took a swig of redbull with the word “grapefruit” on it. This must’ve been his daily serving of fruit. “I’ve got nice clothes from Square anyway. They’ve called me for a few shoots, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Jaehyun didn’t bring up the fifteen times per photoshoot that Yuta had messaged him. He was still working as an assistant, but with Johnny gone, all of his colleagues had taken advantage of the free time Yuta thought he would have. “But I can’t believe you’ll be rich in a few years while I’m still living in my one-bedroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t assume the worst, little one, I’ll remember you when I’m jet setting in Greece.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t wait for my weekly allowance cheques.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Monthly,” Yuta corrected. “What?” he objected upon seeing Jaehyun’s dirty look, “I have two other kids besides you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mom</span>
  </em>
  <span>, do you wanna drive up to the place together tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I assumed you’d be going with your boyfriend,” Yuta said without looking away from his game. He’d cast the screen to his tv because “it felt cooler,” unknowingly showing off his incredible hand-eye coordination. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has to go early to help with… something. Decorations? I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you admit he’s your boyfriend?” Yuta smirks, still sifting through cabinet colours in search of the perfect one. Jaehyun stutters,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When was I denying it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t even accept that you liked him a few months ago!.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People change, Nakamoto.” Jaehyun sipped from Yuta’s can, spraying it out once the beverage- a term used lightly- hit his tongue. “Why is this so flat? And </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I opened it yesterday. Or maybe the day before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of model lives in filth like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not official yet,” Yuta finished off his drink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The couple had chosen a restaurant that neither Jaehyun nor Yuta had been to before. It would take much longer to get used to how Johnny and his friends lived. Over half of the inside, polished and sparkling, was blocked off for the private party. Everyone that Jaehyun had seen at the engagement was there, as well as some new faces. He assumed the older people were family members of Ten and Kun, same for the younger kids. After all, why would you invite children and old people to a party unless required? Kun was talking to a man who looked like a well-aged version of him and Ten was on the opposite side of the room, practically wrestling a girl into the table of appetizers before she yelled “Not the hair!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His sister.” Jaehyun didn’t need to think about who was speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see that charming personality runs in the family.” He smoothed out Johnny’s hair, “You look tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been here for way too long,” Johnny sighed. His suit was ruffled and tie missing, if it had been there in the same place. His button up was half untucked and cufflinks had been undone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of battlefield did they take you to, poor thing?” Jaehyun brought Johnny’s hand to his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“General Bae is unforgiving,” he caught Irene’s eye. “Unforgiving and </span>
  <em>
    <span>cruel</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” he stressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet the balloon arch still looks like shit!” Irene threw her arms up before snatching a glass of champagne and subsequently gulping it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared to find out how this morning went.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rightfully so,” Johnny attempted to tuck his shirt back in. With the number of guests increasing, Jaehyun suggested they go to the bathroom so he could help with freshening up. Even that part of the restaurant was glimmering and perfect. Strangest of all, it smelled </span>
  <em>
    <span>good. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun hadn’t spent a single moment of his twenty-something years in a public bathroom that smelled good. There were complimentary chocolates and mints in little dishes and the tissues didn’t crumble at the touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You people really live like kings, huh?” Jaehyun said, rubbing the softest kleenex he’d ever felt in his life to his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure you can get those at Walmart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’ve ever been in a Walmart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been in a Walmart,” Johnny huffed. He had borrowed a tiny tub of hair gel that Ten apparently had on him. Unfortunately, it was not cooperating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me do it, for god’s sake,” Jaehyun says, unable to watch Johnny slap himself upside the head anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think my fingers stopped working.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re tired, it’s fine, honey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you’re calling me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? Jaehyun was occupied with his impromptu task as a hairstylist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Maybe?” He began to smooth back a few strands that had fallen in front of his forehead before deciding to leave them there as a curl. “Do you like it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s cute,” Johnny said before looking in the mirror again. “I look like Elvis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d argue you look better.” The gel was refusing to leave his hands, covering them in a slippery film. “What the hell kind of gel is this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten refuses to say where he bought it. I get scared sometimes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun couldn’t ignore the look Johnny was giving him as he dried his hands. He leaned against the counter, pushing his jacket behind him. Jaehyun raised a brow, asking his intentions. “You said you’d help me,” Johnny said flippantly. Jaehyun shook his head, rolling his sleeves back before tucking in Johnny’s shirt for him. He brought his hands in a circle around his waistline to smooth things out, slowing down before he realized it. Johnny swiftly turned around, pulling Jaehyun closer in the way he would never grow tired of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Jaehyun said, something building up in his throat. Johnny giggled and kissed him on the temple, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Johnny!” Jaehyun called out as he walked out of the bathroom, “Johnny Suh!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To his dismay, Jaehyun spent the rest of the night away from Johnny. Being with Johnny’s friends was fine, but this was Ten and Kun’s party, where </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the stranger. Yuta and Doyoung must have felt the same way, based on how they were glued to a wall with drinks in hand. Jaehyun joined them, finishing off his appetizer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And so we find ourselves back here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to stop getting invited to places,” Doyoung stared lackluster at the guests, eating, drinking, being merry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but” Yuta motioned a waiter closer, “crab puffs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never actually had those before today,” Doyoung said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither,” Jaehyun agreed, “I thought hollywood made them up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always expected that they’d taste better,” Doyoung popped another one into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, losers,” Seulgi joined them against the wall. She handed her drink to Yuta, stretching her arms and neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing at our table?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The cool kids are a fucking drag,” she whispered before flashing a plastic smile at one of the many middle aged men who had been uncomfortably nice to her all evening. “Joohyun promised we could get mcflurries after this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me get in on that,” Doyoung pleaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have expensive desserts here, you know?” Jaehyun motioned to the table that had been fenced off to save it from a premature demise at the grubby hands of children.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw,” Doyoung scrunched his nose, “What the fuck is an eclair?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s like a long donut,” Yuta said with confidence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s your man, Yu?” Doyoung asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I’d be here if I knew?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys!” a happy voice perked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark!” they all exclaimed together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you all back here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First access to crab puffs,” Yuta nodded to the door beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t like it here either, huh? I won’t tell. I was facetiming Renjun but my phone just died, now I don’t know what to do.” Yuta stopped another waiter with a different plate of appetizers, offering one to Mark, who took it and made his place on the wall. “Hey Dr. Jung, I missed you.” Jaehyun couldn’t help but break into a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you too, kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy late birthday, by the way. I got to visit Dr. Kang on hers but you weren’t there. The patients miss you too, I can tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still go to the clinic?” Jaehyun hadn’t started working again, he’d figured he’d return to life after the wedding. Seulgi had texted him about a new hire and how they were only increasing in client traffic.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whenever I can.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The five of them chatted and people-watched, teaching Mark a game they used to play where they each had to try and come up with the most interesting backstory for a stranger. Come dinnertime, they all had to try and suppress their snickers when seeing a face and associating it with the ridiculous stories they’d created. Jaehyun stuffed his face with all the food he couldn’t pronounce, finally distracted from the boredom and foreignness of the environment. So soon after he’d returned from Korea, life had resumed. No matter where Jaehyun went, he was always upset that life wasn’t waiting for him when he got back. It had passed on, not leaving him so much as a note or apology. Soon he’d be going to Jaesu again, and that was it. It would be as though the past few weeks had never happened. Whether he was doing nothing or going about his routine as usual, it felt unbearable. Finishing off the last of his main course, he thought to himself, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>This is why I can’t eat without TV or conversation.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seul,” he whispered after everyone had left the table. It had been a journey trying to find her again, their place cards were so far away. “Do you think we can go for that ice cream now? I need a breather.” Seeing the look in his eyes, she nodded and excused herself from Irene. Grabbing a very relieved Doyoung and Yuta on the way out, they drove to the nearest McDonald’s. It was only after they’d gathered inside that Jaehyun realized how overdressed they were. Doyoung loosened his tie and Yuta let his hair down in an attempt to look more disheveled. As per usual, Seulgi couldn’t have cared less about all the gawking customers. She clicked her heels over to the counter and gave their order to the high schooler behind the counter. They squeezed into a booth and scarfed down half of their cups before any of them said a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s better,” Yuta leaned back, putting his arm around Doyoung’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were in air conditioning,” Doyoung shrugged it off, “How are you still sweating?” Yuta shrugged, sniffing himself. “Nasty,” Doyoung hissed before opening his mouth wide and shoveling in more ice cream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you now, Jae?” Seulgi whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll manage,” Jaehyun smiled softly. “It’s been a while since I’ve made us all leave a place like that, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose it has,” Seulgi said, stirring her ice cream until it could no longer be considered as such. “I never minded leaving boring people for you guys, though.” The other two agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry though, I thought I was better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Healing isn’t linear, Jae. And this is nothing to be sorry about. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>is delicious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Seul.” She nodded in response, knowing that he wouldn’t want to discuss it further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna get some fries,” Seulgi got up, smoothing out her dress, “for the road, of course. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time they got back, most of the guests were gone. Only family members and staff remained, beginning to clean up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long were we gone?” Yuta wondered. “I gotta go look for Sicheng, we were supposed to leave together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go too, then,” Doyoung waved goodbye before taking a few fries out of Seulgi’s hand. “See you soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joohyun’s probably looking for me,” Seulgi said, trying to eat the rest of the evidence and offering some to Jaehyun. “Do you need anything else right now?” He shook his head before giving her a hug, able to feel her still chewing against his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. For the mcflurries.” She smiled, her eyes becoming the crescent shape that Jaehyun loved on her, and skipped off to find her girlfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alone again,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jaehyun thought. He tried to look at anything else, focus on any little object so that the overwhelming feeling wouldn’t bother him until he was home by himself. Catching something wandering by the empty bottles of alcohol, he found something good to focus on. He called out for Johnny, who looked in his general direction after the third time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you drunk?” Jaehyun asked, knowing the answer. Despite all the open bottles, the strongest smell was coming from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re back! You left and so I drank every-rhing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you could hold your alcohol.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I drank a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This tabble, is’ all mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, is’ not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you drive here?” Johnny made a motion akin to a nod. “You can stay with me tonight and we’ll get your car tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be cold,” Johnny frowned. Jaehyun tried to usher him out the door, assuring that the car would be fine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sehun!” Johnny called out. Jaehyun looked around, suspecting that Johnny was hallucinating, considering he hadn’t seen the man all night. Sure enough, though, he was there with a designer duffel bag at his side. Johnny ran up to him and held his hand out, fingers spread out. Sehun looked at Jaehyun for guidance on how to respond, but Jaehyun could only offer a look that said “I’m just as confused.” Johnny shook his hand, waiting for Sehun to do something. Eventually Sehun put his own hand up to Johnny’s, like the world’s slowest and most awkward high-five. Satisfied, Johnny brought his hand down. “Where were you Se’un?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you drunk?” Sehun asked in the same manner that Jaehyun had. It appeared to be common knowledge that Johnny wasn’t often like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is everyone asking that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you smell like my dad’s third wife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A splendid woman!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You never met her,” Sehun furrowed his brows. “My flight was delayed, I got here like an hour ago to see Ten. He threatened to shave me bald if I didn’t stop by.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d look like a triangle.” Sehun nodded at the comment, unbothered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can drive him home if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Jaehyun a moment to realize that he was the one being addressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, sure. That’d be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on!” Johnny cried out, startling the others. “I think I forgot something in the restaurant. Jaehyun,” he put out his hand, “come with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you forget?” Jaehyun asked, being dragged along. Johnny cracked open the door of the bathroom and shushed him, waiting a few seconds before going in and turning the lock. To be safe, he peeked under the stalls even though none of the doors were fully shut. Not wasting any more time, he slammed into Jaehyun, not caring where his lips landed. Fortunately, they hit their target without a hitch. “Johnny, please,” Jaehyun tried to move away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby, it’s ok, I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>drunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are, and that’s not the only thing. Why have you been acting so weird lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird to wanna kiss your boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird to act passive aggressive on a trip that should’ve been romantic. It’s weird that you’ve been texting me once a week but then pretending everything’s normal when you see me in person. It’s weird that you, the person whom I was told once drank six bottles of soju in one night and lived to see the next day, is so drunk that you try to do me in some random bathroom!” Johnny said nothing. He let go of Jaehyun to splash water on himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve never yelled at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Johnny whispered. “Don’t be. This is so much better than having to guess what you’re feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Johnny, you know that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know we agreed some things would take time. And I don’t mind that. Just, I wish you’d yell more often.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been acting like this so I’d yell at you?” Jaehyun asked, growing more exasperated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did it,” Johnny said through his teeth, “Because I was...sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny looked up, rubbing his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was angry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ever going to tell me why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really don’t know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How </span>
  </em>
  <span>could I?” Jaehyun sighed, feeling his eyes start to burn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This suit,” Johnny said weakly, “It’s blue. It’s a dark blue. The stall doors are rimmed with brown and the glass is green, I think. It’s barely green but it’s nothing else that I’ve learned so far. And my eyes… they’re red now. They’re redder than eyes should be.” Jaehyun instinctively looked to the doors to confirm. His lips parted, just a sliver of space between them. Even if he knew what he wanted to say, it wouldn’t have come out. “That morning at Sehun’s I woke up and it was all different. And I thought it would be the same for you because they say both people get it at once, but you didn’t react. Okay, I figured. I was upset but Sehun suggested I give you a few days and maybe it would come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I should’ve brought it up but I wanted to believe that if I waited another day then you would get it. That if I just went about normally it would eventually happen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think it ever will,” the words struggled to pass over his lips as they got drier and drier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you say that?” Johnny wrenched at the fabric over Jaehyun’s chest, jolting him closer. It wasn’t violent. It was desperate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Johnny,” Jaehyun said softly, trying to get his hands off. He held them tightly at waist height. “It’s not that I don’t want it to. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Johnny jerked his hands free, pushing back all the hairs that had come loose from sweat. “I already met my soulmate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m your soulmate!” Johnny argued. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m your soulmate, but…” The look in Johnny’s eyes made Jaehyun wish he had never said anything at all, but what would that help? He took a deep breath in, there was no way he could cause more damage than what was already done. “Taeyong was mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you- you’ve had colour vision all this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to. Before he died.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny mulled over something, looking miserable and not making eye contact for the longest time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t make sense,” Johnny whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom doesn’t have CV,” Jaehyun revealed. “My dad got it after they met but almost thirty years of marriage and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing?” Johnny was on the brink of crying. Jaehyun hoped he wouldn’t because that was the only thing keeping him from doing the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she loves him! She loves him more than anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaehyun?” Johnny looked into his eyes after the last eternity. “Do you love me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I do,” Jaehyun stuttered, not expecting to have an answer so fast. There was nothing to not love about Johnny, but he hadn’t thought to say it until now. “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> love me?” he asked back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny caressed Jaehyun’s head gently, giving him one of those forehead kisses that had become second nature. This time, though, he let it linger. He didn’t let go until he was ready, until Jaehyun could feel his heartbeat settling down. “Do you wanna crash at my place?” Jaehyun asked, wiping Johnny’s eyes with his thumbs and picturing how the redness of his eyes and nose would be exaggerated. Johnny shook his head, kissing the side of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need some time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long?” Jaehyun asked as he watched Johnny’s fingers wrap around the door handle. Johnny pulled on the door, realizing he had locked it before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jaehyun.” He turned the lock and pulled the door towards him, stopping dead when he saw who was waiting behind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys were taking a long time,” Sehun tripped over his words, “I wanted to check on you. Jaehyun could only see the back of Johnny’s head, but Sehun’s reaction was enough to scare him. Johnny left without saying anything else, Sehun behind him after dumbfoundedly staring at Jaehyun for a few seconds. Clinking from dishes and a broom moving back and forth could be heard outside. Jaehyun was likely the only guest left now.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There it is,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Reality.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun stopped by Mcdonalds for his second mcflurry of the night. He held it tight without gloves on despite the night chill engulfing every part of him. The way the cold numbed his body was gratifying. Sitting on his couch with two blankets draped over his shoulders and still in his best suit, he ate in silence, attentively inspecting the patterns on each wood plank of the floor. The sudden bellowing of his ringtone shocked him into dropping his half-full spoon. With a groan, he reached to silence it before seeing “johnny” in bright letters across the screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaehyun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who- Sehun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it’s me. Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi? Uh, did something happen to Johnny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, he’s fine. I wanted to call because, well… I feel like someone has to tell you.” Jaehyun waited, worried for whatever he was about to hear. “Johnny doesn’t get mad a lot. It’s something I took for granted when we were, um, together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re gonna give me shit for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all. I know we haven't really had a conversation since we met, but I don’t know if you’ll hear this from anyone else. Even Johnny. We broke up because I wanted a soulmate and he didn’t much care either way. And I thought he never would because, unlike me, he’d accepted that it doesn’t happen for everybody. But when he told me about you, he was so hopeful. Even if he had never gotten CV, I realized that he’s never loved anyone like he loves you. I’ve watched him go through a few relationships, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>one of those relationships. So I care about him. He’s one of my best friends, even if he can’t feel the same way anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you trying to say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you guys in the bathroom. I didn’t mean to, I swear, but- You love him too, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. Love him </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He claims to be good at showing his emotions, but the only one he feels the need to show is his happiness. So if you just give him some time-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not blaming anything on him, Sehun. If anything I’m frustrated with myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“My soulmate passed away. I had CV already and it’s a one time thing, if at all.” Jaehyun could practically see the surprise on Sehun’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s not your fault. Love can’t be defined by colour vision.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that,” Jaehyun kicked off his shoes, getting comfortable on the cushions, “my first love ended so abruptly. I was so incomplete until I met Johnny and I can’t stand that my love for him makes me feel guilty.” He looked into the eyes of Taeyong’s photo, still as happy as ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that I’ve met them, but I can’t imagine your soulmate would hate you for healing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tell myself that a lot. I tell myself that loving Johnny isn’t the end of loving Taeyong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it still love if it ended abruptly? Or was left incomplete? Why should love have to last a lifetime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean to dump all my problems on you, Sehun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok. I asked, after all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun couldn’t take his eyes off the photo. Taeyong was too forgiving. Or was he just sensible? Not dramatic, like he felt he was being right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really love him, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He knows too much about me, I can’t afford to not love him,” Sehun chuckled. “Can I tell you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? I’ve done my part in oversharing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not good at discerning between romantic and platonic love. It’s why I didn’t want to break up with Johnny even though I should’ve. Long before we actually did. And it’s why I thought I needed him, because I didn’t think anyone else would love me in the same way he did. Now I hope they don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Sehun was silent for a while, even his breaths were barely audible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was love, but not romantic. Maybe not for either of us. I think we just found each other comfortable, and I ruined that. I want the best for him, and I think that’s you, Jaehyun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is your way of apologizing to him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt I’ll ever be able to give him back those years I wasted.” Muffled sounds could be heard on Sehun’s end, to which he replied “dunno.” “Johnny’s looking for his phone, I’d better go stick it under his bed or something. Thank you for listening to all my blabbering.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sehun. For everything you said. You don’t have to worry about me breaking his heart or anything. It was nice to hear though. You’re a nice person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The things people don’t know about me,” Sehun sighed dramatically. “I’ll see you around, Jaehyun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sight of the wedding venue left Jaehyun and his friends struggling to pick their jaws off of the ground. Rows of tables were lined with an aisle in the middle. Above, sheer, sparkling fabric was draped over wooden bars of the giant pergola that filtered and softened the blinding sun. In about an hour, the sky would turn all the beautiful colours that Jaehyun would have to assign himself and the air would get colder still. Either Ten and Kun were masters of planning or extremely lucky, either way they had chosen the warmest night predicted for the month. A good choice, considering they’d be eating outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you believe we get to be in a place like this?” Yuta marvelled. “All because that little Mark invited us to crash that one party. I worship him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never get used to nice things,’ Doyoung shook his head while looking at the decorative chandeliers over their heads. The lights were glowing through vine and leaf arrangements that had either been draped over or were growing out of them, Jaehyun would believe either. He reached out to touch one before Seulgi slapped his hand down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go look for my hot girlfriend in a suit, can you guys handle yourselves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Define handle,” said Yuta. Seulgi rolled her eyes before marching off in one direction or another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You good Jae?” Doyoung asked. Jaehyun hummed absentmindedly, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen Johnny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t he be with Ten?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Jaehyun said, disappointed. It was killing him, the suspense of not knowing whether or not he had a boyfriend anymore. The way they left things the night before, he was hoping the answer was “yes,” but he was so good at building up self doubt. Soon, people were ushered to their seats and told that the ceremony would begin shortly. Jaehyun loosened his tie, knowing no one would be looking at him. Beside him, Doyoung was tapping away on some game that involved a badly animated panda, not caring about what was going on unless he absolutely needed to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe all our partners are in the wedding and we’re just sitting here,” Seulgi said, staring longingly at the empty altar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least you have partners to look at. What am I supposed to look at? The leaves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Seulgi said slowly, “and this is just a suggestion, you could look at the couple?” Doyoung shrugged before going back to his game, causing Seulgi to give Jaehyun the look they always shared when one of them was in a bad mood. Jaehyun expected that he’d be the distressed one today, but until now he’d felt rather… normal. He’d spent 364 days dreading this one, and now that it was here, he wished he felt something different. Something more noteworthy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you visit him? Jaehyun asked. Doyoung clicked off his screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This morning. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was planning to afterwards. Since I’m dressed fancy and all.” Doyoung pressed out a smile, leaning back and looking up at the sky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sunny days are perfect for him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon after, the wedding party began to gather in. Ten and Kun’s friends cheerily arm in arm, making a show of their entrance. The only ones that could stay collected were Irene, ever the model, and Sicheng, who decided to awkwardly clap for his partner as he did his thing. As if planned all along, the sun shifted to a position that cast a long strip of light leading up to where the couple would be standing. They entered side by side, hands clasped tightly together. The audience stood up and said their “oohs” and “aahs,” a distracted Jaehyun having to be pulled up by Doyoung. He had been focused on Johnny up at the front, who’d made eye contact with him all of once. Jaehyun wasn’t listening much during the vows until he noticed Doyoung wipe a single tear off before it could fall. He knew Doyoung wasn’t crying because of Ten and Kun’s love for each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kind of always imagined seeing you and Yong up there,” Doyoung whispered. That was the trigger Jaehyun was waiting for, the one that made him well up before he could even realize it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” he whispered back, laughing at how little it had taken him to break after feeling fine all day. Doyoung chuckled through his crying and apologized. Seulgi leaned over and whispered something that made Doyoung apologize again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She says she’ll beat us up if we make her cry right now.” Jaehyun looked over and mouthed “I’m sorry,” though her nose was blushing darker. Yuta, on the outermost seat of their row, was turned slightly away and was sitting much straighter than usual. Apparently, it had hit them all at once. All of their heads snapped back to the scene at the sound of cheering and applause. Ten and Kun stood happily as newlyweds, gazing only at each other despite all the howling from their friends and family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time they’d finished eating the sun had sunk low. Seulgi had confirmed that the sky was just a dull blue now. Jaehyun was travelling through the crowd of drunk adults and children on sugar highs, determined to find Jaehyun before he left. Finally his target made himself clear, talking to a stranger on the side of the dance floor. Upon seeing Jaehyun, he excused himself with a smile and pulled him aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t find you,” Jaehyun said, catching his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. Best man duties, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still busy?” Johnny looked around, shaking his head,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t need me for the rest of the night. That would be concerning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So if you left with me right now,” Jaehyun started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t just leave, Jaehyun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to, though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Johnny asked. Jaehyun sucked in air through his teeth, realizing there was one more thing that he had neglected to mention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you come with me, I’ll show you. How much longer can this last anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you asking me to ditch my best friend's wedding so you can take me to an unspecified secondary location? Johnny glared at him. Jaehyun nodded sheepishly, itching to get out. He’d promised to get there before it got dark. “Just let me tell Ten. Wait here,” he said, to Jaehyun’s relief.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we okay?” Jaehyun asked when they came to a red light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re okay,” Johnny said without looking. “But it’s gonna take some time getting used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. You’re a lot calmer now, I’ve gotta say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m also a lot more sober now,” Johnny chuckled. “By the way, where the hell are we going?” Jaehyun waited until he’d finished turning to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s something I forgot to tell you. This is the last important thing, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is?” Johnny noticed the sign they had passed and realization settled over him. “March... you’d said…” he trailed off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted you here, I hope that’s ok.” Johnny nodded, uncertain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before getting out of the car, Jaehyun made sure he was looking presentable by checking the mirror four times until he was finally satisfied. “I have photos and all but this is the first time I’ve actually visited him since the funeral.” Smiling softly, Johnny got out first and opened Jaehyun’s door for him, taking his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll be happy that you’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cemetery was stretched farther than the eye could see and the walk to Taeyong’s gravestone was relatively far. “Can I ask why you brought me, Jaehyun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For selfish reasons,” he said after a while. Johnny smirked,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I got home last night I wanted to call you but I thought you’d be mad at me for getting all drunk and... messy. Also I couldn’t find my phone for some reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think our problem is always assuming that the other will be mad. So we keep quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it,” Johnny sighed. “I never pictured my little crush on you to end up here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In a cemetery?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To end up as love,” Johnny smiled. “If you love me too, then that’s enough. I never actually thought I’d find my soulmate. Of course I wish I could be the one to make you see colour, but Taeyong beat me to it fair and square.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is weird,” Jaehyun chuckled stiffly. “I was expecting you to still be upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it helps, I’m sure I will be in the future. Maybe not about this, but I’ll find something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll look forward to it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A year ago, he was at his lowest point, stuck in the belief that he’d never be able to rise up again. For so long he thought he would come to Taeyong on this day as a wreck, probably drunk and sobbing and in unwashed clothes. This was quite the step up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re here,” he pointed out. “Do you mind waiting here for a minute?” Johnny agreed, kissing his knuckles before letting go. He watched Jaehyun kneel carefully and stroke his fingers over the rough stone. His head hung low and Johnny couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he spoke for a long time before moving again.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun blew a kiss, leaving his hand on the stone for a while longer. Granted, Taeyong felt nothing like it, but this was the closest he’d get to him. Pushing himself up, he whispered something before turning back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can go now,” he said to Johnny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t even let us talk!” he complained. “It was nice to meet you, Taeyong!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, you’d definitely get along” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. He took Johnny’s hand again, their fingers perfectly intertwining. Neither of them were stiff to hold anymore, to both their relief. Happily, Johnny swung their hands with each step. The night was settling in and everything was quiet, like there was nothing else left in the world. Jaehyun looked back at Taeyong and up at Johnny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fun fact, I had a whole speech written out for Jaehyun at the end but I decided to leave it vague so you could interpret what he said to Taeyong.</p><p>That's it! If you've read all this way I truly thank you. Have a great day and maybe we'll meet again on another story :)</p><p>Story playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/55f8jQsuuGYpNXputudHHd?si=BnHtx8MFT2SQ3P0jzXKa1Q</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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